Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Oh, Those Filthy Jews

In case you live under a rock, you might have missed the weekend's Hollywood excitement in which one of the ultimate A-listers, Mel Gibson, had a wee bit of trouble with the local gendarmes. Seems Mel decided to drive home from parts unknown after having consumed more than his fair share of alcholic spirits. He was "allegedly" clocked at 87 in a 45. Now, look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I've never driven home when I probably should not have, although I don't do that anymore and would urge you all not to do that either, but I can safely say that even in the worst shape I've ever been in, I have never, ever, gone 87 in a 45.

Mel was apparently, (or allegedly for you legal sticklers out there), clocked on the ol' blood alcohol test at .12, above CA's legal limit of .08. The only time I've taken a breath test was the night I passed the bar exam. Coincidentally, I went to a bar that night. The bar had a breathalyzer that you could use for a quarter. While I'm not sure how accurate that device was, byt the end of the night I was consistently blowing a .22. Also a middle-aged law firm partner, but I needed a job and we're getting off the topic here. And no, I did not drive home myself that night. My long suffering fiancee' took me home.

Now, the original topic was Mel's, (I call him Mel cuz we're tight like that y'hear), troubles with an apparent DWI. Bad enough to be an A-lister and get pulled over by the police while drunk and in a car. That's not good. So how could you make it worse? Well, you could start by resisiting arrest, try to escape, and then, of course, blame the Jews. According to the news accounts, Mel asked one officer if they were a Jew, then started ranting about how the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

Which of course they are. I for one will never forget their work in starting the Korean conflict. And of course they were nearly indispensable in pushing us into Vietnam. And don't get me started on their role in the War of Spanish Succession. (Seriously, don't. I don't know anything about it.)

Now I like Mel Gibson and making fun of Jews as much as the next guy. If it wasn't for Mel, we wouldn't have great films like "Braveheart", which really is one of my favorites, and if it weren't for making fun of Jewish folks I couldn't accuse my pal Noah of unfairly using genetics to win at Monopoly. Which I really did one night at the same bar as the breathalyzer, although on a different night and yes, I did rip the line off from Stephen King in "It". Which is also one of my favorite books and the author of which was also pulled over fro driving while intoixicated, although as far as I know he didn't blame the Jews for it. As I recall, he blamed traffic cones and it's a funny story.

Mel's story isn't as funny, except to sick bastards like me. I guess is Dad is somewhat of a nut, thinks the Holocaust didn't happen, and Mel himslef is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very religious guy in the Catholic Church. Although he seems to have missed a few lessons in his Cathechism about not saying stupid shit about others.

Now I'm still going to watch Braveheart and Lethal Weapon, (but not Lethal Weapon 3-4), and I'll enjoy them, even if I think Mel is a dickhead. But here's the best part. He tried to escape from the scene. Where was he gonna go? Can you imagine the officers at the scene? "Uh, Mel Gibson is running away. How will we ever find him? Let's hope someone happens to recognize him when he goes into hiding" Seriously, Mel, where the fuck were you going to go?


Blogger Syd said...

He tried running away? First I've heard of that. Freaking hilarious!!

8:31 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

The report says he tried to escape. That could mean anything I suppose, but I prefert the version in my head where Mel tries jumping the jersey barrier, runs down the hill, trips and rolls inot a sewage retaining pond.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

*LOL* You're right, where the fuck would he have hid if he did escape?

8:55 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Dude, did you just use the word "gendarmes"? You know how I feel about the French.

I was gonna write about this whole incident too. But then I thought "Hey, I bet Limpy will post something about it and it will be 1000% funnier than anything I would possibly say"

And I was right.

10:18 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Thank you for the image of Mel trying to run away while totally drunk. Didn't he call a female police officer "Sugar Tits" as well? Classy guy.

I was waiting for your take on this incident!

Limpy, you never, EVER disappoint.....well, I guess you never, EVER disappoint, but I'd have to ask your wife to make sure ;-)

10:36 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Nonny, appaerently you feel the same way about the French as Mel does about the Jews.

Soozie, my wife has never, ever been disappointed. And she'll tell you that herself.

Right after the check clears.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Hey, I was just checking out people's profile views, I do mindless shit like that. And I noticed that your a Virgo, which I am also. Just curious, are you an August Virgo or a September Virgo?

btw: The French hated us first.

12:00 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Yeah, I lied about my birth sign. I'm really a Taurus.

Sorry about that.

1:13 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I also live in CT and not Antarctica and I am not employed in the religion field.

I feel better already.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Why would you lie about your birth sign? Now I don't think I can believe anything you say.

1:54 PM  
Blogger jmeped said...

When he tried to run did the police officers all yell, HOOOOLD! HOOOOLD!

2:07 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I'm very trustworthy Nonny and you should beleive everything I say. Especially about this deal I have for a Nigerian oil field lease. Send me your bank account number and you're in.

Actually, I should repair my profile, since I just threw a bunch of crap up there when I started this blog, but I'm lazy.

jmeped, that HOOOOLD comment had me spitting soda at the screen.

2:20 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

So, to whom were you refering as the "stickler legal types", hmmm? I'll have you know that I'm much more of a "slacker legal type" thankyouverymuch!@

2:27 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Maybe he will hide in the closet with Tom Cruise...

3:26 PM  
Blogger jmeped said...

Then my work here is done.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I love how now he's all apologetic....

and I thought the attempt at running away was hilarious...

what a dumb ass!

3:33 PM  
Blogger Pam said...

The French hate everyone equally.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

you crack me up! i've missed you.

2:38 PM  

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