Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Another Reason To Get Tattoos

I have a tattoo of a charging tiger on my arm. Like most people, I am proud of this art and will show it off at the least little excuse. Which is actually pretty stupid if you think about it, since I had about as much to do with how it turned out as the canvas did with how the Mona Lisa turned out. But I'm shallow and will undoubtedly continue to show it off.

Two of my friends, a married couple who will, for obvious reasons, remain nameless, want to get tattooed. First one for each. I introduce them to the artist that did mine, and last night I got a call from the husband to let me know they have an appointment, etc.

The following conversation takes place:

"Well, we're both going to get a diving falcon, but they'll be slgihtly different. I was going to just copy yours, because every time my wife sees it she gets all excited. I swear, if you had that thing tattoed on your cock she'd have sex with you."

There's just no appropriate response to that.

On a totally unrelated note, does anyone know of any tattoo artists with no standards? And some really, really, really, good pain killers?


Blogger jmeped said...

Crouching tiger, hidden pu@$y!

11:34 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Is his wife hot? She better be INSANELY hot if you'd consider ink on your johnson.


12:13 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

She's not that hot, but then, Keira Knightly isn't hot enough for me to tattoo the johnson.

Jessica Biel, however...

12:52 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Inky Johnson. Wasn't that one of the Li'l Rascals?

3:50 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I think he was in the one where Alfalfa and Spanky join the KKK.

8:15 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

What about if you get one of those temporary ones? Then you can keep changing it up on her with no pain.

Or, you could put Foghorn Leghorn on you calf and tell everyone you have 'a cock below your knees'.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Yes I know a tattoo artist like that...and thus the reason I never ever got a tattoo.

4:30 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I'm sure I could find one for you down here in Hell.

Or 80 miles away in Panama City Beach, Florida.

They cater to that sort of thing down there...."Spring Break" and all...

Of course, it would involve airfare on your part.

She must be some piece of ass for you to even consider this!

5:22 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Let me be clear. I am NOT considering this. Not even for Jessica Biel.

What's wrong with you sickos?

6:23 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Who are these "friends"? Do they work for the looney local rag your always talking about?

Make them go to a reputable tattoo artist please. My husband's best friend got a tattoo by an amateur artist. He wanted an eagle on his arm (sooo cliche) and it turned out to look like the back of a quarter. My husband and I still laugh whenever we see it. We never said anything to him obviously, but he's not real proud of it.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

You know darn well if you did get little limpy tatooed your buddy would say, "Dude, I was only kidding." Leaving you with a sore cock and blue balls. Although you could then refer to your weiner as "The Diving Falcon" which would be pretty cool.

7:12 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

The artist I sent them to is one of the best in the state. No worries about that. And yes, I know that even if I did go to the ridiculous lengths of getting my dick tattooed, nothing would happen. Although that temporary idea would lead to a hilarious period of awkward silence.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

My dr prescribed me some lidocaine for my tat sessions because im in the process of getting a half sleeve. It doesnt stop the pain but it definitely takes the edge off.

2:21 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

I have no tattoos but during my "redbull" phase I nearly got the redbull logo tattoo'd on my calf.

Then Dr. Ivan talked some sense into me.

9:26 PM  

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