Vacancy
If you haven't noticed, and judging from the decline in comments lately, you haven't, I haven't been posting as much lately. It seems like this is a common theme among all of the blogs I visit/annoy. In my case, the reason is that I have been prepping a trial that is supposed to start evidence next week. We picked the jury and started arguing motions today. I say started because the other attorney dropped 4-5 of them on me this morning, so if we go forward my weekend will largely be spent in this office drafting intelligent replies to what at first, (and second, third, fourth amd fifth), glance to be little more than the delusional ramblings of a forlorn idiot. You can imagine the joy that fills my soul at that prospect.
The worst thing about this case is that it involves a very bad injury to a small child, and my defense is that rather than my clients being at fault through negligence, the cause of the injury is child abuse. And I'm right. 100%. If this case goes forward I could, (and given the facts, just might), show up drunk and still win. I mean, I have a guilty plea, conviction and 18 month jail sentence from the son-of-a-bitch that did it. If I were to lose this case I would qit practicing law. The fact that my learned opponent, (the phrase "learned opponent" is a legal term meaning "this idiot douchebag to my left"), actually filed this suit is almost enough to make me quit in disgust.
Fortunately, after getting chewed out by the judge this morning, losing all of his arguments that mattered, and discovering that I will subpoena a 10 year old if I have to, my learned opponent, (see above), now appears to be ready to withdraw the case rather than put the kid through another traumatic experience. I hope he does, because this isn't a case I want to deal with any more than absolutely necessary. But I swear by all that's holy if they do go forward, I'm going to ass-fuck that son-of-a-bitch until he cries 'uncle' to the jury.
Have a good weekend.
Editor's Note
My Learned Opponent called me at home last night to tell me that they have decided to withdraw the case. The kid doesn't have to testify, and I don't have to worry about what happens to the kid when they lost the trial. I will now go outside and play in the sun.
-Singing-The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music
The worst thing about this case is that it involves a very bad injury to a small child, and my defense is that rather than my clients being at fault through negligence, the cause of the injury is child abuse. And I'm right. 100%. If this case goes forward I could, (and given the facts, just might), show up drunk and still win. I mean, I have a guilty plea, conviction and 18 month jail sentence from the son-of-a-bitch that did it. If I were to lose this case I would qit practicing law. The fact that my learned opponent, (the phrase "learned opponent" is a legal term meaning "this idiot douchebag to my left"), actually filed this suit is almost enough to make me quit in disgust.
Fortunately, after getting chewed out by the judge this morning, losing all of his arguments that mattered, and discovering that I will subpoena a 10 year old if I have to, my learned opponent, (see above), now appears to be ready to withdraw the case rather than put the kid through another traumatic experience. I hope he does, because this isn't a case I want to deal with any more than absolutely necessary. But I swear by all that's holy if they do go forward, I'm going to ass-fuck that son-of-a-bitch until he cries 'uncle' to the jury.
Have a good weekend.
Editor's Note
My Learned Opponent called me at home last night to tell me that they have decided to withdraw the case. The kid doesn't have to testify, and I don't have to worry about what happens to the kid when they lost the trial. I will now go outside and play in the sun.
-Singing-The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music
posted by limpy99 at 1:04 PM
16 Comments:
Oh man, not envying you at all right now. Does your community have CASA- Court Appointed Special Advocate? They advocate for abused and neglected children- basically an unpaid Guardian Ad Litem. I volunteered as a CASA for years and I know first hand how hard these cases are!
Good Luck Limpy!
Good luck, limpy. I'm sure you'll survive it, but I hope you survive it with your humor intact. That's gonna be the difficult part.
LOL @ your definition of "learned opponent."
I'll drink a mini-tini to your prevailing.....
Isn't there a pretty way of saying "ass-fuck that son-of-a-bitch until he cries 'uncle'"
How about- Penis probe that puppy until he calls for his cousin's paternal parent.
Kick him an extra few times even after he cried uncle, claiming you didn't hear him.
Is "forlorn idiot" a reference to the 2004 Red Sucks?
Limpy
I was expecting to drop by with my morning coffee and get my daily laugh...
The only thing I can muster through my fumes;
You Get him!!!!!
You're a good man, Mr. Limpy.
And so you should... the ass-fucking, that is.
I could never be a defence lawyer. I hate people enough as it is, without defending them for crimes that you know they have committed. Assholes!
Try and have a good weekend.
xxx
Tysgirl, the case waqs referred to DCF awhile back.
Lil Sis, we did prevail, as they called me last night to withdraw. All is well.
happy to hear, all is well.
I'm SO glad to hear that your "learned opponent" withdrew the case. From the sound of it, it was ridiculous to begin with. That poor kid! Is CPS going to take over at this point? If not, they should, sounds like the little guy is in some pretty fucked up danger.
Have fun in the sun!
Learned Opponents are everywhere. Glad he pulled his head out of his ass in time to salvage your weekend. I'm having a margarita in your honor. (Of course, I was having it anyway, but y'know, it's the thought that counts, right?)
So glad to hear that jackhole dropped the case!
Child abuse is the one thing that I hate dealing with forensically. I love forensics, but I tell ya what, I'm bawling up a storm every time it's a child.
I'm glad that your Learned Opponent proved to be less of a idiot douchebag than he could have been.
Enjoy the weekend,Limpy!
Yay, enjoy your sunshine Limpy!
I'm confused, I thought you sang jingle bells ;-)
That's a great post.
I used to want to be a lawyer, or some kind of law person.
Hope you liked the sunshine!
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