What I Did On My Summer Vacation

by Limpy

As you may recall, (and if you don't, just look down), we went to New York City this weekend. Without any kids. So we had no curfew, didn't have to stay sober, and were under no obligation to spend any time in Toys 'R Us or FAO Schwartz. Woo-Hoo!

So we took the train in, walked a few blocks to the hotel because we were traveling light, then saw Spamalot, which is very funny and you should all go run out and see it right now. I also met one of the actors from "Deadwood" at the show. Deadwood is on HBO and probably the best show on TV at the moment. Seriously. So much better than the Sopranos, who I think are just going through the motions til they can end the series. At least they did last year. Anyway, I go up to this guy, tell him how much I like the show, shake his hand and go back to my seat, thn turn around to watch the three poeple he'd been talking to grab pens and papers to get his autograph, because until I came along they apparently didn't know who he was. Nice guy though, very approachable.

Then we went back to the hotel and you should just mind your own business.

Next day we get up bright and early and go down to the financial district, then walk back up to the hotel, which was on 44th. Had breakfats in some little hole in the wall in SoHo. Stopped at the Museum of Sex. While we're in there a friend of mine returns a call I made the night before asking where a certain bar was. I tell him where we are and he says, without missing a beat "Oh, do they still have my balls in a jar there from when (insert ex-wife's name here) cut them off?"

They don't by the way, but they do have a certain chair prominently displayed that my wife wants me to buy. Think of a vibrator combined with recliner combined with a dentist's chair. Now stop thinking about it because you're a disgusting pig.

Then we went to Ann Taylor where I was able to sit in chair and doz off while my wife ably lightened my wallet. Finally get back to the hotel where the wife takes a nap and I go across the street to the Scottish pub and drink and watch the end of the Yankee game. I tried to have dinner there, but couldn't sell the wife on haggis.

For dinner I took another friend's advise and went to Rosa Mexicana. I liked it, my wife didn't. I will say this; if I pay $12 for a margarita, it damn well better be in a bigger glass then what I got. I don't care if it is NYC, let's tip that elbow a little higher shall we? Good guacamole though. Incidnetally, the first night we ate at a BBQ place on 44th called Virgil's. Go there. Now. Seriously.

After dinner we saw Chicago, which neither of us liked.

Now at this point I owe a giant debt or gratitude to jmeped, for telling me that Hogs & Heiffers was the inspiration for the movie "Coyote Ugly" My wife has wanted to dance on that bar ever since she saw the movie. And thanks to jmeped, she has. Several times. I would also like to thank our craziest cab driver of the trip, Ahmed, for getting us there in record time. I seriously found myself counting down the blocks and thinking "if we live for three more blocks we'll get there" And we did. Upon arrival, we realized it's a hell of a lot smaller than the movie version. We stayed for several hours and in between dancing hung out with this couple we met, Carrie "like in the movie", (maybe not the line I'd go with) and Kyle. They're going to Maine this week for vacation, where Carrie is hoping to get engaged and and Kyle is hoping to see a moose. I told him where he was guaranteed to see a moose, and my wife told Carrie a couple of techniques to guarantee she's engaged before they come home. So good luck to them.

Then we went back to the hotel and you can just move along now, nothing to see here.

Sunday we had breakfast in bed and then headed for home, tired and sore.

OK, there may have been something to see.

A good weekend and again my thanks to jmeped for helping my wife to accomplish one of her goals. And Syd? Shooting heroin and being a drag queen for a night isn't that bad.