It's Like They Know
We got a XMAS bonus this year. Not enough to take that trip to Tahiti I'd been planning on, (swinging by Syd's on the way to drop off the kids), but enough to upgrade some gifts from zirconium to cubic zirconium. My generosity knows bounds the way Mike knows hoops.
At any rate, this weekend I'm tossing around the football with my son and debating whether I should spend the bonus on a bottle of good scotch for me, (or 3-4 mediocre bottles), or take the family out to dinner at Chili's and just pray we avoid the e. coli monster. Out comes my daughter to join us, which is another way of saying "annoy her older brother", and she's wearing her winter coat. I think it's a hand-me down from some Pilgrim. It's old.
Me: "Hey, zip up your coat. It's not that warm out here"
Her: "I can't, it's busted"
Me: "Come here, I'll fix it"
She trots over, since she's learned that if she listens and obeys she gets treats. Her brother is a little slower at this and therefore eats lots of gruel. I lean over, expecting to unstick a zipper, and find that there is no zipper. At all.
Me: "Where's our zipper"
Her: "I dunno"
Me: "When did you lose it"
Her: "I think last year" (although she's five and this could mean last week)
Me: (sigh) "Get in the car. We're going shopping"
Now we're both warm. her with her new coat and me with a bottle of Old Rotgut #5.
At any rate, this weekend I'm tossing around the football with my son and debating whether I should spend the bonus on a bottle of good scotch for me, (or 3-4 mediocre bottles), or take the family out to dinner at Chili's and just pray we avoid the e. coli monster. Out comes my daughter to join us, which is another way of saying "annoy her older brother", and she's wearing her winter coat. I think it's a hand-me down from some Pilgrim. It's old.
Me: "Hey, zip up your coat. It's not that warm out here"
Her: "I can't, it's busted"
Me: "Come here, I'll fix it"
She trots over, since she's learned that if she listens and obeys she gets treats. Her brother is a little slower at this and therefore eats lots of gruel. I lean over, expecting to unstick a zipper, and find that there is no zipper. At all.
Me: "Where's our zipper"
Her: "I dunno"
Me: "When did you lose it"
Her: "I think last year" (although she's five and this could mean last week)
Me: (sigh) "Get in the car. We're going shopping"
Now we're both warm. her with her new coat and me with a bottle of Old Rotgut #5.
posted by limpy99 at 2:00 PM
10 Comments:
You're such a good Dad. Because technically you could have both been "warm" with just your purchase. I know it's not a good idea to give children alcohol, I'm just pointing out the goodness of your ways since you didn't go that route!
~SoozieQ
Congratulations, Limpy: you made a fine parental decision!
I bought my son 8 pairs of new pants for school. They all have holes in the knees already. That's what I'm spending my xmas bonus on. Of course it keeps going down every year so I'm thinking it's gonna be about $22.50.
What a stud!
And we know it took every ounce of your willpower to drive by the prostitute on the corner without stopping. (Okay, so we know you slowed down and that the kidlet was in the car....but you're making SUCH progress!)
Bring 'em on. I'm not ashamed to have a 5 yr old shoveling horse shit in the barn. We're all about equal opportunity.
Hmmm...not sure about your decision making skills there, my friend.
Then again, I don't have kids!
(But, um...you know...way to go on the whole 'good dad' thing!)
"...with the kid in her jacket
and limpy unscrewing his cap,
he will soon settle down
for a long winter's nap." I couldn't think of a good rhyme for "pass out on the bathroom floor covered in his own vomit".
I've ogt a hand me down coat froma pilgrim as well...
It's not bad...
Don't knock the pilgrims. ;)
Steve~
Here's the thing Maggie. The other day my daughter and I were driving to the hardware store on another errand and we really did go past a hooker. She even tried to get my attention. It was hilarious.
I did slow down too, but only because she had taken the precaution of sauntering around by a stop sign. Location, location, location.
Syd, if you think my kids haven't shoveled shit, albeit dog shit, you're wrong. We ain't raising no shrinking violets up here.
Phollower, I'm trying to get something going with the claymation figure "Wilson and Gromet" I'll keep you posted.
Everyone else, thanks for the compliments on my parenting skills, but we all know it was guilt that kept me from buying the good bottle and letting her shiver.
Guilt, schmilt... you were afraid some teacher would call CPS. ;)
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