Public Service Message
I have completed my Final Four picks. I have UCLA, Duke, Ohio State University, and UCONN going to the Final Four with Uconn beating Duke for the championship. On the low and extremely ill-informed chance that you are inclined to copy these picks, you should know the following:
Before making my picks, I gather all of the information, ( I glance at the sports page the day I make the picks, and I do tend to watch SportsCenter during breakfats), I carefully consider all of the possibilities, (I flip coins), I consider the strengths and weaknesses of the various conferences, (I will pick the team with the cooler nickname, thereby leading to my only win when the Maryland Terrapins took it all a few years back), I carefully review injury reports to see what otherwise powerful team might be missing an important player, (I heard someone from Villanova lost an eye. Is this true?), I listen to the talk radio hosts to pick up important tips, (I listen to CDs), and I watch the specials on March madness for further advice, (I watch porn).
The end result is that, with the Maryland exception noted above, I end up towards the bottom of most pools, sort of like Natalie Wood. I would therefore like to apologize in advance to the fans of Duke, (although most of them are a bunch of dicks), UCLA and Ohio State University for the upcoming tragic upsets to your teams. I didn't mean it, and I try not to use my powers for evil. I can't apologize to the UCONN fans because I went there, I'm a fan, and while I know that they're probably going to choke in the third round, I picked them anyway. We're all in the same boat here. Leave me alone.
Good luck with your picks.
Before making my picks, I gather all of the information, ( I glance at the sports page the day I make the picks, and I do tend to watch SportsCenter during breakfats), I carefully consider all of the possibilities, (I flip coins), I consider the strengths and weaknesses of the various conferences, (I will pick the team with the cooler nickname, thereby leading to my only win when the Maryland Terrapins took it all a few years back), I carefully review injury reports to see what otherwise powerful team might be missing an important player, (I heard someone from Villanova lost an eye. Is this true?), I listen to the talk radio hosts to pick up important tips, (I listen to CDs), and I watch the specials on March madness for further advice, (I watch porn).
The end result is that, with the Maryland exception noted above, I end up towards the bottom of most pools, sort of like Natalie Wood. I would therefore like to apologize in advance to the fans of Duke, (although most of them are a bunch of dicks), UCLA and Ohio State University for the upcoming tragic upsets to your teams. I didn't mean it, and I try not to use my powers for evil. I can't apologize to the UCONN fans because I went there, I'm a fan, and while I know that they're probably going to choke in the third round, I picked them anyway. We're all in the same boat here. Leave me alone.
Good luck with your picks.
posted by limpy99 at 11:03 AM
5 Comments:
I was just about to suggest that you leave your wife and run away with me... until I read that you went to UConn.
Okay, so I exaggerate...I do hate Geno Auriemma though. Right on about the Duke fans. The fuglies or crazies or WTF-ever they call themselves are enough to make you hate them.
For what it's worth (not much) I pick UConn to win it all.
Not that I'm running away or anything, but for the record, if there is a more arrogant, conceited prick that Geno Auriemma, I don't know them. So I think we're cool there.
It's SO wrong, but you really crack me up. I hate it because either the Hubs asks me "What's so funny?" or the Dog runs over because he's dumb and thinks his name is *snort*
"I end up towards the bottom of most pools, sort of like Natalie Wood"
Like I said...SO wrong, but you do make me laugh OUT LOUD ;-)
Yeah, I'm going to hell for that one.
When none of the schools of which I am an alumnus are in the tournament, I pick no one. (Am I a sore loser?)
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.
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