Beat on the Brat, Beat on the Brat
Beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeahhhhhhhh.
I owe some of this post to Bill Simmons over at ESPN.com. If you don't know who he is, I want to be him when I grow up. And we're the same age. He's managed to make a living out of watching TV and going to sporting events and then writing wbout them. Why can't I do that? Besdies my need to actually move around from time to time. Anyway, he's pretty funny and this week he managed to identify a person who's been annoying the fuck out of me for the last couple of weeks.
As you may know from your unfortunate sojourns here, I don't watch American Idol and I hate everything it stands for. So while I usually know when it's on, I generally can't tell you who won. And six months after each season neither can anyone else. Whatever happened to that fat black guy?
Anyway, lately there's been a Ford commerical that revolves around some dorky white guy singing about how he gets what he wants and writhing about as though he were having a seizure. I can't stand that commercial and will atuomtically change the channel as soon as it comes on. I also won't buy Fords because of it. Well, that and because Ford makes shitty cars. But until this week I didn't know who this guy was. In Simmons's column someone was asking who he'd like to fight and he identified the ass-clown on the Ford commerical as Taylor Hicks, the winner of this year's American Idol. So now I know who this dickwad is, and I second the idea of fighting him. Every time that commercial comes on I want to just bite his fucking nose off. And America voted for him? Who was he competing against for God's sake? And how do I get to sign up to fight him. Steel cage, boxing ring, back alley, I don't care. He's gotta go. And I'm just the kind of unidentifiable coward writing a semi-anonymous blog to do it.
Seriously, I could totally kick his ass. No really. Honest.
I owe some of this post to Bill Simmons over at ESPN.com. If you don't know who he is, I want to be him when I grow up. And we're the same age. He's managed to make a living out of watching TV and going to sporting events and then writing wbout them. Why can't I do that? Besdies my need to actually move around from time to time. Anyway, he's pretty funny and this week he managed to identify a person who's been annoying the fuck out of me for the last couple of weeks.
As you may know from your unfortunate sojourns here, I don't watch American Idol and I hate everything it stands for. So while I usually know when it's on, I generally can't tell you who won. And six months after each season neither can anyone else. Whatever happened to that fat black guy?
Anyway, lately there's been a Ford commerical that revolves around some dorky white guy singing about how he gets what he wants and writhing about as though he were having a seizure. I can't stand that commercial and will atuomtically change the channel as soon as it comes on. I also won't buy Fords because of it. Well, that and because Ford makes shitty cars. But until this week I didn't know who this guy was. In Simmons's column someone was asking who he'd like to fight and he identified the ass-clown on the Ford commerical as Taylor Hicks, the winner of this year's American Idol. So now I know who this dickwad is, and I second the idea of fighting him. Every time that commercial comes on I want to just bite his fucking nose off. And America voted for him? Who was he competing against for God's sake? And how do I get to sign up to fight him. Steel cage, boxing ring, back alley, I don't care. He's gotta go. And I'm just the kind of unidentifiable coward writing a semi-anonymous blog to do it.
Seriously, I could totally kick his ass. No really. Honest.
posted by limpy99 at 8:25 AM
8 Comments:
Dude, anybody could totally kick his ass. I could totally kick his ass. Shit, his name's Taylor for crisesakes. But, um, I think there's a law against that sort of thing.
America also voted for Bush.
That's something to ponder.
If you find out where to sign up, let me know. Taylor Hicks could use a good brown bagging.
Eclectic, you could kick my ass too, but your point is taken. I'm pleading self-defense in that I had to beat him down to keep my sanity.
Tai, more people vote for American Idol than the President. Don't get me started on that.
Taylor isn't so bad. But, I am sick of that commercial. Now, if you can get me on the card with God Damned Doctor Z, I'm in.
I hate the finger pointing....when someone is "singing" why are they also pointing? I want to bite the tip of his finger off, spit it at him and say "Di'nt yo momma teach you it ain't polite to point?"
I purposely use that dialect because his last name is Hicks....that means he is on, right?
Hey. I totally resent the seizure statement. That guy makes us epileptics look coordinated and choreographed, alright?
He's a complete and utter spazz and I can tell you that I had NO part in his becoming an American Idol winner.
Epileptics everywhere are up in arms over this.
CP.
Awwwwww, Pud used my "brown baggin'" remark! I so love her!
I put Dr. Z from those idiotic Chrysler commercials in the same boat as that major tool, Taylor Hicks.
F-'em both!
When those commercials run their course I will resume watching network television.
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