Monday, August 14, 2006

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

by Limpy

As you may recall, (and if you don't, just look down), we went to New York City this weekend. Without any kids. So we had no curfew, didn't have to stay sober, and were under no obligation to spend any time in Toys 'R Us or FAO Schwartz. Woo-Hoo!

So we took the train in, walked a few blocks to the hotel because we were traveling light, then saw Spamalot, which is very funny and you should all go run out and see it right now. I also met one of the actors from "Deadwood" at the show. Deadwood is on HBO and probably the best show on TV at the moment. Seriously. So much better than the Sopranos, who I think are just going through the motions til they can end the series. At least they did last year. Anyway, I go up to this guy, tell him how much I like the show, shake his hand and go back to my seat, thn turn around to watch the three poeple he'd been talking to grab pens and papers to get his autograph, because until I came along they apparently didn't know who he was. Nice guy though, very approachable.

Then we went back to the hotel and you should just mind your own business.

Next day we get up bright and early and go down to the financial district, then walk back up to the hotel, which was on 44th. Had breakfats in some little hole in the wall in SoHo. Stopped at the Museum of Sex. While we're in there a friend of mine returns a call I made the night before asking where a certain bar was. I tell him where we are and he says, without missing a beat "Oh, do they still have my balls in a jar there from when (insert ex-wife's name here) cut them off?"

They don't by the way, but they do have a certain chair prominently displayed that my wife wants me to buy. Think of a vibrator combined with recliner combined with a dentist's chair. Now stop thinking about it because you're a disgusting pig.

Then we went to Ann Taylor where I was able to sit in chair and doz off while my wife ably lightened my wallet. Finally get back to the hotel where the wife takes a nap and I go across the street to the Scottish pub and drink and watch the end of the Yankee game. I tried to have dinner there, but couldn't sell the wife on haggis.

For dinner I took another friend's advise and went to Rosa Mexicana. I liked it, my wife didn't. I will say this; if I pay $12 for a margarita, it damn well better be in a bigger glass then what I got. I don't care if it is NYC, let's tip that elbow a little higher shall we? Good guacamole though. Incidnetally, the first night we ate at a BBQ place on 44th called Virgil's. Go there. Now. Seriously.

After dinner we saw Chicago, which neither of us liked.

Now at this point I owe a giant debt or gratitude to jmeped, for telling me that Hogs & Heiffers was the inspiration for the movie "Coyote Ugly" My wife has wanted to dance on that bar ever since she saw the movie. And thanks to jmeped, she has. Several times. I would also like to thank our craziest cab driver of the trip, Ahmed, for getting us there in record time. I seriously found myself counting down the blocks and thinking "if we live for three more blocks we'll get there" And we did. Upon arrival, we realized it's a hell of a lot smaller than the movie version. We stayed for several hours and in between dancing hung out with this couple we met, Carrie "like in the movie", (maybe not the line I'd go with) and Kyle. They're going to Maine this week for vacation, where Carrie is hoping to get engaged and and Kyle is hoping to see a moose. I told him where he was guaranteed to see a moose, and my wife told Carrie a couple of techniques to guarantee she's engaged before they come home. So good luck to them.

Then we went back to the hotel and you can just move along now, nothing to see here.

Sunday we had breakfast in bed and then headed for home, tired and sore.

OK, there may have been something to see.

A good weekend and again my thanks to jmeped for helping my wife to accomplish one of her goals. And Syd? Shooting heroin and being a drag queen for a night isn't that bad.


Blogger Pud said...

Glad you had fun. But, you're not fun for not sharing with us all the kinky things you and your wife did.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

I am SO jealous of your weekend. Truly glad you enjoyed yourself though.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Sounds like good times.

Perhaps you should watch Trainspotting to see what your future as a herion addict holds.

9:50 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Zoe, maybe I could get "Lust for Life" for the soundtrack of my life. Just like Carnival Cruises.

9:57 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Well, or "Lust" anyway... I don't know about the "...for Life" part. Not that there's anything wrong with that...


10:07 AM  
Blogger jmeped said...

You are so welcome! I wish I would have known you for sure were going there, because I would have told you to look for my bra! It is small, but a good time none the less! They have a "chain" of them now which I am sure are far bigger and the bar might be less splintered but missing the charm I am sure!

12:15 PM  
Blogger jmeped said...

The bar is small, not my bra! Not that it's huge mind you, but either one I suppose is a good time!

12:21 PM  
Blogger shellibells said...

you had me at "recliner"....

sounds like you had a fun trip.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

I'm seething with jealousy. That's right, seething. I've never been to NYC and it's a dream of mine. You did everything I want to do.

Did they have the sculpture of Hilary Clinton up at the museum of sex?

3:40 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

It just hit me (I'm pretty quick)...Spamalot!! I hate you. Doubt we'll be seeing that any time soon here in MS.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I am so jealous of you and Mrs. Limpy right now!

I've never been to NYC and have always wanted to go.....

Glad you had fun!

7:12 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

y you got any suggestions??? (re: tattoo)

ps. you never leave your email.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Bostick said...

Hi. Nobody is looking at my blog and that sucks so I am posting at every blog I run across trying to get readers. Please look at my blog I feel like a loser because my wife is the only one who has commented. Thanks, im I am not a perv or anything haha. whatever dude im not gay, gah...

3:55 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Hogs and Heifers is the damn greatest place on the planet.

And mind you, I live 30 minutes from Coyote Ugly here in Tampa.

Ain't got nothin' on H&H.

Although, I did see Paris Hiltons labia at H&H and almost never went again. I think it mocked me. It might have stuck it's tongue out.

Not sure. I think she has a penis. Could have been an oversized clit. Not sure.

Glad you had fun!


5:21 PM  
Blogger little sister said... leave us to our own devices, but sheesh - look what happens when left to YOUR OWN DEVICES. yikes!

I'm envious you had fun...well, sort of, what with my being unemployed now, I don't really envy much of anyone.

8:48 PM  
Blogger shellibells said...

I'm having my ex fiance's name covered....I have others, this is the only one I regret, it's on my neck in the back.

I believe the girl that is doing my ink drew up a nice butterfly that blended in with the name and we're gonna work with that and see how it comes.

i'll be sure to post pics. :)

tattoos are addictive.

6:19 AM  

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