Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Oh Sure, Ask The Police

My paralegal, a semi-reliable source of information regarding pop culture, (but a dead-on balls accurate source of who's scrweing who in the office), told me this morning that while there is an actual videotape of Steve Irwin's death, it's being held by the cops while they complete their investigation.

Investigation? Do they suspect foul play? Are they trying to identify which sting ray did it? Will there be an arrest? The guy got stabbed in the heart by a wild animal. Case closed. Burn the tape.

Speaking of the police...

News of the Weird, (in my favorite local weekly, The Hartford Advocate, or on the web at NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com), reports on the latest antics of the New York City PD. Frankly, I'm surprised that city hasn't descended into total anarchy by now given stories like this. Apparently four cops responded to a Bronx apartment for a landlord-tenant dispute, (knowing the Bronx this probably involved a missing roof), but "were distracted by a teenager in the hallway smoking marijuana." So, because there's nothing more important in the Bronx than a kid with a loose joint, (who won't share), the cops chased him.

This is where the pit bull comes in. From parts unknown comes the Hound of the Bronx, no doubt braying ferociously as an eeire fog creeps into the tenement hallway, (said fog being the by-product of everyone else in the building exhaling under their doors), and launching a surprise flank attack on the officers.

They respond, as New York City police seem prone to do, by discharging an overwhelming display of firepower, firing off 26 shots. Although to their credit, no one called a SWAT team for back-up. The end result? One dead dog, one officer with a dog bite, (and probably rabies and/or a series of life-altering experiences every full moon), and three officers wounded by gun-fire...from each other.

The brief story doesn't mention what happened to the landlord, the tenant, or the little bogarting bastard with the joint. I'm guessing he got away, since of the four officers chasing him, three were down with gunshots and one had a dead pitbull attached to his ass. But then, the trouble with stoners is that he may still have been at the end of the hall looking at the carnage and saying "Duuuuuuuuuude"

Anyway, hopefully, the Irwin investigation doesn't end with a dead stingray and three scuba officers with spear gun wounds, but don't count on it.

8 Comments:

Blogger Big Pissy said...

As long as the cops investigating Irwin's death aren't from the Bronx, they oughta be ok....don't you think?

3:36 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Are you sure the cops didn't confiscate the joint, smoke it and in their paranoia phase shoot each other?

4:09 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

"To serve and to protect"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! It's like a scene from Dep'ty Dawg or something. HAHAHA!

10:15 PM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Boss Hogg is gonna be mad at Roscoe for shooting Enos like that.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

I hope Flash didn't get hurt too.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

When will they revise marijuana laws? Arresting or chasing people over marijuana is a waste of time and resources.

I heard the Steve Irwin video was given to his wife who destroyed it.

12:10 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Cops everywhere seem to go out of their way to look stupid. Geesh.

4:09 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Do you think The Benny Hill Show theme started playing when the cops started chasing the kid and the dog came running out?

5:48 AM  

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