Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat

Beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeahhhhhhhh.

I owe some of this post to Bill Simmons over at If you don't know who he is, I want to be him when I grow up. And we're the same age. He's managed to make a living out of watching TV and going to sporting events and then writing wbout them. Why can't I do that? Besdies my need to actually move around from time to time. Anyway, he's pretty funny and this week he managed to identify a person who's been annoying the fuck out of me for the last couple of weeks.

As you may know from your unfortunate sojourns here, I don't watch American Idol and I hate everything it stands for. So while I usually know when it's on, I generally can't tell you who won. And six months after each season neither can anyone else. Whatever happened to that fat black guy?

Anyway, lately there's been a Ford commerical that revolves around some dorky white guy singing about how he gets what he wants and writhing about as though he were having a seizure. I can't stand that commercial and will atuomtically change the channel as soon as it comes on. I also won't buy Fords because of it. Well, that and because Ford makes shitty cars. But until this week I didn't know who this guy was. In Simmons's column someone was asking who he'd like to fight and he identified the ass-clown on the Ford commerical as Taylor Hicks, the winner of this year's American Idol. So now I know who this dickwad is, and I second the idea of fighting him. Every time that commercial comes on I want to just bite his fucking nose off. And America voted for him? Who was he competing against for God's sake? And how do I get to sign up to fight him. Steel cage, boxing ring, back alley, I don't care. He's gotta go. And I'm just the kind of unidentifiable coward writing a semi-anonymous blog to do it.

Seriously, I could totally kick his ass. No really. Honest.


Blogger jmeped said...

Taylor Hicks! You should challenge him to an ultimate fight! He came out and admitted he was a sellout for recording the lame ass song he has to sing for being the winner. There is no pay off for me for american idol, kind of like the presidential election.

9:09 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Dude, anybody could totally kick his ass. I could totally kick his ass. Shit, his name's Taylor for crisesakes. But, um, I think there's a law against that sort of thing.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Tai said...

America also voted for Bush.
That's something to ponder.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

If you find out where to sign up, let me know. Taylor Hicks could use a good brown bagging.

10:16 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Eclectic, you could kick my ass too, but your point is taken. I'm pleading self-defense in that I had to beat him down to keep my sanity.

Tai, more people vote for American Idol than the President. Don't get me started on that.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

i hate that damn commercial too and that guy is so gross. my question is who the hell DID vote for this guy? jeez!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

Taylor isn't so bad. But, I am sick of that commercial. Now, if you can get me on the card with God Damned Doctor Z, I'm in.

12:20 PM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

I hate the finger pointing....when someone is "singing" why are they also pointing? I want to bite the tip of his finger off, spit it at him and say "Di'nt yo momma teach you it ain't polite to point?"

I purposely use that dialect because his last name is Hicks....that means he is on, right?

12:42 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Hey. I totally resent the seizure statement. That guy makes us epileptics look coordinated and choreographed, alright?

He's a complete and utter spazz and I can tell you that I had NO part in his becoming an American Idol winner.

Epileptics everywhere are up in arms over this.


Awwwwww, Pud used my "brown baggin'" remark! I so love her!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

I put Dr. Z from those idiotic Chrysler commercials in the same boat as that major tool, Taylor Hicks.

F-'em both!

When those commercials run their course I will resume watching network television.

11:06 AM  

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