Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I Develop A New Get Rich Quick Plan

My old plan, which consisted largely of procuring Powerball tickets, doesn't seem to be working all that well. As you may well have already guessed by my attention to blogging, my Yankee work ethic is sorely lacking as well, so I'm not going to get rich the old fashioned way either. All together now "They eeeeeeaaaaarrrrrnnnn it" Ah, John Houseman, where have you gone. And I'll bet right now that at least three of you are thinking "Who the fuck is John Houseman?"

No, my new plan is to wrote a novel, sign a three book deal and option the screen-play to Hollywood for the first book. Now, as someone with the literary ability of a drunken chimpanzee, this would ordinarily be a pretty far-fetched plan. But I have clued in to a secret known to but a few.

Plagiarism.

Yep, I'm just gonna rip-off pre-existing best sellers, change the title and the character names, and go from there. Just like that former hot shot 17 year old author from Harvard who wrote "How Opal Metha Got Laid" or some such drivel and was hailed as the next great young American author, and then it turned out that she'd written a book suspiciously close to at least four other books with similar themes. As in verbatim chunks transferred from the earlier novels to hers.

I think I can avoid the discovery of my plagiarism by picking more obscure novels to rip-off. Nope, I won't be borrowing from well-known "chick-lit", (I did not make that phrase up), books, but older novels that no one reads anymore. For instance, here's the opening to my first efforts, a gripping tale of madness and revenge on the high seas during crabbing season: "Call me Ishmael...." What do you think? It's winner isn't it?

9 Comments:

Blogger Syd said...

How does anybody figure to get away with plagiarism in today's world?

Better yet...how does it actually get past publishers and into print. Amazing how often it gets printed.

If I ever publish anything, just go ahead and blackmail me. I guarantee it'll be plagiarized out my ass.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I've read several articles about this. One stated her "book" was being pulled from all stores, etc.

It's still for sale at Wal-mart here in hell.

Wonder if I should buy it?

Hmmmmmm.....

7:55 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

LOL!

I, of course, know exactly who John Houseman is and vividly remember the ad from which that quote is derived.

Perhaps while Ishmail is hunting down that illusive white crab he could also stumble upon a secret about Jesus. That shit sells like hotcakes.

7:09 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

It's a hit! Get to plag...er I mean WRITING!!

7:37 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I'm totally ripping off Nonny on this one. The Great White Crab will be named Mary Magdalene, and will have a suspicious shell blemish in the shape of Jesus's face. Woo-hoo, I can smell the royalties from here.

8:25 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

The thing is, your style of plagiarizing would be wittier than what the others have done, so no one will care....just use the could ol' Shift+F7 in word now and then ;) And Nonny's idea is excellent!!!

8:35 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Will there be stigmata? Or perhaps a Crab-themed amusement park where the giant Crabs become predatory to the vacationing humans? Ooooh, I can hardly wait!

11:35 AM  
Blogger Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

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6:24 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Shut the fuck up Richard

9:43 PM  

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