Friday, January 05, 2007

I Can't See Clearly Now, The Rain Is Here

Heading into the weekend, here are some developments at Chez Limpy. Last night, as I usually do on Thursdays, I played poker. On Tuesdays I molest pigeons, but that's really not any of your business is it? I won some cash, (about enough to pay for one of the four struts we need to replace on one of our cars), and wandered home at 2 am. Five hours later I am awakened by the sound of several men clomping around on my roof and banging on things.

Naturally my first thought was that the Feds were on to my meth lab operation. My second thought was that the guy my wife knows who said he was going to fix the leak in our roof that the other guy my wife knows apparently left there when he redid the roof was here at an ungodly early hour. My third thought was that I should stop hiring people my wife knows. And my fourth and final thought was that if you're going to run a meth lab, you probably shouldn't mention it in your blog. So you heard nothing, got it?

Later my wife comes in. The second guy has apparently told her that a) the first guy was probably using illegal labor in the form of retarded chimpanzees and did a shitty job, b) we should report his ass to the state, c) we need a new roof, d) a legitmate estimate for such a project is probably $10,000.

Anyone wanna buy a house?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

We need a new roof too, maybe you could sell pigeon sex tapes to one of those fetish sites...

10:35 AM  
Blogger Nonny said...

Jesus guy, when it rains it pours I guess. That's a buttload of money for sure. My husband isn't a roofer-sorry. I do not even want to begin to imagine how one would go about molesting a pigeon.

10:39 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

You wouldn't happen to have the URL for any of those sites would you Brighton? And if you do, I really, really don't want to know.

Nonny, I may be a roofer before this is all over. Gaa!

10:50 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

Let me know how your self-roofing job goes...I'm in need of a new roof too.

That's the last thing I want to spend 10K on ya know.

11:26 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I am looking into all sorts of ways to avoid such a cash lay-out. So far ignoring the problem is tops on the list.

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll bet you $10,000 you can't fix the roof yourself.

2:06 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

That is nasty!

Congrats on the win, but I think the excitment has been dampened somewhat.


2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, now that blows big time! Not you and the pigeon but the fact that it might cost you $10K for a roof.

2:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an idea:

Build a platform out of 1/2" plywood that matches your roof area, and mount it onto your roof using the old struts from the Mrs. Limpy-mobile.

Whenever rain or snow hits it, the platform will subtly shift, gracefully sliding the precipitation onto the ground below.

This solution will also provide a form of poetic justice in your being able to tell Mrs. Limpy that somebody YOU know fixed the problem.

Oh, don't thank me. Helping fellow bloggers is what I do.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...


Chateau Limpy needs a $10,000 lid replacement. Ouch! Sorry to read that one.

Selling a kidney on Ebay?

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! All I can think of is the movie The Money Pit!

At least you're not cooking meth in the penthouse suite of a hotel across from the UN THAT would be stupid. More stupid than mentioning it in your blog, which, by the way, I didn't read and have no idea about it.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hey, Limpy, I have four roofs on my house, put on by various owners since it was built in 1905. I had to have the beams reinforced to that a heavy snow won’t literally bring my much too heavy roof down. I graciously offer you three of the four roofs; all you have to do is come to Louisville and take them.

10:03 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Phollower cracked me up. Dude, we lost our shirts (metaphorically speaking -- I haven't ever actually lost a real shirt) with a bad roof when we lived in Orlando. The inspector that worked for our mortgage company screwed us huge by not thoroughly checking the roof which was then determined to be unsatifactory by the inspector for our buyers. 8 thousand later... we sold the house and left.

10:38 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Phollower, double or nothing I get hurt real bad trying it.

Pug, I, uh, wasn't going to thank you. Not that the idea wasn't interesting though.

Maggie, well they certainly won't take my liver!

Nick, I'm sending a truck. If you could color coe the roofs in the emantime, I'd appreciate it.

Eclectic, if I sell this house, this whole conversation never happened! I know Little Sister gets it (a UN meth lab???)

7:44 PM  
Blogger Madame D said...

I know, why not let the hypothetical, I have no idea about it meth lab pay for it? Give the kids something to do after school! Great family activity for the weekends!

8:58 PM  

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