Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I'm Not Saying This Again

An Open Post to the good people at Dunkin Donuts:

For the last goddamn time, no I do not want to try your new "White Hot Chocolate". I also do not want to get two doughnuts and "make it a combo meal". I want regular hot chocolate and I want one doughnut. Just one. See, that way I won't seal my arteries with all sorts of greasy, sugary goodness by cramming an extra jelly roll in there. Honest to Christ, even McDonald's is humping salads these days and you people are trying to get us to eat more doughnuts!

And Hot White Chocolate? Whoever thought that up should be fired, pronto. Who would order that? My asking for my daily medium hot chocolate, hold the whipped cream wasn't gay enough for you? You've got to throw white chocolate out there too?

Look, just give me what I order and take my money. And if I want my hot chocolate white and my doughnuts doubled, you know what? I'LL FUCKING ASK FOR THEM!!!

Yours Sincerely,



Blogger Nonny said...

I hate white chocolate, and hot white chocolate sounds absolutely disgusting.

You should try and be more appreciative, at least you have a Dunkin Donuts, the closest one to me is about 45 minutes away. I could really go for some donut holes and coffee.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Sir, how about a White Chocolate Glazed Doughnut to go with your boorish regular hot chocolate?

6:52 PM  
Blogger Syd said...


7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Valued Customer,

We appreciate your patronage and feedback. As our way of saying "thanks", we will be mailing you a coupon good for 50% off of a White Hot Chocolate combo meal (to which I will personally apply the "glazing").

Cordially yours,

Pug Sprinkler
Customer Relations
Dunkin Donuts

8:02 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Nonny, if I drive 45 minutes in any direction I can almost guarantee passing at least three Dunkin' Donuts stores. They're like weeds up here.

Nick, I prefer my bougeosie jelly stick thank you very much.

See, Syd gets it. Of course, Syd also would have pulled a gun by now, but that's another story.

Pug, I'm pretty aure the doughnut you describe is the "manager's special" at one of the stores I now avoid.

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, wait a minute...

Do you or don't you want to try our white hot chocolate? ;)


9:13 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...


10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

White hot chocolate and two doughnuts (like that funny Canadian spelling don't you!) equals a 'meal combo'?!?


Canada is so behind on these things.

1:00 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Of course, you're way ahead of us on legalized dope, which in turn will lead to considering two doughnuts and a hot chocolate as a balanced meal.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Bruce said...

Why the hell do these people keep asking us these questions? If I wanted hot white chocolate or "Fries with that", I'd say so, for Christ's sake.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always look around when they ask me if I want *this* or *that* because if I had wanted *THIS* or *THAT*, I would have asked for it. Seems like common sense. I guess I keep thinking that they're directing the question elsewhere.

I always thought Dunkin Donuts was like the poor man's Winchell's Donuts. My Brother just told me recently that their coffee is like Starbucks quality. Who knew? I don't drink coffee but my Brother does and has the Dunkin Donut brand shipped to his house. Go figure.

3:04 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

They are just doing their bit to help with the world obesity problem... Afterall, their business does rely on it!


4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm fucking BACK, okay?

11:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I am allergic to white AND pink chocolate. What the hell is THAT shit about? Chocolate is CHOCOLATE, PERIOD. Don't FUCK with me when I'm PMS'ing. GOT IT?


11:23 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...


Krispy Kreme so blows them away it's not even funny.

Can you believe the last time I drove thru DD they didn't even have any glazed munchkins or jelly filled glaze donuts available! Fuck them.

3:52 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

They ARE all about that gawd damn donut combo, aren't they?

But man I miss me a good cup of Dunkin D's coffee!

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now I want donuts. Damn you all.

8:42 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Phollower, just got to DD. I guarnatee they'll offer you at least two of 'em.

And Lady K, what the hell is pink chocolate???

Pud, surely the Middle East has good coffee if nothing else?

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My donut story of the week? No prob. At about 6 pm I went into a convenience store to pay for my gas. While there, I refill my Diet Pepsi. On the way out, I spy the donut rack. The sign says "Donuts, 3 for a dollar after 4 pm." So I grab one. I go to the counter, only to discover that they really mean 3 for a dollar. One is a dollar. Three is also a dollar. But I only want one. I don't want anyone else in here to think I could actually eat three donuts.

Other than that, I'm freezing.

12:20 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Grab two more on the way out set them on fire for warmth.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read a good description of white chocolate in a book. To smell it, the directions were to "scratch and sniff" the little square etched on the paper. To know what it tasted like, the directions were to "cut and chew" that square of paper.

I haven't had a doughnut in a long, long time. Now that I know two doughnuts equals a meal, I may have to remedy the situation.

4:00 PM  

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