Friday, April 20, 2007

Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On

My son will be 9 soon. My wife has been bugging me to talk to him about S-E-X. I've replied that he should probably talk to someone who knows something about the topic. I've been putting it off for several reasons. First, he seems far more interested in Weird Al parody songs than girls, and if there's one thing I know from my younger days, knowing the lyrics to Weird Al songs pretty much gurantees a life of celibacy. Second, one I spill the beans he's not going to beleive us any more when we tell him and his sister that we need to take a nap in the afternoon. And third, I have no earthly idea how to explain sex and women to a 9 year old. I see no reason why he can't learn about it on the street corner like I did.

But we're going to have to have the talk. Soon.

I came home last night. He'd had a friend over for a play date. At some point during a break from a squirt gun war, his friend told him words to the effect "Dude, your Mom is hot!" I told him that we don't let our friends talk about our Moms like that.

Even if they're right.


Blogger eclectic said...

Oh, "the Talk". Fun for you!

As for saying his mom is hot, I think it's kinda cute unless accompanied by a creepy grin, or uttered by a 13 year-old or older. I think the littler guys -- who are still not really into girls -- don't really understand "hot" to mean what adults take it to mean. I think they just think it's synonymous with "cool" or something. Of course, if I'm wrong, I'm going to have to have a different "Talk" with the parents of one of my son's friends soon. ;)

10:32 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

reason #4258 why I don't have children. Not envying you at all right now.

However, working with children as much as I do- I believe honesty is the best policy. I've worked with kids who have been given the straight up facts and kids that have only been given what their parents are comfortable with. The kids with the truth always come out better in the end. Now would be a great time for you to start an honest dialog with your 9 yr old- it will come in very handy in a few years, I promise!

Yikes, that was kinda grown up sounding- wasn't it?

10:54 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Who are you and what have you done with Tysgirl?

Eclectic, the other kid was 9 as well. If he was 13 I might have had to kick his ass.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Perhaps you should know this:

My mom had "the talk" with me at nine.
Apparently I was asking questions.
However, I had no idea what she was talking about.
My brother was born shortly thereafter, so apparently she wasn't paying attention either.

However, I did have a fondness for Jackie Collins books and I read all of them at a very young age. Smut, smut, smutty, smut, smut. I LOVED them.

So. If you want your son or daughter to end up like me, then go right ahead. Have the talk with your son at nine.

That's all I'm sayin'.

11:49 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Gee, do I want my daughter to grow up to be intelligent and self-confident? Hmmm.

Plus, you like all the cool bands I do.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I tried talking to my eight year old and she replied, "Mom, I've seen what boys do to their bodies. I'm not letting one touch mine. Besides, those weiners are gross!"

I was pretty much done at that time.

12:59 PM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Just do NOT let your kids first exposure to sex be their friend's Dad's highly extensive collection of pornography.

I didn't find out until I was 10 years old that sex doesn't always involve "golden showers".

If your son's friend is anything like my friend (whose Dad has all those very hardcore porno mags) then you might still need to kick his ass regardless of his age ;-)

1:18 PM  
Blogger cathy said...

Kids tend to ask questions when they are ready but I had the horrible and unenviable experience of my daughter telling ME all about sex when she was 7. How did she know? A six year old boy had told her.My advice lock them in a tower until they are!

3:27 PM  
Blogger cathy said...

peep oOOO!

3:41 PM  
Blogger Syd said...

LMAO at suzieq.

I'm too big a pussy to have that talk. I will SHIT if TLF decides to ask me instead of his mother.

7:49 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Can't you just use the excuse that you are waiting until he starts asking?


3:58 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Just go buy him a slew of books and tell him to let you know if he has any questions. Pass the buck. That's what I say...

10:58 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Wow! Parents are having to talk to their 9 year olds about sex?!?!?

I'm glad I'm old with grown children and don't have to worry about shit like that anymore. ;-)

8:06 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Tysgirl? she was abducted by aliens.

Oh and hey, you've been tagged. Groovy lady dragged me to the depths of Meme hell this weekend and now I'm tagging your ass.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Yeah. You better have that talk soon. For your on protection if nothing more. Remember Oedipus.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I don't envy you at all. God, I remember when I got "the talk." It needs to come soon, though, buddy.

6:58 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Maggie, well done, I'd say.

Soozieq, whaddya mean it doesn't always involve golden showers? That's the whole second chapter of my presentation!

Cathy, you wouldn't happen to have a tower, would you?

Syd, send him to me. I'll take care of it. -snicker-

JDR, he's starting to ask the sorts of questions that need to be answered. So no, I can't use that excuse anymore.

RSG, I wonder if Lemony Snicket wrote any books about the Baudelaires getting laid? That would do the trick nicely.

BP, yes, they start at 9 these days. Or 7 in Cathy's case.

Tysgirl, I'll check it out. May be good since I'm not feeling all that creative.

Nick, are you saying that Oedipus wouldn't have hooked up with Mom if only Zeus had sat him down and talked about the birds and the bees and why none of them go near their Mommies?

Lady K, oddly enough "coming soon" is Chapter 5 in the presentation.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Ah, shucks.

I'm all blushy and tingly.

Thanks, honey

9:21 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Good, now go get your Greek on.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

LOL, I feel for you...;)
Get one of them books from the library.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Groovy Lady said...

I had my last child when my boys were around your sons age. They asked TONS of questions about it all during that time. I only answered the questions they asked.. which worked out good for us. It left the door open for them to feel comfortable with asking more.. and boy did they...

"Mom do you put dad's penis in your mouth and does he put his mouth on you?"

Good luck my friend! :D

11:43 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Pixie, the library has books on ducking your kids questions?

Groovy Lady, well, do you?

9:27 AM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Not ready to think about this yet!!!

I'll be fine when the time comes. But it just pisses me off how early the talk comes. My almost-four-year-old daughter received a booklet of stickers, and one of the stickers said, "Sexy." Bah.

2:37 PM  

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