Monday, October 30, 2006

This Should Increase Emigration to Mississippi

CNN reports today that an Alabama teenager raped his own mother. You can go the CNN web-site and read it if you'd like. If you're like me, afterwards you'll feel a strong urge to gargle with bleach, and then of course post it on a blog and make bad jokes about Alabama.

In the course of the news story, you will hear the phrases "trailer park", "passed out drunk on the couch", and the fact that this crime apparently stemmed from an argument Gary Dean Helm, (why do they always have three names?), had with his brother about another woman. Why Mom had to get raped as a result of that is beyond me, but I guess Gary Dean had his reasons. And I bet he's going to have a fine time explaining all those reasons to his new friends down at the state penitentiary.

"What are you in for boy?"

"I, uh, raped my mom cuz I was mad at my brother"


"C'mere boy. Ever seen a shank before?."

And somewhere, every citizen of Mississippi breathes a sigh of relief and points with gratitiude at their neighbor. "Uh-uh. Not us. They're the fuckin' red necks."


Blogger Melanie said...

LOL! OMG! Thank you! I needed a good laugh today. And we Georgians will be pointing too;)

10:33 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Dear the sweet baby jesus.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Are there good jokes about Alabama?

Stories like that are what keep me from watching and/or reading the news.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Brighton said...

You should read some of the shite that goes on here in Texas...

12:24 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Brighton if it can top this one I don't wanna know.

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that I live in California! The stupid joke about it being full of "fruits & nuts" is fine by me!

2:04 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

Hell, I even cringed when I saw Mississippi in the title of your post. Habit.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

That's just horrifying. I'm glad I don't live there. It was bad enough having to go there on business a few years ago. (shudder)

4:00 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

So much for Alabama. If I ever do get a banjo on my knee, it'll be Louisiana that I'm goin' to.

Not to make excuses, but perhaps mom was the only female left in the county after his bro won the argument.

It's different in the south. Not "exotic" different, either.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...


Not surprisingly there was nothing about this in any of the news media in Alabama (that I know of).

I had to read about it on your blog and then

Everyone in Alabama wants to pretend that this type of crime against nature doesn't happen here.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

I'm still puzzling how "argument with brother" equals "let's go rape mom", but on the other hand, I'm suddenly happier I only have ONE child.

10:41 PM  
Blogger greymatters said...

Well, I guess Alabama has just totally redefined "MILF"?

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found my way here by way of SoozieQ and I have to are one sick bastard! And I mean that as a compliment!

Being a yankee now living in the South, I am accutely aware of the way network news lives to make people of the south look like a bunch of cousin (or in this case, mother) f**kers. I'm just glad that for once...the spotlight was not on Tennessee! Great blog, love it!

6:54 PM  

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