Thursday, August 24, 2006

Bad News For The God of the Dead

No not Ozzy Osbourne. Some of you may have noticed over the last week or so that astronomers were on the brink of adding at least three, and possibly as many as 200, new planets to the solar system. The other alternative was to disappoint literally dozens of Pluto fans and kick Pluto out of the planetary system. But early last week Pluto was safe.

Not so fast. Pluto, (named after the Roman God of the Dead and Really Cold Places With Elliptical Orbits), is back on the chopping block. Apparently most astronomers are rebelling, to say nothing of school systems faced with the prospect of some over-achieving little bastard bringing in a 200+ styrfoam ball solar system dioaram and taking up the entire gym for the science fair. They've come up with some new definition that bounces Pluto as a planet and reduces our solar system to a petty 8 planets.

There are a couple of ramificantions. Most importantly, Alkelda will have to rewrite her "Planet Hopper" song. Second, everything you've ever known about astrology and your sign being in the third house of Pluto, two doors down from Neptune and take a left, is and always has been wrong. Which actually changes nothing because astrology is bullshit anyway. And third, they need a new name for Pluto and Pluto-like objects. They were going to call them "plutons", but then the geologists got their knickers in a twist because they already use that terms for some kind of volcanic structure. Can't you just picture that geek slap-fight? Wedgies and tittie twisters for everyone.

So now they might call them "Tombaugh objects", for Clyde Tombaugh, the guy who first discovered Pluto and started this whole mess in the first place. Nice going Clyde.


Could this possibly be the nerdiest post ever? Seriously, should I submit it somewhere?


Blogger eclectic said...

Seriously, if they're going to boot one, why not Uranus? Think of all the discipline issues the schools face every year teaching the planets that could be *ahem* eliminated *ahem* if Uranus were out?

9:33 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Well it still beats your posts about baseball.

Nerds are sexy btw. Does this all mean that Uranus is wrong? Because it feels so right.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

My head does feel a little pointed after reading this.

9:56 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

What do you expect from a guy named CLYDE?!?

Ohmygod, unless of course your name is really Clyde and if that's the case Limpy, I apologize.

But that would explain this post.

11:47 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Dammit, Soozie, you're on to me.

Baseball rocks Nonny.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I love this post! My favorite term is "Trans-Neptunian objects" except that doesn't include the ones in the asteroid belt.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

LMAO ~ Well put!

Maybe the Discovery Channel can do a documentary on your post.

As usual, I have to agree with nonny about the baseball thing. Live games are one thing, but to me, watching on TV has the same effect as a sleeping pill.

1:38 PM  
Blogger jmeped said...

Nerds who blog. On the next Oprah. Meet Limpy who's panties are twisted because there's been an upset in uranus. Turns out Limpy's not so Limpy after all......

2:04 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

LOL at Jmeped's comment.

After reading this post...hell I'll say it....DORK!

3:54 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Ok, seriously I almost took a ride on the crazy train when you mentioned Ozzy and death together.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

Jeez, god of the dead? I had totally forgotten that, but now I'm wondering if Walt was trying to tell us something. Michael Eisner, I could believe, but dear sweet Walt Disney?

1:30 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Ah! Poor Pluto was demoted!

The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades.
Cries Pluto, 'twixt his snores: "O tempora! O mores!"

8:29 PM  
Blogger little sister said...

damn that's nerdy!

and fuck you for saying astrology is bullshit...or maybe you're right. I'm a libra, after all, capable of seeing both sides.

6:24 PM  

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