Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Punch Buggy & The Joy Of Ambush

This post was inspired by Steve Novak's tale of abusing his wife through that old "Jinx-Owe me a Coke!" game we played when we were kids and two people said the same thing at the same time. Except that Steve played it that you yelled jinx and then the other person couldn't talk until you released you jinx. And apparently I am either a) a girl, or b) gay, because I played the "owe me a Coke" version. Fortunately, I am willing to sell my masculinity for a soda pop, so I can live with that. I will not, however, sell my birthright for a mess of pottage.

Check THAT out bitches!! Biblical references!! Your key to substantive literature!!

That last line? I totally ripped it off from "Bloom County". I mean word for word. That kids, is plagiarism. Except that I properly sourced it, so we're going to call it an homage.

But I come here not to bury Caesar, but to explain the game of "Punch Buggy" to Steve. Frankly, given the contents of his blog, I can't believe he's never played this game, but he expressed confusion and so, in an effort to allow him to regress even more to 10-year-old status, (his admission), here we go.

Punch Buggy was a game I picked up in college, although apparently most kids who weren't shut-ins playing Dungeons & Dragons with their equally geeky friends all through middle and high school, (No really, Zoe, it's totally cool to play D&D as an adult though), ("Gramma, I'm an orc" STILL kills me), knew about it much before that. And they knew how to approach women. And dress. and a lot of other things, but this game is about Punch Buggy.

How long do you think I can keep rambling before I actually explain the game?

OK, here we go. The game can be played by two or more people. It can be played incars, but if so, its generally considered a good idea to immediately disqualify the driver. Sort of like Olympic bobsledding would be safer for everyone if the team from the Virgin Islands was just immediately disqualified. Nice sled colors though.

As the parties mosey along, the opportunity may arise to observe old fashioned Volkswagon Beetles. The new kind do not count. Although they might have to soon, becuase the older models are increasingly confined to third world countries like Cuba, Mexico and Alabama. (Syd puts down the gun). Upon observing such a vehicle, and making note of its color, the game is on. The first person to yell out "Punch Buggy Yellow, (or blue, red, hippie-pastel-flowers), and punch their opponent on the shoulder, wins a point. Person with the most points at the end of the trip, or the last one who can actually raise their shoulder, wins.

The two people I knew who were most enthusiastic about this game were my brother and his ex-girlfriend. One day thet stopped at our house and she was complaining because they had seen a lot of beetles on the way over and she was really sore. I knew why they were seeing so many. I took her aside, becasue if there's anything more fun than punching people in the shoulder when a car drives by, it's setting up your brother to get the crap beat out of him by a girl.

Down the street from our house was a state park. At the state park was a convention of VW Beetle enthusiasts. While walking the dog, I had noticed a field full of Beetles, all kinds of colors. First I whaled on the dog, yelling "punch buggy blue, green, red, yellow", until she bit me, then I came home. The field where the convention was being held was just beyond a small hill. In other words, you couldn't see it until you were right on top of it. I told the girl to drive down that way, and the second they topped the rise to just start yelling "Punch Buggy" followed by random colors and punch the bejesus out of my brother's shoulder.

He didn't talk to me for a week.

So there you are Steve. Punch Buggy explained. Happy hunting.


Blogger Zoe said...

Even the D&D playing geek that I am, I have been playing this game since middle school. We called it slug bug, I'm sure that's just a colloquial difference.

Did you play the perdiddle/perdunk game? In our region, perdiddle was for headlight and perdunk was for taillights. Perdiddles were worth kisses, perdunks were worth more than kissing.

9:08 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I've heard the term "slug bug" as well. And no, sadly I didn't get to play "perdiddle/perdunk". Apparently you missed the part about my geeky high school years leading to zero ability with the girls.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Tai said...

I've been playing it since I was 5. AND, as a Canadian, we added a cunning little twist to our version.

We yell "Blue PUNCH BUGGY, no return!!"
Which means that unless the victim sees another blue bug at some other time and is able to reciprocate BEFORE the other player, he/she can then continue on with other coloured buggy's as they may desire.
It's complicated.
But we could handle it 'cus we're Canadian!

Also? I object to you hitting your dog. Only the fact that she bite you makes it okay.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I didn't play "Punch Buggy" until I was in high school. I came from a family that attempted to practice pacifism. It didn't stop my brothers and me from in-home fights, though.

3:18 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Ty still gets giddy and punches me when he sees a beetle. We live in Tennessee---> the other 3rd world country you forgot to add to your list.

If he ever figures out that perdiddle/perdunk can be played with sexual favors as currency...his ass will be riding on the roof rack!

6:20 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

You Yankees play some weird games. (Sorry, I realize that “Yankee” is only half a word). (I plagiarized that last sentence, too, but I can remember from whom).

7:36 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

"First I whaled on the dog until she bit me" OMG that made me laugh my ass off.

You got your brother good. We also called it "slug bug."

5:42 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

We called it Punch Buggy as well but by the time college rolled around we had stopped playing. Weed breeds a complete lack of interest in lifting your arm for anything beyond passing the bong or the Cheetos. And hitting just ain't cool, man. Unless your hitting the bong or the Cheetos.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Steven Novak said...

Never heard of it...

Sounds like something girl would play. ;)

8:18 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Tai, no dogs were harmed in the making of this post. I swear.

Alkelda, deep down, all pacifists really just want to whale the crap out of someone. It's one of life's Great Truths that I just made up.

Tysgirl, the real contribution this post may make to greater society is probably going to be more sex as a result of perdiddle/perdunk. Which is a sad commentary on society. And me. And all of you.

Nick, the important thing is you acknowledged your plagiarism. My guess is that the sentence came from a bitter Red Sox fan. Although really, is there any other kind?

Lady K, my dog would not put up with being whaled on for a second. Being laughed at she's OK with.

Phollower, the other problem with potheads playing "Punch Buggy" is that inevitably they all have Beetles and therefore could never get out of the parking lot to go get more weed.

Steve, don't even try to pretend you're not going to break this game out the next time you're on the road with Tami.

9:04 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

we've resorted to the newer style punch buggy cars, otherwise, the game would be pretty much extinct.

we're going on a 5 1/2 hour trip to maine this weekend with my friends 17 year old daughter and my 9 year old. rest assured we'll all come back with bruised arms.

11:36 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

oh ya, i was reading your comments and i noticied another sorta game.
perdiddle. a headlight out at night called for a good crack, never heard of perdunk, tho. i guess i'm in the dark. lol

11:37 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

ok, still reading more comments.
punch buggy blue no returns *punch* ---in our game, if you didn't say "no returns" you were subjected to SOMEONE ELSE in the car punching you BACK and getting their point in.
Later years, my ex's teenage son used to say "punch buggy blue no returns PARKING LOT" NOT quite sure what "parking lot" meant, really.

11:40 AM  
Blogger CP said...

We play PunchPaula during American Idol. Everytime she slurs her words, the hotband and I deck each other.

It's sweet, don't you think?


8:11 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Let's try this again.

CP, I would think that would involve throwing more punches than the average Tyson fight.

Shelli, what kind of cars are you using. I tired substituting Hummers with my wife, but she saw through that.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

...deep down, all pacifists really just want to whale the crap out of someone

How did you know? Starting in first grade, about every three or four years, I'd haul off and slug someone at school. Fortunately, I'd stopped the practice by the time I got to college, but still... all that pent up rage was a lot to carry. The people I slugged were repeat offenders, if that exonerates me at all. I'm thinking that maybe it doesn't.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Maggie said...

Where's the pic of your tattoo?!

11:46 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

LMFAO @cp, that was hilarious. if it weren't for child abuse, my daughter and i would play that game too during AI.

Umm, what i meant was, not just the old VW's the new ones too.

12:39 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Geez, can't people on the east coast get anything right? The game is called "Slug Bug", new ones are worth only 1 point, while vintage ones garner 2, it's NOT okay to slug your 4-year-old brother as hard as you slug each other, AND, if it's in a parking lot where you're parked when you enter a store and it's STILL parked in the same spot when you're leaving, you CANNOT get it twice. Any questions?

1:17 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Alkelda, in this court, you're exonerated.

Shelli, see, I just can't get behind the new ones. They irk me. (No way was I saying they "bug" me). But no shit on CP's game.

Maggie, I know, I need to get one up. I'm just really laz

Eclectic, I'm going to call it Punch Buggy, and you're going to like it! I'm with you on reduced points for new ones. I never played with a 4 year old, but that rule makes sense. And you are dead-on with the parking lot rule. That's a classic transgression. Once a person has used a car for a Punch Buggy, that car cannot be used again until it's moved!

1:28 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

People here in Hell play "Punch Buggy" using new Beetles too.

But then....it IS Alabama...

7:41 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

And they use pellet guns in Alabama

7:55 AM  
Blogger Rainwolf said...

Pellet guns are a blessing if Annie is using them. A shotgun would be too scary

7:35 PM  
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