Oh, Those Filthy Jews

In case you live under a rock, you might have missed the weekend's Hollywood excitement in which one of the ultimate A-listers, Mel Gibson, had a wee bit of trouble with the local gendarmes. Seems Mel decided to drive home from parts unknown after having consumed more than his fair share of alcholic spirits. He was "allegedly" clocked at 87 in a 45. Now, look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I've never driven home when I probably should not have, although I don't do that anymore and would urge you all not to do that either, but I can safely say that even in the worst shape I've ever been in, I have never, ever, gone 87 in a 45.

Mel was apparently, (or allegedly for you legal sticklers out there), clocked on the ol' blood alcohol test at .12, above CA's legal limit of .08. The only time I've taken a breath test was the night I passed the bar exam. Coincidentally, I went to a bar that night. The bar had a breathalyzer that you could use for a quarter. While I'm not sure how accurate that device was, byt the end of the night I was consistently blowing a .22. Also a middle-aged law firm partner, but I needed a job and we're getting off the topic here. And no, I did not drive home myself that night. My long suffering fiancee' took me home.

Now, the original topic was Mel's, (I call him Mel cuz we're tight like that y'hear), troubles with an apparent DWI. Bad enough to be an A-lister and get pulled over by the police while drunk and in a car. That's not good. So how could you make it worse? Well, you could start by resisiting arrest, try to escape, and then, of course, blame the Jews. According to the news accounts, Mel asked one officer if they were a Jew, then started ranting about how the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

Which of course they are. I for one will never forget their work in starting the Korean conflict. And of course they were nearly indispensable in pushing us into Vietnam. And don't get me started on their role in the War of Spanish Succession. (Seriously, don't. I don't know anything about it.)

Now I like Mel Gibson and making fun of Jews as much as the next guy. If it wasn't for Mel, we wouldn't have great films like "Braveheart", which really is one of my favorites, and if it weren't for making fun of Jewish folks I couldn't accuse my pal Noah of unfairly using genetics to win at Monopoly. Which I really did one night at the same bar as the breathalyzer, although on a different night and yes, I did rip the line off from Stephen King in "It". Which is also one of my favorite books and the author of which was also pulled over fro driving while intoixicated, although as far as I know he didn't blame the Jews for it. As I recall, he blamed traffic cones and it's a funny story.

Mel's story isn't as funny, except to sick bastards like me. I guess is Dad is somewhat of a nut, thinks the Holocaust didn't happen, and Mel himslef is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very religious guy in the Catholic Church. Although he seems to have missed a few lessons in his Cathechism about not saying stupid shit about others.

Now I'm still going to watch Braveheart and Lethal Weapon, (but not Lethal Weapon 3-4), and I'll enjoy them, even if I think Mel is a dickhead. But here's the best part. He tried to escape from the scene. Where was he gonna go? Can you imagine the officers at the scene? "Uh, Mel Gibson is running away. How will we ever find him? Let's hope someone happens to recognize him when he goes into hiding" Seriously, Mel, where the fuck were you going to go?