Things That Go Bump In The Night

My wife loves haunted things. For Christmas this year she's requested that I get her a "Ghost Hunter Starter Kit", which to me looks like a garage-door opener with some blinking lights. I've been to the web-site, (which I won't plug here), and I'm a little afraid to order from them since it doesn't look like the most professional organization. I may just get an old TV remote control and rig something up. Pretty much the same difference in my book.

We used to go to a restaurant that was rumored to be haunted. Now it's just out of business. One night my wife and one of her girlfriend's were in the bar area and went up to the dark, closed restaurant part to look for ghosts. Sadly, that's not a euphemism; they were really looking for ghosts. My wife was taking random pictures with a digital camera, and when she down-loaded them there was the unmistakeable image of a partial face near the window. She was adamant that it was supernatural. I passed the shot on to the girlfriend who started laughing her ass off. Turns out that the week before she and my wife had been at the same bar and had been pushing their faces up against the glass and making faces at the owner. They were the ghosts. I still haven't told my wife that.

I tell you all that to tell you this. Last night I'm on the couch with my wife and dog. We're watching some show called "Celebrity Paranormal Project", where they stick four or five clebrities, (in the loosest sense of the word), in a spooky place and have them look for ghosts. The celebrities in this case were David Carradine, Coolio, the guy from the first Bachelor show, a Playboy model, and a female boxer. They were in a ruined mill hunting for a ghost who supposedly set fires in the old place. I'm not sure if they ever found him or not, but I want to do this. You get all this neat looking gear and you get to run around in the dark and play Cops 'n Robbers with the undead.

The best part of the show, other than watching Carradine try to look like he was anything other than bored out of his mind, (You think the guy that played Bill gives a shit about the undead? Spooky please.), was when the Bachelor and Coolio are supposed to recreate one of the fires to draw the ghost out. So they set a fire in a trash barrel, (a first for Bachelor-boy I'm sure, not so much for Coolio), and then start aiming their temperature wands around. The Bachelor is calling out the readings and going "70, 71, 74, WHOA!! It's 114 here!", then realizes he's aiming at the trash fire.

I think that it was at that point that they heard a ghostly sigh "What a fucking moron!"