Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I Pronounce A Fatwa

Actually, I probably mispronounce it, but never mind.

I will give $1,000,000,(Peruvian. You could buy a coke!), to the person who brings me the head of whatever son of a bitch invented those stupid hard plastic tie things that every fucking toy maker seems compelled to use to secure every single toy to pieces of cardboard. A highly necessary security invention given that most of them now seem to be sealed in nearly impentrable vaccuum sealed plastic casings.

Other than the six or seven cuts on my hands I'm having a great vacation. Hope your holidays are going well too.

Seriously. Bring me their heads.


Blogger Syd said...

Fuckin' A.

On top of that, some of the bastards GLUE the fuckers to the packaging. I nearly threw away some of TLF's shit instead of opening it.

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gave everyone in our family the Black & Decker power scissors this year as gifts. They can cut through those things like *this* (oh and your fingers if you're my Brother. Ouch)


1:57 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I'll toss in another Coke for that bounty!

Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie, etc.

5:12 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

OK, kill the packaging bastards, agreed. But what about the children dancing about in ecstasy (no, not ON ecstasy...) saying, "Mom, did you get it now? Is it ready yet? Can I play with it? C'mon, Mom, can't you get it out??" Can we at least tranquilize them??

5:22 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have come to an age when I avoid purchasing any toy that requires more time and effort to remove from the package than the kids require to break it.

5:48 PM  
Blogger CP said...

I thought at first you wrote "someone give me head". I was like, WOW. That's blatant!

Oh well. It's the season of giving.

Hope your holiday was wonderful.


7:38 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

well, if you're bored CP...

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, those bastards should be shot. It's bad enough they don't include batteries with the stuff.

5:29 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Amen brother!!!!

The shit is ridiculous. How excited do I get when something is just vacuum sealed. We now hang a pair of scissors and wirecutters on the tree.

7:22 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

Like Johnnie Cochran used to say, "if you can't open da gift, you ain't dat swift".

My kids are getting older (9 & 11 now) and there's a lot less of those hard plastic ties - they did get a lot of gift cards this year.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oddly, the small pointed stick I received for Christmas didn't come with anything like that at all.
I feel left out on so MANY levels.

I may be able to use my sharp stick to help you out with your request, however.
Let me get back to you on that.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Flinstone's Chewable Valium for the kids, a ban on those g-damn overtaped twistie things and glued on crap that the manufacturers love to put on the packaging, not to mention the packaging for scissors that can only be opened...*deep breath* with a pair of scissors.
That, and the overbagging of the Tinkertoys. Too much plastic for any toy. Grrr.
/Perhaps I need a dose of the calming yet delicious chewable tablets, too. ;o)

6:18 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

There were 12, yes TWELVE screws on a truck my son recieved. His father was barely able to unscrew them. They were on TWO LEVELS of plastic.
They really really don't want you to play with it.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

No little tie problem. ;-)

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so agree, those people should DIE. Or maybe we could just attach them to cardboard with those plastic things then encase them in plastic...

12:25 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

So. So. True.

Happy New Year!!!

10:50 PM  

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