Thursday, April 05, 2007

I Have Returned

Kansas City was a blast, if only for one very long day. Any day that invovles getting up at 4:30 am and flying for five hours, including a transfer at DC airport where the security is a wee bit tight. My advice if you have to go there is too not where a hooded sweat shirt. Somebody owes me dinner, that's all I'm saying.

The weather on Opening Day was 80 and sunny. Could not have been better baseball weather. Since we had about three hours before the game we went to a place called "Gates BBQ" for lunch. Here's a tip about Gates. My Missouri friend knew this and totally set us up. As soon as you walk in the door, one of the counter-people starts hollering "Hi, may I help you?" until you place your order. Seriously, they don't let up. If you don't know what you want, they'll go to the person behind you, then come back to you even louder. The problem at this restaurant was that I couldn't see the menu and had no idea what I wanted. Endless entertainement for everyone else in line, who took turns shouting out suggestions for us. I'm not even sure what I ate. I'm pretty sure it wasn't what I ordered. It was a mass of BBQ beef on a sandwich involving three pieces of white bread. I could just feel two arteries shutting down as I finished it. Good stuff, and perhaps even worth the two years I undoubtedly shaved off my life by eating it.

Then we went to the game. Got there in time to wander through all the tailgating, which is a new one for me. Not much of that going on outside of Fenway and Yankee Stadium, simply because neither of those fields has 300 acres of parking surrounding them. We seriously considered hiring a Sherpa to guide us to and from the car. We watched the Red Sox taking batting practice. Ortiz hit one out of the stadium. We started talking to some Royals fans who seemed surprised Red Sox fans would fly out to KC to see a game. We pointed out this was cheaper than going to Fenway on Opening Day, and I made it clear that I'm a Yankees fan.

Before the game started I ran out and bought a Royals hat. This got a big cheer and a call of "Look, the Yankee fan's weaing a Royals hat!!" To which I replied "Ich bin ein Royals fan" I think two people laughed. The rest of the game I just leaned back, drank margaritas, (really good for stadium margaritas), tried to digest lunch, (fairly unsuccessfully), and enjoyed wathcing Curt Schilling go tits up, (literally in his case), and pitch the Red Sox to a 7-1 loss. Couldn't have been better.

At the end of the game one guy next to us started yelling "The Royals win the pennant!! The Royals win the pennant!!"

Last night they lost. But for one day they were leading their division.

The rest of the night involves beer, grilled catfish, and an unsuccesful effort to find the strip club advertsing something called "full-contact naked bed dance" Which was just as well, since I'm pretty sure that would have cost more than the $8 I had left at that point.


Blogger Party Girl said...

What a fabulous time. Man, I do love going to baseball games.

The "full contact bed dance" sounds like it would have produced chaffing...and possibly require an injection of antibiotics in 2-3 days. So I'm thinking it was good y'all couldn't find it.
Just sayin'.

9:27 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I'm thinking it would have led to divorce after I had to explain the crabs to the missus.

9:42 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Welcome back Limpy we missed you! By "we" I mean Tysgirl and myself....sure go ahead, get a big ole ego. Yes, we discussed missing you around the blog-o-sphere in one of our chats.

It sounds like you had a great time! I had to ask the Hubs if Curt Schilling was fat due to your "tits up" reference. I'm assuming he has man boobs? Ew.

Anyway, glad you're back and I just hope you would have showered after the "full contact naked bed dance" and I don't mean a cold shower. I mean a hot, scalding, burn your dirty skin off kind of shower. The whole "bed" part of it sounds nasty. Other guys' dead skin in the "bed" not to mention whatever else.


10:20 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Oh we have those full contact bed dance places on every corner here in Portland. But we don't have major league baseball, you choose.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

That sounds like a BLAST of a time. The BBQ story is really funny. They should have more restaurants like that.

The full contact bed dance sounds kind of scary to me.

Welcome back! You were missed.

11:34 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Thanks Soozie, you have indeed enhanced my ego. Like that was needed. Schilling is fat, but likes to blame it on Photoshop, as though the sports reporters have nothing better to do with their time. I hate him. I'm so glad he got clobbered Monday.

As for the dead skin on the bed, if all I picked up at a full contact naked bed dance was some other guys dead skin, I would count my blessings.

RSG, all in all I'd rather have baseball. Does that make me gay? Here's the thing, I interpret "full-contact naked bed dance" as I'm fucking something. Which will entail paying a lot more money than usual at the nudie bar, and also get me divorced. So I'll stick with baseball and $20 lap dances.

Man, can you imagine how much $$$ a ball park would get from guys if they offered full-contact naked bed dances DURING games???

Lady K, there are at least 4-5 Gates restaurants in the KC area. There's one in the stadium too, but they don't yell as much, and since you can see the menu from 50' away, it's not as much fun. Honestly, after two minutes of being yelled at I'dve ordered anything just for them to leave me alone.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Hmmm, back in the 80's we used to do the Safety Dance but it wasn't full contact. And I have a feeling the bed dance and safety have very little in common.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Sounds like a fantastic time!

I told my husband about it and he was jealous 'cuz he never gets to do stuff like that. Just the occasional Braves game...

Guess it's a guy thing?

2:39 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Welcome back!

I'm thinking a full contact bed dance sounds like a sport best played at home.

2:57 PM  
Blogger Groovy Lady said...

We have BBQ joints like that. Hell some of them throw the bread to you at your table, lol.

Full-contact naked bed dance huh? I am assuming that is like a lying down version of a lap dance, I dunno. Unless you're toting a full body condom around in your back pocket or lusting over uncontrollable visions of Curt Schilling's tits dancing in your head, it's probably good you skipped that one.

Eww! I think I just made myself throw up a bit in my mouth.

3:42 PM  
Blogger webpirate said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

^ Oops sorry I was posting under WP's account!! :\

As I said : I would murder my husband if I found out he was going for a "full contact bed dance"

3:59 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I could stand a full contact bed dance and a ballgame. Or, at least getting to third base would be nice.

Oh, and the pineapple juice thing will work for you...FYI.

7:09 PM  
Blogger cathy said...

Why don't they call it the horizontal bop, have these people got no imagination?
Oh sorry, of course they haven't otherwise they wouldn't be in the business of denigrating human dignity to make a buck!

10:34 PM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Actually they make a lot of bucks, they just make them one at a time. And they pick them up with their tits.

5:45 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Phollower, great, now I have that stupid song stuck in my head. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

BP, I do believe that road trips for baseball are probably a guy thing. Send your husband on one for his next birthday.

Tysgirl, yes indeed. Preferrably with Cool Whip.

Groovy Lady. "Visions of Curt Schilling's tits" huh? I'm blaming you for my next lost erection.

Pixie, his secret's safe with me. Oops.

Maggie, yeah, I know.

Cathy, I've always thought it was the customers who were getting denigrated. The girls are making $600 a night. Well, in the better bars anyway. The ones at the new one in the next town over are probably making $3.50.

Phollower, you should see how they pick up a stack of quarters!

8:24 AM  
Blogger little sister said...

Sounds like a dang good time. The minor league Indianapolis Indians had to cancel their games tonight because we got a sudden cold blast. Not sure why that matters...I figure that's why God created ugly quilts and Jagermeister.

Hope the BBQ Nazi shop didn't shave too much time off your life...I'd really miss your blog entries ;)

9:41 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Gee, all I got to do was lay on a beach in the sun in Florida for a week while I was gone. Oh, and the closest I got to crabs was the seafood restaurant we went to. There was that trip to the Magic Kingdom too, and the shopping spree that my MIL insisted on buying... but, your trip sounds nice too. ;)

2:16 PM  
Blogger cathy said...

both sides.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

LOL!! - and just think - Marilyn paid me ZILCH for his bed-dance. LOL!!!

Glad to hear ya had a fun time!
(Guess you're paying for it now, eh?) *boo boo lip* lol

12:39 PM  

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