Monday, February 26, 2007

It Was Fun While It Lasted

So last night I'm flipping through channels, occasionally coming back to the "Gay Super Bowl", as I like to call the Oscars. At one point, Melissa Etheridge wins an Oscar for Best Song About The End of the Earth, or something like that. Turns out, Melissa likes the ladies about as much as I do. Who knew?

So she goes up to accept her award, turning first to kiss a buxom blonde (ON THE LIPS!), and then, as if that wasn't bad enough, thanks "my wife" during her acceptance speech. Although I was thousands of miles away, I immediately felt as though something was amiss in my life. A few minutes latter my wife came down from our bedroom with a packed suitcase and a confused look on her face. She said "I don't know why, but our marriage feels like less than it used to be, and I'm leaving" I replied, "I agree, there's no use fightint it, have a nice life. Which kid do you want?" Then we divided the furniture and split up.

Damn you gay people! See what your unholy unions have done to us heteros!? This is on you Etheridge!!

23 Comments:

Blogger Party Girl said...

Perhaps it says something about me and the level of gays in my life but, I must be the only person who watched the Gay Super Bowl and didn't think anything other than, "Oh, that was nice." when I saw the lip lock and the loving message she gave with her acceptance speech.

9:43 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Yes, the sanctity of marriage is dissolving right before out eyes.

Please tell me you were kidding about not knowing Melissa's gay??

Okay, you were.

9:52 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

PG, you thought that, I thought that, but millions of other people averted their eyes, said 'that's disgusting" and then lapsed into an uncomfortable silence while wondering about their own deep, dark thoughts.

RSG, I also blame you and HG. And yes, I knew Melissa Etheridge is a lesbian years ago. I do want credit for liking her music even before she came out.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Steven Novak said...

You're much gayer than she'll ever be...you were watching the Oscars. ;)

Steve~

10:01 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Touche'

10:04 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

To save you from finding out later from someone else, I must confess to you that I am gay. I hope this doesn't do further damage to your marraige, and in the event that it does, I hope you know a good lawyer.

10:17 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

LFMAO!

I have nothing to contribute...this post and the subsequent comments by all are just cracking me up.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Holy crap, Zoe! You're gay? That explains a lot.

11:12 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I'm glad this post has brought Zoe and Phollower closer together.

Lil Sis, your mere presence is enough, even if you are a pinko.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I thought it was brave and cool.

Wait...does that make ME gay?

11:51 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Steven makes a good point...what the hell is wrong with you?

Wait, you were watching hoping to catch a peek of Jessica Biel, weren't you?

12:21 PM  
Blogger Jingoistic said...

What a surreal world you live in...

12:51 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Lady K, yes, yes it does. Homo.

Tysgirl, I did see her gve some sort of presentation. I'm not sure what the award was for. Big surprise.

12:51 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Jingoistic, you should see what I DON'T post about. -shudder-

12:52 PM  
Blogger reasonably prudent poet said...

thanks for your well-wishes over on my blog. it helps to know that other, normal-type folks have gone before me and managed. anyway, if my friend waspy can do it on no sleep or food for three days, crazy with debilitating anxiety, then i'm sure i've got a shot.

by the way, sorry about your marriage. we gays won't stop until we've ruined all the fun for everybody!!!

1:49 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

(shakes fist) Damn you!!!

2:27 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Wasn't the hostess for the Oscars gay, too? - Lesbos are taking over! LOL

No, I take that back... it's the Bi's like me who rule. LMAO!

3:16 PM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

I'm new, I don't understand, are you really gay and is this blog about a marital breakup?

4:50 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Curse that Etheridge woman. My obsession with her has ruined my life. She should go back to her farm.

Oh wait.

I meant Pepperidge.

5:49 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

I'd feel somewhat obliged to run off with her too if she thanked me in her Oscars speech.

xxx

6:29 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

limpy
funny post.
It's good to know I can visit your blog for a good laugh.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Trop said...

You can always count on the Oscars to promote that GD gay agenda!

7:35 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Lil Bit, Ellen DeGeneres is gay? Wow, next I'll hear rumors that Jodi Foster is gay! Oh, wait, I've heard those rumors on 923 different blogs since the Oscars.

TK, Indeed you are new. No, I am not gay. I am a smartass. I am married, to a woman, and my marriage is as strong as it ever has been. Although my wife left me a note saying she'd taken my credit card this morning, so who knows how long that'll last. Hope that clears things up. By the way, you're winning the "best avatar" contest at the moment.

Pug, those Milano cookies have ruined almost as many marriages as Melissa Etheridge. Who I thik did ruin Lou Diamond Phillips marriage, but really, who cares?

JDR, remind me to thank you when I win an Oscar.

Rhonda, that's what we're here for. It sure ain't the money.

Trop, the gay agenda and Al Gore. Don't forget Al.

8:40 AM  

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