Monday, February 05, 2007

Warts 'N All

Apparently there's a new vaccine against HPV, which I understand has something to do with preventing genital warts. And also has the side benefit of preventing/reducing cervical cancer. Not having a cervix, I may have missed some of the details. Wanna talk about prostate medication? Didn't think so. Moving right along.

Several states, including, rather surprisingly, the blue state of Texas, are passing laws requiring that all girls in 6th grade or beyond get the vaccine. It's mandatory, like measles. Some parents are complaining, claiming that this infringes on thier rights as parents to decide, well, I guess to decide what preventable disease their kids can eventually die from. The theory is that the kids will figure out that since they don't have to worry about warts, they're going to violate their parents' teachings and start screwing the bejesus out of each other.

OK, here's news-flash shut-ins. Your kids are gonna fuck. Not well, but they're gonna. As soon as they can persuade a member of the opposite sex, (let's not even go same sex with these parents. Baby steps), that they're somewhat less than completely repulsive, (took me 19 years), they're gonna go at it like weasels in heat.

I'm good with the similes huh?

As I recall from my teenage years, warts wouldn't have bothered me one bit. In my dumbass little version of the world, I would just go buy some Compound W and take care of things. Hell, if hairy palms and potential blindness weren't keeping me from a little alone time, ("I'm just reading Sports Illustrarted Mom!! Leave me alone!!"), I seriously doubt that the potential of warts might keep me from actually playing as part of a team.

Here's what might have.

AIDS. Pregnancy. (Especially mine!!). Herpes. Girl's father is the Chief of Police. These are factors that will dissuade your teen from having sex. The fact that the girl has been vaccinated for HPV isn't the deal-breaker. So get your headout of your ass and get to the doctor's office.

And while you're there, grab a handful of condoms too. Cause it's gonna happen, and playing the ostrich isn't going to help.


Blogger Party Girl said...


Comments like, "my kid isn't having sex and isn't going to because she/he/it is a god fearing and god loving little ray of innocent sunshine..." simply chaps my ass...and not in the good fun way, either.

Like a vaccine would suddenly make the above innocent ray of sunshine suddenly go, "well, holy crap! I've got titties and balls, and hair in funny places! I've never noticed any of these things before!...why am I suddenly all tingly in my fun parts?!?!?!?
I. must. have. sex. right. now.

Must. insert. penis. in. dark. wet. hole.

Must. have. dark. wet. hole. be. penetrated.

Holy crapping Moses.

You know what stopped me from having sex?


You know what gave me the education to have sex and be careful and responsible about my sexuality?
My Mom.

She put enough fear in me that made me be smart enough to wait.
(Until I was 16.)
She also always had an open question policy.
That's called parenting.

End of rant.

Good post, though.

Party Girl

4:14 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

All I could do was sit here and nod, nod, nod, nod, nod... agree, agree, agree, agree, agree.

5:44 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

19 years, my ass!


2:36 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

PG, thanks for the compliment. Your rant is well taken and oddly arousing.

Blondie, well, you were able to type between all the nodding and agreeing.

JDR, yeah, well, where were you when I was 16. 17. 18.

8:17 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

You tell 'em Limpy!

I agree 100%. People are too squeamish to be honest with their kids and have an open dialog. How can anyone expect a kid to make the right choices when they don't have all the information?

Oh, and I'd also like to add that we will all be reminding you of this post when your kids get older!

8:38 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Biology people. It's simple biology.

No matter what "spiritual" or "religious" spin you wanna put on it, the cause of consensual sex -- at any age subsequent to puberty -- is biology.

And biology is similarly responsible for the attendant risks, one of which can now be ameliorated by a vaccine. Go. Get. One. Now.

9:31 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Yes, yes, I agree with you. I'm not sure what's up with Texas though, strange that a politician would care about the cervical health of young girls, that part does make me wonder.

10:50 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Tysgirl, my kids aren't going to get older. They'll stay 8 and 6 forever. I live in a candy-coated house. LA-LA-LA-LA

Eclectic, see if I had paid more attention in biology, I wouldn't be having this awkward "19" debate with JDR.

RSG, indeed. When I saw Texas was leading the charge I nearly fell over.

2:45 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

By the way, the new leader in the category of "Best Comment Ever" is Party Girl with the following:

"You know what stopped me from having sex?


2:46 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

We know what stopped Zoe from having sex....

"I'm an orc."

5:36 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have never understood why some American parents can get so upset about the possibility of that their kids may be sexual. Unless, of course, they feel some bloody Puritan guilt about their own sexuality.

Yeah, people are going to fuck and only idiots want to keep sexual knowledge and protection from them. Hey! A teacher friend of mine tells me that her 5th grade students are giving and receiving blow jobs.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

I think you're missing the whole point of the controversy.

The invasion of privacy.
The government has no business mandating a vaccine.
The right to privacy.

Also, throw Big Pharma in the mix and it's all about the money.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

DEAL. BE a RESPONSIBLE PARENT, and TALK TO YOUR KIDS about EVERYTHING. You'll be happy in the long run. I'm really glad MY parents talked to ME, grounded me, and made me THINK for myself, no matter HOW much I resented them at the time. Come ON. This is what our FUTURE is supposed to be. Let's make it worth it!

10:21 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

If it were mandated in my state, my big issue would be that we don't know the long-term effects of the vaccine. I want to protect my child from every conceivable thing, but I don't want her to be part of an experiment. I go through all of the vaccinations with my child, but I'd be far more reluctant if they still had mercury in the mix, for example.

11:31 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Best comment, ever?

Ah, thanks, honey. I'm all tingly in my fun parts!

7:34 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I dunno Maggie, I hear Orcs go at it like rabbits.

Nick, thanks. My son is two years away from 5th grade. I'm going to kill myself now.

Rhonda, avoid Texas. I understand your point about privacy. Probably a fair one, although one I disagree with.

Lady K, meet Rhonda. Rhonda, Lady K. (Closes door, runs away)

Alkelda, what's wrong with mercury? I like to sprinkle it on my cereal. Helps me tell the temperature. Seriously, another fair point. Kids shouldn't be experimented on by the government. That's what parents are for.

PG, look, you're already winning, there's no point in trying to beat yourself. Unless you're into that.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

disagree with privacy.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

(closes door, runs away)
that your way of saying bugger off I don't want you leaving comments?

1:36 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Rhonda, at the risk of turning this blog serious, I don't disagree with privacy. I do disagree with parents who try to use the privacy argument to cover up primitve religious beliefs at the cost of their children's health. I have two children. They come first. Period. If there is a vaccine that will prevent my daughter from having to worry about cervical cancer, she will get it. I would be failing in my duty as a parent if I didn't provide that to her. I frankly regard state government as a big pain in the ass, but in several instances I welcome their involvement. One of those instances is stepping in and making people take steps to protect their children's health.

I welcome any and all comments here. The "closes door and runs away" comment was just suggesting that I was trying to start a brawl between two commenters with opposing views, then running off. It was meant to be funny.

10:48 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

I admit, my daughter is 9, and i'm so far the "squemish" one someone mentioned. My friend has an 11 year old son and says "you can't shelter her forever" well I'm just not fucken ready for her to know where those parts go, dammit that's my baby!

Then she made a comment that was pretty clear and true, kids are getting knocked up at age 12-15 these days, it's almost that time she gets a little education i suppose start early. *sigh*

As far as the vaccine goes, like anything else, your kid can't go to school without a serious of shots (measles mumps, rubella, etc.) so what makes hpv any different? They really don't know what shots they are getting NOW so for christ sakes.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Ok I get it.
I'm all for health.
I ate an orange today.

If this vaccine is such a winner, doctors will have no problem selling it to patients.
There are significant concerns that the testing was flawed.
Cervical cancer is not a pandemic.
(Even though 1 death is too many)
HPV is so new they don't even know how long the immunity lasts!
It's expensive.
Rushing this drug to market and then sticking it to our daughters before all the facts are in and adequate testing is done is a dangerous gamble.
That's all I'm saying.
I just see other factors...
I guess I didn't see it as a
"will girls fuck or not" issue.
I do understand your point of view with people and their religious beliefs getting in the way of being rational and safe. As much as that's crazy it's still a slippery slope to say, I don't agree with your lifestyle therefore it's ok to invade it and do what we
(the gov't )thinks is right.

I don't want to "brawl" just wanted to give you my point of view.

From now on I'll keep it "light"

1:02 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Rhonda, I ate 2 apples. I win! If the testing is flawed, that's another story.

Shelli, good luck with the "talk". My son's 8. I'm already preparing outlines. Oog.

1:28 PM  

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