Thursday, August 31, 2006

Why I Want To Renew My Wedding Vows

I was reading an article in the paper this morning about wedding planners. No, not becuase I have a fondness for floral arrangements or frilly dresses, (although me and heels? Look out sister!), but because I happened to know the planner being profiled. Her husband used to own the package store up the street from my house. And while I may have been kidding about my fondness for high heels, (or not), you can bet I'm not kidding about the proximity of a package store to our home being a major selling point. "No roof? Fuck it, I'll just walk up and get some beer." While the article was really fascinating to anyone who cares about brides getting hysterical about rain storms in July, a population segment that does not include me, I couldn't help noticing a small article accompanying the profile.

It seems that Ashton Kutcher is starting another series, this one with six improv actors crashing weddings. The crashing will be videotaped and then shown on some low-life channel, probably MTV. Remember when they played music on that channel. Me neither. Anyway, so now I want to renew my vows as part of an elaborate plan to "Punk" Ashton Kutcher. He can videotape my bride crying as his crashers act more and more obnoxious, and then my company can tape me beating him to death with a shovel.

I'm thinking Spike TV would definitely buy that. And I can't think of a jury in the world that would convict me, unless I were dumb enough to publicly state my intent....


Speaking of Spike, if you like vampires, (and hey, who doesn't?), I recommend watching Blade: The Series. I've been pleasantly surprised. Last night there was a really despicable villian who was dispatched by sunlight but not before having his lower jaw actually ripped off his face and then shown to him. Now there's satisfaction for the audience. I tell you, that's quality TV right there.


Blogger Syd said...

I have to admit that after reading the title, I'm a little disappointed that we weren't treated to another ass shot of your wife.

Perhaps you could post "Another reason I want...."

11:09 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Oooh, I get it now (I think). In my Bloglines I saw a post from you titled "Just for Syd". But when I clicked on it, it wasn't a valid entry. Did you take it down?

Are you taking requests for pictures of things we want you to show us? ;-)

1:39 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Hmmm.... fascinating. Blah, blah. But where's the pics??

4:36 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

That made my day.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Pictures, please!

and I've watched that "Blade" was pretty good. I can never remember what night it comes on....

5:02 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Could you BE anymore twisted? Seriously, step it up a notch. You are a fucking riot. Is this the same paper your always talking about? Does it ever contain actual news?

Your idea about punking Ashton is awesome. Do it. Do it.

I love Blade. It's so over the top. Though honestly nothing on television has topped the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where Willow, the wicca, has turned to black magic to get revenge on the guys who killed her lesbian lover. She actually ties one to a tree and then using magic, skins him alive. They showed it all! It was fucking awesome!

6:39 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

Sorry, unless there's a lesbian component to the vampire stuff I absolutely will not watch.

7:50 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

Hey, Non must be on the same wavelength as me, posting about lesbian vampire stuff!

7:51 AM  
Blogger Phronk said...

Interesting post, but what about lesbian witches?

Oh, hey, other people beat me to it!
I watched the first episode of Blade and it was alright. That sounds pretty awesome though, so maybe I should stop forgetting to watch it. Nothing can beat Buffy and Angel though.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Obviously, everything's better with lesbians :)

10:40 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have officiated the renewal of wedding vows several times, including my youngest son’s on the 5th anniversary, but none of the ceremonies have been as you, uh, want. Have fun, whether you do or don’t.

Speaking of vampires, I was married to one for 30 years.

9:10 PM  

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