Gosh I Love Starbucks

Maggie bitched me out for taking so long between posts, so here's another one. Here's a tip folks, if I'm not posting it's because I can't think of anything that would meet the high quality you've come to expect here in the bomb shelter. Or, and this is far more likely, I'm just drunk. Also, our computer at home is having some problems. I believe that the technical term is "shitting the bed", and as a result, among other things, I cannot post from home, nor read comments. I also can't access my 401K, although I think this blog might actually be worth more. Consequently, we're in the market for a new computer. Suggestions?

As you know if you're a long time reader of this blog, a) you have low standards for entertainment, and b) I swim for exercise. Sometimes after swimming at night I go across the street to Starbucks for a hot chocolate. I like to go at night because if I went when they were busy, I'd probably just start swinging at people. They're all just so precious there, tapping away at laptops, sipping a drink loosely based on coffee, and debating which co-op gives the fairest prices to the producers of the Ecuadorean yarn that was used to make their sweaters.

I amuse myself by ordering the "large" hot chocolate. Sometimes they ask if I mean the "venti". I usually just glare at them for a hearbeat and then point at the biggest cup and say "I want one of those". Venti my ass. The cups come with quotes nowadays. Not historical quotes, or even very interesting quotes, just random sayings from the kind of pretentious fucks I usually try to avoid by going to Starbucks only late at night.

Last night's was from some guy named Kevin. Kevin started his quote off by saying "The day my son was born I simultaneously died and was reborn". I found myself wondering if his wife was surprised the first time she saw Kevin's vagina. I hate guys who feel compelled to show the world how sensitive they are by making grandiose pronouncements of how their life changed when they became fathers. Thanks Kev. Before I got that hot chocolate I hadn't been able to put my finger on quite how I felt when my son was born. Neither could all of my other friends who have become fathers. Nope, we had no idea. What an original and thought provoking quote you have there. I wish I was that sensitive and emotional.

If I ever put a quote like that on a mass-produced cup and then showed it to my son he would hit me in the nuts for embarrassing him. And when he did, I'd know I was raising him the right way.