Thursday, December 07, 2006

Now War is Declared, and Battle Come About

Fox News has declared victory in the long-running and bloody "War on Christmas". The reason victory is declared? Well, it seems Wal-Mart has decided to start greeting its shopers with "Merry Christmas" instead of the "Happy Holidays" greetings those heateh bastards were using over the last couple of years, thereby getting Bill O'Reilly's knickers in a twist and leading to all sorts of bloodshed over the proper way to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Or Hannukah.

Or Kwanzaa.

Or the Winter Solstice.

Or most important of all, my daughter's 6th birthday. Which is coming up and which Wal-Mart will have nothing to do with.

I can see where victory would be declared now that the mighty fortress of Wal-Mart has capitulated. After all, if Jesus stood for nothing else it was for low wages, poor health-care, employing undocumented workers and minors in dangerous jobs, and geenrally pricing community stores right out of business.

But this anti-Xmas guerilla isn't giving up the fight. Nope, I'll continue to avoid saying "Merry Xmas" as long as I can, and in fact, in light of this set-back, I'm breaking out the big guns. You say "Merry Christmas", I say "Go Fuck Yourself."

Actually, I probably won't say that, but since I finished my shopping yesterday, (except for Syd's gift, which it turns out is illegal in 49 states, two Canadien provines and most of Mexico) now's your chance to say it to me.


Blogger Maggie said...

Happy Festivus!

7:19 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Just one more reason that I refuse to give one dime to wal-mart.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I want to know what Syd's gift is.:)

8:43 AM  
Blogger Madame D said...

Unfortunately, I'm too poor to shop at anywhere BUT Wal-Mart. Sure, it'd be fun to spend twice as much money for the same thing somewhere else, but where's the challenge there? My favorite part of going to Wal-Mart is seeing all the scary scary people.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Season's Greetings!

Happy Holidays!

Joy of the Season!

Go in Peace!

Fuck off!

Yeah, I'd say they all mean about the same thing to me.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

I can't pas up a chance chance like this.

11:24 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...


12:01 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Gosh, if they say it at Wal-Mart, it must be true. Who knew the path to the savior could be found in the purchase of penny-shit created by overworked-underage slaves in third-world countries??

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Fucking Xmas! As atheists we cut the Christ right out of it and just use the X instead. ;)

7:37 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

Happy WHAT?? It's been so long since I've heard that.

Bah. Merry Debt to all.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus doesn't like to pay too much for his "Friends" DVD's. ;)


9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well in that case make mine a "Blue Christmas", as Walmart also refuses to continue the tradition of the Blue Light Special.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read SuperBlondeGirl's comment, and was inspired.

So how about a "Malcolm X-MAS", my brothas (and sistas)!

10:28 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have never gotten the issue of the anti-Christmas movement. After all, Christmas stopped being a Christian Holy Day, a least in the U.S., about 80 years ago.

11:44 AM  

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