Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Jesus Apparently Has Some Time On His Hands

I found this story interesting. The Colorado Rockies apparently have discovered Jesus and are crediting him with turning their generally awful performance on the field around. Because, y'know, Jesus cares if the Rockies win games. One of the more religious guys in baseball, from what I've read, is a guy named Mike Sweeney who plays for the Royals. He must be praying wrong, because Jesus doesn't seem as inclined to help the Royals out this season, or any other season for that matter.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not religious myself, but I don't mind if you are. I mind if it's put in my face and if it's insnuated that I am less of a person becuase I don't read the Bible and use it as my guide through life. Although I have tried to kill Philistines with the jawbone of an ass before, but it turns out they were just Duran Duran fans and technically it isn't legal to hit them with any kind of blunt object, much less the jaw bone of an ass.

Speaking of asses, I get annoyed because of people like this who attribute their new found success as a baseball team to an abiding faith and clean living. When it's actually becuase they have a better pitching staff than usual and started storing their baseballs in a humidor in order to counteract the thin air in thier stadium. The concept of God as a baseball fan who rewards good behavior with more wins seems to me the height of arrogance. As though God were up there going "Well, today I should do something about Darfur, or maybe straigthen out Iraq, and I need to unclog that volcano in Indonesia before things get nasty, and ....What? The Rockies banned Playboy from their clubhouse? Well, let's move those boys to the head of the line and get them some wins!!" Somehow I doubt it.

Besides, everyone knows God roots for the Yankees.


Blogger Tai said...

Gee, I don't recall that in the bible.

The only thing I remember from the bible was Lot's daughter's getting him drunk so they could have sex with him.


3:53 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Don'cha love have some 'Christians' make everything in the bible apply to them?

Even baseball....

3:56 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Didn't you know God's a giant vending machine in the sky? If you enter the correct change you receive the desired result. Cause=Effect. Always. As long as you are a white, heterosexual, Christian male living in America. It only works for them. Because God loves them best. Just ask Him.

4:22 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

Oh, I LOVE when God is the reason.
Though, according to my friend PhoenixNYC, Stephen Baldwin has found God (y'know, like behind the couch), and god is a crappy, crappy agent.

4:27 PM  
Blogger Jesus Toast said...

Actually, I DO love when Christians make everything in the bible apply to them, especially the part in the bible where I get free blowjobs whenever I want!....what do you mean they took the book of Head of the new Testament? What? WHo the fuck did that?

7:14 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

i don't think it's bad to hit Duran Duran fans with ANYTHING;)

yeah, that whole "i'm better because of god" thing makes me want to barf. if they only knew...

7:17 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

I think Buddha had a lot to do with the Detroit Tigers' depressing loss to the White Sox tonight. It's all about karma and since I'm the most fair-weathered Tiger fan in the world I deserve this loss tonight. Fuck.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

I agree with what Eclectic said.

'Christians' are so silly with their Bible thumping ways.

4:16 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Apparently God hates the Indians. And the Indians hate God right back.

I instantly lose all interest in a person the minute they start gabbin about God.

True story:

Sitting at my kitchen table two weekends ago when I notice the Jehovah's Witnesses getting out of their car in our neighborhood. I tell my son to hurry up and close the front door and all the curtains and to not make any noise. My son asked "why". I told him that people were coming around selling something that we didn't want. "What", he asked. "God", I said.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

I do the same thing Non. The other day I saw the dudes with clipboards two houses down the street and told my sons to NOT answer the door and be quiet. My wife once made the mistake of giving 20 bucks to some environmental street stalkers and now they always target our house.

7:52 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

When the Jehovah's show up at our door I take my shirt off and answer it while holding a half empty bottle of tequila. They don't come around as much anymore.

8:18 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

I one time answered the door naked when a Jehova's Witness knocked on my door in the hopes of embarrassing them to never come back. I ended up getting a visit from them every week. Good thing I moved.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:51 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Pud, having seen your HNT pictures, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why that idea backfired.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

I guess the Cubs will have to sacrafice that goat if they ever want to become gods favorite.

8:08 PM  

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