Monday, August 28, 2006

It's Like "The Warriors", Only Gayer

I was reading about a gun buy back program in our paper today. $200 gift certificates from Target if you're interested. Syd could probably clean out an entire store with her armory. Although I think Mississippi has a program where they give you a $200 certificate if you DON'T own a gun, good towards the purchase of a howitzer at a local Army/Navy store.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't be the topic of much humor, but towards the bottom the author credited an alderwoman, Joyce Chen, "whose ward was plagued by bicycle gangs", with pushing the initiative.

I'm sorry, bicycle gangs? As in kids creating mayhem while riding their bicycles? I'm sorry, but I can't get the image of that newspaper kid in the John Cusack movie, (the name of which escapes me), riding around yelling "Two dollars" and waving handguns. And if you actually shot a gun while riding a bike, wouldn't the recoil blow you right off the bike? Do they wear helmets? How about tight pants and brightly colored shirts? Are they all taking EPO and blood doping products? Who the fuck joins a bicycle gang these days anyway? Don't the other gangs just beat the crap out of them for kicks?

These questions will keep me up for at least five minutes tonight. Which is probably five more minutes than it held your interest.


Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Picture this. You're on your way into Target to swap gun for cash. Halfway through the parking lot, you spot the Target logo. There were 6-bullets in that gun. You may have used only 5. What do you do, punk? What do you do?

4:31 PM  
Blogger Brad the Gorilla said...

I want to get paid for not having guns. I don't have lots and lots of guns, so I want lots and lots of cash.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

I believe the movie you mention is called "Better Off Dead". Classic Cusack.

Wouldn't the bicycle gangs be made up of like 12 and 13 year olds? You know, kids who aren't old enough to ride those super cool mopeds. Exactly how are they purchasing guns?

5:25 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Hey, cyclists are some badass mo'fos, I'm telling you.

/nervously hides the Specialized Dolce Comp before Limpy sees it

5:37 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...


Specialized Dolce Clamp!!

Thanks Nonny, that was really bugging me.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Armed bicycle gangs? The last “gang” I saw riding bicycles was a gaggle of geriatric folks riding together in a nearby park. I wonder if they were hiding Glock .357 magnums beneath their sweat shirts?

8:57 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

HAHAHA! I was already doing the math before i read what you wrote about me.

And bicycle gangs? That's some funny shit.

6:09 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

I wouldn't think bicycle gang members would be smart enough or coordinated enough to shoot, steer and petal all at the same time.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Maggie said...

We have an old guy in town that straps his .22 rifle to his handle bars to go shoot gophers. His missus took away the car, but his grandson took pity on him and got him a mountain bike.
Everybody's happy. Sorta. I don't think the gophers are that excited about the current turn of events.

8:52 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...


Wouldn't the recoil knock them off their bikes?

5:24 AM  
Blogger Madame D said...

THe last bicycle gang I saw was in Maine. It was mostly little kids, a few teenagers on what was clearly their little brother's BMXs, and two adults (one at LEAST 30+) who were riding on those teeny mini motorcycles.
There is not much more amusing than thinking there's a roving lawn mower, and then realizing it's a jackass with his knees around his ears riding something my 7 year old would dwarf.
Good times.

11:57 AM  

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