Saturday, April 01, 2006

Little League Morons

We had "evaluations" today for 7-8 year old little league. I want you to keep that phrase in mind. "7-8 years old." I asked them two days ago how long it would take. I was told half an hour. We were there just under two hours. This iswhat it consisted of. There were roughly 40 kids. First they did timed runs from home plate to second, then second to home. Then they went to the batting cages and got to swing at 5 balls that I will charitably describe as pitches. Most of those balls came over the plate at ankle height. If a kid was good he could tap a grounder back to the pitcher. In addition, the pitcher, a fat bastard with an official's cap and an "I'm compensating for a small penis by bossing around little kids" T-shirt, was hiding behind a batting cage pitcher's shield. After each kid got to take their hacks, (and my kid got lucky and got to swing against a teenager who actually put the ball over the plate), they went and STOOD IN FUCKING LINE FOR 45 MINUTES TO TAKE TWO GROUND BALLS AND TWO FLY BALLS. Then they got to go home.

The purpose of this evaluation was to give all the coaches a chance to evaluate the players for the draft on Monday night. All afternoon the coaches watched the kids and took notes about their speed, batting and fielding. Took notes. About 7-8 year olds. To drfat them. Kidsneeded to go pee, and were there outhouses? No, there were not. I'm failry certain the woods around the field will be especially well irrigated this spring.

I have never seen a more poorly run exercise for a less legitmate purpose. I know most adults can't wait to suck the fun out of anything kids do, but this was ridiculous. As a parent, and as someone who coached last year, I can tell you that there is no way that watching a kid take two grounders and two fly-balls, (did I mention that the guy throwing the flys was the same guy who was throwing batting parctice? He couldn't get the fly balls to the kids either! At least we know who's willing to dive and who isn't.), gives you any idea of how good they are in the field. Watching a kid swing at five poorly thrown balls won't do it either.

Before this fiasco started, I hit a few balls to my son to let him warm up. Within five minutes there were three other parents and ten kids in the infield. We had all the kids fielding grounders and pop-ups in turn, and this went on for a good ten minutes. All the kids had fun, and I guaran-goddamn-tee you that I can tell you more about how good each of those kids is than any of the coaches who watched "fielding practice".

When we drafted teams for ragball last year, we did it by who lived closer to the practie fields we were assigned to and who was friends with who. I didn't give a rat's ass about how fast they were or if they could catch. I know that this a competitive league, and that there wil be winners and losers. I just hope that the kids win and the adults lose.

And to make sure, I volunteered to assist again.


Blogger eclectic said...

WTF??! Our son is 9 -- the teams are randomly assigned within school districts until next year. Nevertheless, he was approached by a triple A coach two weeks ago because he's skilled enough to play up a league, but he chose not to because he's still having so much fun with his buddies. Gaaah! Your story makes me sad.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Ranea said...

If you want to have fun with the kids,coach t-ball. I did and it was so cute. They don't keep score,everyone bats,then you switch. Every team wins,and afterwords all the players get a snowcone! The kids don't care who wins they just want to play.:D

4:25 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Little League “coaches” who want to pretend they are in the bug leagues are true pains in the ass. My sons played baseball and soccer, which I coached, and never went through any such tryouts; someone needs to coach those coaches!

7:16 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

Timed them? They freaking timed them? I can't get over that.

I love that the pussified coach hid behind a pitching screen. lol

7:23 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I'm glad you're gonna assist. At least there'll be someone with the kid's best interest at heart.

Nothing sadder than to see some "coach" or parent screaming at a little kid during a game....

7:40 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Little league just isn't what it use to be.

6:27 PM  

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