Tuesday, March 07, 2006

More Child Abuse

When I got home last night my son's eyes looked horrible. Two bright red crescent patches curving under each eye, at least twice as big as they were that morning. Fortunately, after hydrocortisone was applied, (with much protesting: "But it doesn't hurt!!!!!"), he looked ten times better this morning. If I find out what they used at the face painting I'll pass it along. I'm thinking acid at this point.

But that wasn't all the abuse last night at the Limpy household. It turns out that while they were at the Fun Fair, in addition to getting skin poisoning, the kids won a family game pack in a raffle. They picked it up yesterday, and I walked home to find every pervert's favorite game, Twister, laid out in the living room. I personally have always found Twister to be more fun in theory than practice, since when adults play someone always gets the wrong ass in their face and the mood is killed forthwith. But since the kids wanted to play I figured "what the hell", and tried playing it for the first time while fully clothed and not under the influence of alcohol.

It's much easier that way. But, and all parents should take note of this, if your weight exceeds 200 lb., as is the case for yours truly, (I swear it's solid muscle!! I'm a rock I tell you, a frigging rock!! Sigh. ), you want to avoid positions where you are looming over your children like an enormous and unstable bridge. Especially when your kids have learned to play by your wife's rules and aren't above taking shots at your knees to make you fall over and lose. Because otherwise you may very well lose your balance, (and dignity), and topple over elbows first onto the fingers of your offspring.

Fortunately, recovery was quick and the game continued for another hour. The kids even squeezed in another game before the bus arrived this morning. Today I am feeling the effects of stretching in ways no one is intended to stretch. Left foot red my ass.


Blogger Pud said...

Nekkid twister, alone with your partner can be great fun!

12:53 PM  
Blogger Ranea said...

It seems you have had your first lesson in getting older. Muscles hurt more, your not as bendy, and twisting yourself into a knot on the floor, doesn't sound like as much fun as it use too.:)

2:10 PM  

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