Friday, February 09, 2007

Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night

But for Christ's sake, go!

Hey, did you hear that Anna Nicole Smith died? Didja? Didja hear that? Didja know she was dead? Didja huh? Huh? Didja huh, huh, huh?

Yes, for those of you who spent the last few days in an isolation chamber, (don't knock it; it's the only place in my house where I can read the news paper in peace), Anna Nicole Smith shed her mortal coil and left this earth sometime yesterday. I could not possibly care any less. But CNN felt differently. They had it as a "breaking story" yesterday. The local news covered it for more time than they spent on a little thing called "Iraq".

Apparently there's a war there. Who knew? Not Anna.

I have to admit, while I didn't spend a great deal of time obsessing over Anna, (as opposed to my fanatical devotion to Jessica Biel), (oh, and my wife too), I knew who she was. She was impossible to get away from. Kind of like fungus. You would think she was gone, but then you'd pull up the carpet in the bathroom and notice a stain spreading where the water had leaked from an improperly sealed tub. That was kind of the equivalent to Anna. You'd read about her screwing an 89-year-old oil millionaire, and you'd think, "well, that's pretty much rock bottom, hope she at least earns the money."

Quick joke: Young golddigger marries an 85 year old millionaire. Figures she'll put in a couple of years at most, then retire in style. Their wedding night arrives and while getting ready for bed, she sees her new husband putting on a condom, putting in ear plugs and stuffing his nose with cotton. She says, understandably, "what the hell are you doing?" He says, "if there's two things I can't stand it's the smell of buring latex and the sound of screaming."

Somehow I doubt J. Marshall met that standard, but I like to hope so.

Then J.M died, which wasn't exactly a surprise. What was a surprise was that the will was contested all the way to the Supreme Court. So Anna didn't go away. She kept her face in the news until the case resolved. Yes, our countries jurisprudence now includes case-law based on a bimbo boffing a billionaire all the way to the bank.

Alliteration kids. Learn to love it.

Eventually Anna managed to get some large sum of money, but along the way she got involved in a reality TV show that I'll admit I watched a couple of times.

By the way, I watch NASCAR for the car wrecks. Draw your own conclusions.

Anyone who watched the show could learn for themselves what a stupid, self-absorbed dipshit she was. I found myself rooting for her to lose at the Supreme Court, guranteeing that she'd end up broke, penniless and in a trailer park somewhere. Possibly next door to Britney Spears. But she didn't. She got her money, she had a kid with one or more men, (which is a neat trick when there's only the one kid), and now she's dead. Is it too bad for her family? Yeah, assuming any of them are around. You'd never hear about them. Is it too bad for anyone else? Well, last time I checked, the sun came up this morning, in the east no less, my mortgage was due, the boiler probably needs to be fixed, and the kids need money for some school program called "lunch." Nothing's changed, media hysteria aside.

We're fighting a war that won't seem to end. Our deficit is at record levels. Joe Lieberman just suggested a new tax to pay for the war. Connecticut has a big problem with urban schools and the fact that they tend to, well, fall down. The earth seems to be heating up a bit. And the big concern is why and how Anna Nicole Smith died.

You know what? I don't care.


Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Thank you, you did not disappoint.

I was going to make my own post that this morning on the Today show had a very long drawn out story about the rich dead bimbo. Do you know what the story was that followed?

20 homeless people are dead due to the cold weather in the east.

20 dead people due to cold weather and Anna Nicole Smith gets more coverage. Amazing.

3:24 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

To borrow a line from the fine blog, YPS!!: Does this mean Elton John is soon to release "A Candle in the Wind, 2007"?

3:34 PM  
Blogger Steven Novak said...

Anna had sizeable tits.

This ends my thoughts on Anna. ;)


3:36 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

why won't you let anyone use your bomb shelter?
is this the place to ask?

7:43 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Would you believe me if I told you that they interrupted regular screening just to bring us the breaking news on Anna Nicole Smith? I am so glad that we have our priorities in order!


10:05 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Anna Nicole reminded me of Clair, to whom I have still not introduced you.

Your description of A.N.S. fits Clair perfectly, except ain't rich and never will be. She keeps killing the geese that lay golden eggs.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Blondie said...

I don't care either.
I snickered a little when I heard the news. Then realized myself and put on a sad face.

Thank God her son's already gone... he won't have to feel the pain of losing his mother.

Her baby will never know her. It's probably best.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

She actually never got the money she was going after. It's still tied up in the courts and probably will be for the forseeable future. You haven't been following along closely enough.

12:48 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

I agree, it was ridiculous how the news went on and on about it.

6:56 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

As the one who actually discovered her unconscious in that hotel room, it WAS a big event for me. I tried pushing on her chest to revive her, but after 2-hours I realized it was futile.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

You really should call her by her real name, "Former Playboy Bunny, Anna Nicole Smith," as all the "breaking news" anchormen like to start their stories. Until you do, I can hardly rely on you for Fair & Balanced 24 hour news.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Ms. A said...

My thoughts exactly...but you said it so well.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

Don't worry Limpy, you may have a bomb shelter, but I have a very large and accomodating rock that I live under. AND I'm willing to share.

8:21 PM  
Blogger etain_lavena said...

Whahahah...ja the wonder of so called stars, the world is burning out(like you mentioned)...and yes the war is not stopping anytime soon, more important people die each day, where is their breaking news. :)

3:58 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

Oh, yeah, Anna Nicole died. Thank deities for HBO and Showtime....I spent my weekend watching Prelude to a Kiss, Elizabeth I and the L-Word.

Good thing Freud is dead too. He'd have a heyday with my entertainment choices.

btw, Limpy, you said it best. :)

7:11 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

RSG, yeah, but she did have bigger boobs.

Eclectic, not if I have anything to say about it!

Steve, yes, but they weren't hers either.

Rhonda, a little off topic, but why not? I ripped the title off from a calendar from the satirical web-site "The Onion". I just liked the sound of it.

JDR, yes, yes I would believe it. And I would be very sad as a result.

Nick, I must meet this Clair person!

Blondie, I had the same thought about the daughter.

MCM, yeah, I noticed that afetrwards. Ordinarily I'd feel bad, but the fact that I haven't followed this closely enough to know that makes me feel happy.

Brighton, you're back! That pleases me no end.

Pug, you win the comment of the week award, and it's Monday. Don't bother trying to top that one people.

Rat, my news is neither fair nor balanced. I follow the Fox news model and strive to present biased, uninformed and unbalanced, (in more ways than one!) news.

Ms. A, Welcome and thanks.

Tai, that has to be one hell of a rock to have missed out on Anna the last few days. Like a rock of Ayers Rock proportions. I know JDR will get that reference. Who else is up on obscure geography.

Etain, what's all this about a war?

Lil' Sis, Freuds dead?!?!?! My therapist so lied to me.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't even get me started on this one.

Quick story: The other night I was talking about the news with Mr. London and the fact that I seemed to be clueless on many of the "top stories"

I finally answered with: There's still a war going on and we're still losing it.

he liked that answer.

8:52 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

PG, why do you hate America so?

10:54 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

No kidding... and the day b4 was that damn astronaut-stalker-diaper-lady. LOL

3:09 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Hate seems like such a strong word. I prefer, annoyed with a great deal.

9:36 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Lil' Bit, yeah, but that story was great!

PG, I prefer exasperated myself. I like to show off my SAT words.

10:17 AM  

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