Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Gosh, I Hope He Comes To My House

The NFL has chosen Prince as the halftime entertainer for this year's Super Bowl. Which means that for roughly the 37th straight year I'll wander off and do something else during the halftime. When I originally heard this I thought that this was an odd choice, since I thought they wanted to avoid another Janet Jackson "Look At My Weirdly Decorated Boob" episode, and Prince is known as an artist with a habit of dry humping the stage, fellow band members, instruments, and pretty much anything he could wriggle his skinny little frame onto. Also, he wrote "Darling Nikki", about a lovely young thing he met, if the song is to be believed, "in a hotel lobby/masturbating in a magazine."

Again, hardly seems like the type the NFL looks to for one of their out-dated, slow, dull-as-dirt halftime shows. Although, (slightly off topic), I knew two girls in college who tried out for Up With People, those famously happy, clean-cut, well-scrubbed kids who ran around during the old halftime shows and butchered various pop songs. These two girls were, to put it mildly, partiers. Others might call them whores, in particular one of my friends who made the mistake of dating one of them. To be fair, they never made the squad, but I've always wondered about Up With People since then.

Back on topic, it turns out that the NFL isn't worried about Prince acting up due to some changes he's made in his personal life. Namely that he's become a

get this

Jehovah's Witness!!

Do you think he goes door to door and hands out copies of The Watchtower? How great would it be to see a long purple limo come out and see Prince walk up to your door to discuss religion? Would you let him in? I would. Then I'd ask him what it's like to screw Sheena Easton.

I don't think he'd come back. Especially after I told him that I think he's the thrid best musical act to come out of Minneapolis, (The Replacements and Husker Du rank 1-2), and that's only because I only know of three to begin with.

God I hope he does "Darling Nikki" at the Super Bowl. Or starts talking about Jehovah. I'll take either one.


Blogger jmeped said...

I love that little freak. I hope he comes to my house. I'll ask him to demonstrate black sweat while he can read a passage from watch tower aloud if he wants!

12:53 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Just promise to put the video on YouTube for the rest of us.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I let him in! And then since they're supposed to always tell you the truth, I'd ask point blank about his sex life. Not just Sheena Easton, the whole lot of them.
But, I'm sick that way.

2:32 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

I think the Purple One would have to arrive in a little red corvet for me to be even vaguely interested. Because, I mean, having the chauffeur wandering around while the Purple Pastor preaches would just be odd.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

The Purple Elder!

Or, The Purple Elder Formerly Known as Prince.

5:27 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

Prince is a JW?
I guess I'd let him in. I mean, he is pretty skinny so when he actually said something I didn't like I could kick his non-exsistant butt pretty easily.
I doubt god would object.

7:55 PM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Actually, Prince has always been a Jehovah's Witness. I just don't think he practiced for a long time. I'm not sure what happened to make him go back, but don't count on him singing Darling Nikki, he's stated he's not gonna sing any of his sexually charged songs ever again. So I guess his library now consists of about 4 songs total.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Madame D said...

What, he has four songs not about sex? Damn.
I'll admit, I love that little freak. Mainly because he shrieks and thinks that velvet jumpsuits are hot.
I wanna ask him about that symbol shit. How he really thought that would work out.

9:36 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I forgot about the symbol. Much like the rest of the country.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

I'll watch Prince during the half-time show...not gonna waste my $$$ this year on the stupid "lingerie bowl".

11:39 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Nonny beat me to it.

I was gonna say that Prince has always been JW.

But that's ok.

I still like his old music.

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's awesome. If Prince came to my house to push the Jehovah stuff on me, I'd let him in. Even though we hide from the other Jehovahs (who for some reason have been coming by constantly lately), if they had purple limos and looked like they might hump my fridge, I might let them in, too, just for the entertainment. Maybe their church should look into getting some purple limos and leopard suits for their bible-pushers.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

So you, too, had wandered away from your TV when Janet’s boob flopped out? I was making myself a pizza.

Prince being a Jehovah's Witness seems incongruous to me. But, when he performs on Super Bowl Sunday, I will most likely be away from the TV.

I used to enjoy Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormon boys ringing my door bell. I would engage them in theological debates, although they seldom went far enough from their memorized scripts to provide me with any intellectual challenges. I usually felt that I won the debates; however, I doubt that what I said ever prevented any of them from ringing my neighbors’ doorbells.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He showed up at my place in a little red Corvette. I think he spent more time pissing and moaning about the speeding ticket he just got, rather than discussing JW propaganda.

Then when I stepped out of the kitchen for a moment (There was a Lutheran at the door. Why am I a magnet for these people?), he helped himself to my last Dove Bar. While this didn't make me cry, it DID piss me off. The dude was more of a "Purple Pain", if you ask me.

Still, if I do make the cut as one of the 144,000 chosen ones, me and my raspberry beret will be in the fabled "Catbird Seat".

6:20 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Dammit Pug, my "was he wearing a raspberry beret?" response was good up until your last line. Curse you!

8:53 AM  

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