Friday, December 01, 2006

Somewhere, Nonny Rushes To Find An Application

Connecticut has a fairly well-known college in its midst called Wesleyan. Located in Middletown, it's famous for being ultra-liberal and full of kids who are enraged at the unfairness of the world and express this anger by only occasionally bathing and leading disorganized protests until the administration starts letting them write on the sidewalks with chalk again. I'm actually not making that up.

Wesleyan offers classes in making your own porno films, or at least it did, and the final exam was, you guessed it, make your own porno. I would have taken that class. And probably failed.

While the grubby little turds whine about the hardships they face as oppressed people/persons/womyn/dwarves/orcs/elves or whatever they're feeling like that day, their parents shell out in excess of $30,000 a year.

As you may have figured out by now, I generally have little use for these rich little crybabies, even if I probably agree with 80% of what they want politically. I'm such the leftist.

But credit must be given where credit is due. And soemwhere between whining about chalk and creating graffiti in the tunnels, these little bastards have come up with what might be the greatest campus-wide game ever.

Zombies vs. Humans.

I'll say that again while Nonny hyperventilates.

Zombies vs. Humans.

The game works like this. At the start there's more humans than zombies. The humans wear bandannas on their arms, the zombies on their heads. As the zombies succesfully attack humans, their ranks swell. The game continues until there's only one human left. The humans can fend off the zombies with various soft ammunition like nerf guns, marshmallows and rolled up socks. Classes and dorm rooms are safety zones, which is the one quibble I have with this game. What better way to liven up Statistics 101 than to come lurching in groaning "braiiiiinnnns, braiiiinnnnns", and proceeding to "eat" half the class before being brought down in a hail of Peeps? Hell, I'd go to class.

Of course, the porno class probably doesn't need any livening up, so that should stay a safety zone.

So hats off to the spoiled little dweebs. They've hit gold on this one. My application for a Master's program in zombie slaying is in the mail.


Blogger Maggie said...

Oh, I am sooo there.

Can I get extra credit if I start quoting from "Shaun of the Dead"? What if you can renact it? Automatic "A"?

10:48 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...


I probably would have gotten my degree had they done shit like this when I was in college. If you want to call Akron University a college. I'm not making that up, it's an actual school and I actually went there. But I majored in dropping acid and nine-ball ;)

11:00 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

I was looking for a school to do my Masters work. I think I just might be able to work up a thesis around zombies for a Masters in evolutionary biology/population genetics.

And yes maggie, I think you should get extra credit for that.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

Holy crap that's cool!
Nonny-Oh yeah, good ol' Akron U. My brother went there. He's now a conservative radio talk-show host. (corellation? Maybe)

Though, I have a friend who would LOVE the porno class. Me, I just wanna write 'em.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

*blank look*
Dude, wait...

5:20 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

"Shaun of the Dead" rocks.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They have that at my sister's school, too- she forwarded this mass campus email to me about it. She goes to Goucher in Maryland, so apparently it's a growing trend at expensive liberal schools. But I don't think they have a porno class there. I might have to go to Wesleyan just to take a porno class... it's only an hour's drive!

6:30 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

How do they decide who get to be the original zombies for the year? An election? Draw straws? GPA from previous years? Auditions? Because I want to be prepared for my entrance exam.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Hmmm, Zombie does Human or Back Door Zombie Romp...

4:00 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It seems to me that the zombies would always win. Where’s the game?

Classes in making porn movies? Wesleyan sounds like a Methodist school name—i.e., John Wesley, the founder of the denomination. If so, Kermit should have said “they sure don’t look like Methodists” rather than Presbyterians.

Of course, I was visiting Union Seminary in NYC back in the 80s when the students produced a nude stage play. Those are my kind of Christians!

9:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Finally there is a place for my vision of a porno featuring bandanas and chalk. Now all I need is $30,000 and gas money.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd take a class in porn making. ;)


9:56 AM  
Blogger Amichai said...

I hate stupid college protests. Even when i agree with their politics, i never did that shit in college because it was always a waste of time. It's like, most people would rather protest something, than take the time and work long term to actually try doing something positive to correct whatever situation they are protesting.

I never knew Wesleyen was so much like Hampshire college, though I don't know if there is a porn course in Hampshire. generally, I'd be pretty wary of anyone taking that class.

10:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a cool way to distract yourself from the pressure! "Hail of Peeps" was hilarious. Thanks for the visual!

5:35 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Even my advanced age, would go there just for the zombie game.

p.s. My husband teaches Statistics at a college.

Somebody has to, right?

9:12 PM  

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