Thursday, April 06, 2006

I Am Not Making This Up

I have a 13" penis.

Ok, that I'm making up. (It's 14), (millimeters) But in the paper today there is a short story about an Indian filmmaker by the name of T. Rajeevnath, (loosely translated from Hindi to mean "I'm totally going to hell and I'm OK with that), who is planning to write a movie about Mother Theresa. Mother Theresa, as you may recall, was an Albanian nun who closely resembled a walnut, (I'm going to hell too), and who spent the majority of her life catering to lepers and other unwanted types in the slums of India, the sort of places that make the homeless in the U.S. jump up and down at the sheer joy of how good they have it sleeping on a street grate in NYC in February. While I would disagree with a lot of what Mother Theresa believed and tried to get other people to follow, (I, for instance, think birth control is a swell idea. Mother Theresa, not so much), I think most of us would agree that she lived her life in a truly unselfish way and at least tried to do the right thing and undoubtedly helped many people who otherwise would have died in miserable conditions. Actually, they probably still died in miserable conditions, but at least they knew that someone cared about them before they met Vishnu and had to explain their conversion to Catholicism.

So who does Mr. T. Rajeevnath have in mind to play Mother Theresa? In what can only be called type-casting, he is considering one Paris Hilton for the role of Mother Theresa.

That's not a typo.

Paris Hilton.

According to the paper, he got the idea when he saw a computer-generated image showing a close facial resemblance between the two. Now I don't know about you, but when I think "computers", "facial" and "Paris Hilton", I get another picture entirely. It doesn't look anything like Mother Theresa. The story goes on to say that our would-be filmmaker, (and with casting ideas like this he'll probably retain that status for some time), was also impressed when Ms. Hilton said she refused to pose nude for Playboy.

Dude, she's on film swallowing cock like it's ice cream. Turning down Playboy isn't modesty, it's boredom.

Part of me, the part that laughs at women who fall over walls while on cigarette breaks, (she's fine and out there right now as a matter of fact), really hopes this movie gets made. I'll buy a ticket, if only to hope that in some small way it contributes to the massive heart attack Pat Robertson will undoubtedly have.


Blogger SoozieQ said...

So by laughing at what you write, does that mean I too am going to hell?

Oh hell, I already know that I am...I was just curious if by laughing out loud at the "walnut crack" if that means I have to reside in the hotter levels is all.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Paris Hilton!?! That's about a good idea as putting peanut butter in your gas tank.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I'm already IN hell...

Man, I hope they make this movie~ That would just be some funny shit!

8:21 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Paris Hilton to play Mother Teresa? Now that is really sacrilegious shit!

9:02 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

You are too funny! Paris Hilton makes me gag! I hate her!

I need to go get my ruler;)

8:00 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I think Pud just won the "Metaphor of the Year" contest. Congratulations Pud. Please call Soozieq and order your trophy.

11:04 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Sooze, I saved you a spot next to me by the thermostat. It isn't much, but it's home.

10:13 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

I heard about this, as well.
Um, yeah. Walnut vs. tall ugly woman who is not naturally either blonde or blue eyed. Or tan.

4:26 PM  

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