Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Home Cookin'

In celebration of my finishing one year of writing this crap, Lady K promised me a casserole. Which I'm still waiting for. But in response to her generous offer I mentioned that as a wee child growing up, my mom would occasionally make a dish that was called "Hot Dog Casserole." Coincidentally, this dish involved hot dogs.

We were always big on truth in advertising in our house.

But that's not all it involved. In addition to the scraped up remains of goats, hogs and other animals I'd rather not think about, this casserole contained a couple of packets of Birdseye frozen mixed vegetables, elbow macaroni, and a liberal, and I do mean liberal, helping of mayonaisse to hold it all together.

No one's going to ask for this recipe are they?

Here's the thing though. I loved it. If my mom told me we were having it for dinner, I would get as excited as I now would if my wife said that she was grilling up a thick steak for dinner and that Jessica Biel was coming over to eat it off her stomach. I would be THAT happy. I loved it.

So in law school while living in an apartment with three other guys, I would occasionally make it myself. Everyone laughed, but I liked it just fine. Plus it was quick and I didn't have to pick cockroaches out of any of the ingredients, since they were either frozen, refrigerated, or in a sealed bag. Unlike when we'd try to make pancakes and the Bisquick would be moving.

That's not a joke. It is, however, an excellent source of protein.

So anyway, time passes and I haven't made this stuff in years. Nor has my mother. Probably because we've all realized what that shit would do to our arteries. So recently my wife is making fun of my cooking skills, which consist mostly of not burning the Eggos, and she brings up hot dog casserole. All of a sudden, like prairie dogs looking for hawks, the kids pop up from the other side of the table.

"Hot dog casserole? What's that? Is it good? Can you make it? Now?"

I look at my wife. She shrugs. "They're your kids", conveniently forgetting that I saw both of them come out of HER. I agree to re-enter the kitchen for a one-time only performance. I get out the macaroni, the hot dogs, some kind of frozen vegetables, and of course, the mayo. I boil, slice, strain and mix. I serve. I include a portion for myself.

It's awful. I can't believe I liked this stuff. Jessica Biel eating steak off my wife's stomach would be WAAAAAAAYYYY better than this! And also probably better than opium, but I wouldn't know because while my mom would serve hot dog casserole, she never did let us have opium.

The kids? Oh, they loved it. But we're still eating pizza tonight.


Blogger JD's Rose said...

Yeah. I think I might pass on that one...


5:11 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Sometimes our tastes change as we mature. The hot dog casserole of your younger days must be one of those tastes loved only by kids.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

I was actually, for somee odd reason, in the mood for pancakes all day. I was going to make them for dinner tonight. Even though the mix is in a ziplock bag, I can't quite stomach the notion of making them now.

Damn you.

7:40 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Mayo to hold it together?!?! Really?

That's just wrong man. Yuk.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Zoe said...

In the event that your wife ever does eat steak off of Jessica Beil, please post pictures. Or if you know in advance, sell tickets.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Pud said...'s amazing what you like as a kid that you wouldn't dream of eating now. I use to mix peanut butter, jelly and maple syrup in a bowl and eat it. But not now-a-days.

9:10 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

OH YUCK. My sister-in-law made that shit once...we ended up ordering pizza, too. And I POSTED pictures of that casserole the other day, by the way.

5:51 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

My dad used to make this stuff for breakfast that he called "Fried Spaghetti". It was just left over pasta (the noodles, no sauce) panfried in butter or bacon grease (obviously the preferred method) along with onions and whatever else was in the fridge; leftover lunchmeat, sausage, veggies of nearly any sort, etc. My dad generally only cooked on the weekend so he threw all the stuff left in the fridge together. I totally loved it. I still do. In fact it's one of The Spousal Unit's favorite breakfasts as well. I think I will make it for breakfast tomorrow. If anyone's in the area I'll make extra.

5:55 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

I find something comforting in all of that incredibly gross food I ate as a kid.

Just like your story. The food that I loved as a kid, because I hadn't realized, or yet discovered, how truly gross it was.

I get nostalgic for it every now and again.

More, again than now. But still.

6:49 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

JDR: The Jellybean would love it!

Nick: I think kids will go for anything involving gobs of mayo. Adults, eh, not so much.

Rat: Sorry to ruin your breakfast plans. There's always hash!

Tysgirl: Yes, yes it is. I somehow doubt we'll ever see the day when the secret ingredient on Iron Chef is...MAYONAISSE!!!!

Zoe: Actually, if that day ever comes I'll be far more concerend about avoiding the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, because the end of the world can't be far behind.

Pud: You had me until maple syrup.

LadyK: I saw the picture. It looked good. Couldn't quite get the taste of it, and I got yelled at for licking my computer screen. At least it was food this time.

Phollower: That actually sounds good. I used to dip bread in hot bacon grease. God that was good. And good for you too!

PG: It is nice to think back to when we were kids and not at all worried about what that 6th 3 Musketeers bar was doing to our insides.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Steven Novak said...

There are few things that WOULDN'T be better than Jessica beil eating steak off of my wifes stomach. ;)


9:07 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

A few??? Name ONE.

9:52 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

You can have the casserole, the wife, the Biel, and the stomach... but pass the steak on over here, eh? Thanks.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...


7:27 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Hey! In my Folklore class, we talked about family-folklore recipes. I think the most popular one was a version of tuna-casserole called "Throw-Up," "Up Chuck," or whatever else the family came up with. Our version of your Hot Dog Casserole was indeed made with tuna instead of hot-dogs, and we passed over the mayo. Everything else, however, sounds about right. We added ketchup, too.



11:01 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Eclectic, until I see Jessica Biel you can get your own steak.

BP, yes indeed. Mayonaisse. The condiment of the gods. The slow, fat gods.

Alkelda, thanks for the semi-support. Tuna always somehow legitimizes a casserole. Even one with mayo and ketchup.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Yasamin said...

your fascination with jessica beil and steak freaks me out to no end. ;P

and its okay. we make mac'n'cheese with hotdogs cut up and thrown in. ;D its good stuff.

but mayo is the devil i cant get near it without gagging like a virgin.

11:47 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

I had to eat much of the same garbage when I was growing up. I like to think it's made us stronger adults.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I caught you a delicious bass...

11:02 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Yasamin: I like to think my facination with Jessica Biel and steak just confirms my heterosexuality. At least, that's what I'm desperately hoping it will do.

Pug: Indeed brother. Stronger adults with narrower arteries.

Lady K: Well, after we both go and vote for Pedro, we'll grill that sumbitch right up!

9:35 AM  
Blogger Christinewjc said...

Want a great tuna casserole recipe? Everyone who has ever tried it loves it (or, they lied)!

Your blogger friend who has nothing in common with you...

5:30 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Oh, come on Christine, we both like casserole!

10:19 AM  
Blogger Christinewjc said...

In that case, I will share the recipe! My personal preference changes are included.

Tuna Casserole

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Cook 6 oz. (3 cups) medium noodles using package directions; drain.
(I cook 4 cups...two hungry men to feed)

Combine cooked noodles and:
One 6 or 7 oz. can tuna, drained.
(I only use albacore white tuna in water and I add two cans)

1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sliced celery
1/3 cup chopped onion
(I pre-cook the celery and onion for 1 min. on high in microwave)
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
(I substitute 1/2 cup frozen peas)
1/4 cup chopped (or sliced) pimento
1/2 teaspoon salt

Blend one 10 1/2 oz. can condensed cream of celery soup and
1/2 cup milk
(I only use Campbells cream of celery...taste best)
Heat through in pot on stove.
Add 4 oz. (1 cup) sharp shredded cheddar cheese (you can substitute other cheese, but sharp tastes best); heat and stir until cheese melts.

Add to noodle mixture.
Turn into 2-quart casserole dish.

If desired, top with 1/2 cup toasted slivered (or sliced, blanched) almonds. (I find that I don't need to toast them on stove...they brown while in oven).

Bake uncovered at 425 degrees for 20 minutes. Makes 6 servings.

After you try it...let me know what you think of this recipe.

10:39 AM  

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