If You Go Out In The Woods Today
C'mon everybody, sing along with "The Teddy Bears Picnic" whilst I tell you what I did this weekend.
Well, Saturday I just mowed the lawn, changed the oil in my car and watched the kids while the wife was out. Watching the kids entailed building a rocket and seeing what happens when you mix vinegar and baking soda. Waht happens is that you shake it once, start to turn it over, and then watch as the launcher shoots across the yard. We bought more vinegar today and will try to actually launch it later.
But Sunday we went on a big hike. Big by my son's standards. We were with my father and brother, and when we were discussing whether we should climb the mountain by the six-mile route or drive most of the way up and take the mile trail, my son piped up and said he could go the longer, (and more interesting), route. So I told him if he completed it I'd give him $10. He did, staying hydrated to such an extent that I think on the way down the mountain he stopped to pee four times. I was proud of him.On the way up the mountain we reached a trail junction where we intended to go off to the the right and around the mountain before picking up the Appalachian Trail and swinging up and over the summit. But at the junction we met two women with dogs who reported seeing a bear a half mile up the other trail. So my son and I headed off in that direction to see if we could spot us a bear. The chances were remote, as the women had dogs who had gone after the bear, with the bear apparently in a good enough mood that he, (or she), just ambled off rather than taking the dogs out with a couple of claw swipes.
We never did see the bear, but on the way up the trail, my son asked what we'd do if we saw one. I said we'd stop moving and just watch it if it was far away, and that we'd back away if it was close. He then asks,
"If it comes after us, how fast can you run?"
I responded "Faster than you, and that's all that matters."
Well, Saturday I just mowed the lawn, changed the oil in my car and watched the kids while the wife was out. Watching the kids entailed building a rocket and seeing what happens when you mix vinegar and baking soda. Waht happens is that you shake it once, start to turn it over, and then watch as the launcher shoots across the yard. We bought more vinegar today and will try to actually launch it later.
But Sunday we went on a big hike. Big by my son's standards. We were with my father and brother, and when we were discussing whether we should climb the mountain by the six-mile route or drive most of the way up and take the mile trail, my son piped up and said he could go the longer, (and more interesting), route. So I told him if he completed it I'd give him $10. He did, staying hydrated to such an extent that I think on the way down the mountain he stopped to pee four times. I was proud of him.On the way up the mountain we reached a trail junction where we intended to go off to the the right and around the mountain before picking up the Appalachian Trail and swinging up and over the summit. But at the junction we met two women with dogs who reported seeing a bear a half mile up the other trail. So my son and I headed off in that direction to see if we could spot us a bear. The chances were remote, as the women had dogs who had gone after the bear, with the bear apparently in a good enough mood that he, (or she), just ambled off rather than taking the dogs out with a couple of claw swipes.
We never did see the bear, but on the way up the trail, my son asked what we'd do if we saw one. I said we'd stop moving and just watch it if it was far away, and that we'd back away if it was close. He then asks,
"If it comes after us, how fast can you run?"
I responded "Faster than you, and that's all that matters."
posted by limpy99 at 11:16 AM
20 Comments:
"Parenting Through Psychosis"
Well-adjusted kids are boring Maggie.
An important life lesson for all hikers I think. Life's rough.
We had a neighbor (notice the past tense) who raised papillions and called them "bear dogs", insisting that they were bred for helping bear hunters. When asked why, he cheerfully responded, "Take 'em with you bear hunting. Toss 'em over your shoulder if the bear comes after you, and then run like hell." Of course, those are dogs not children... but your way is nice, too. ;)
Papillions are bear 'appetizers'.
....and this post reveals...yet again....why you are "Father of the Year".
Do you want me to engrave your first, middle and last name on the "Father of the Year" plaque that I'm making for you?
Maybe he can save his $10 dollars and use that money for the therapy he'll no doubt need later in life.
We saw a Coyote this weekend, but no bears.
That is dangerously close to a "Hey y'all, watch this" moment.
LOL there's nothing like leaving a complex to tell that therapist about when they're adults :)
Now that’s an old joke you pulled on your son. Actually, in all days hiking I have never set out to find a bear.
When my youngest son worked at Big Bend National Park in Texas, he did encounter a mountain lion. When he told the story to us, he said he did exactly what the rangers told him to so in such case:
“I stood still facing the cat and waved my arms and yelled to scare it away. It didn’t moved, so I picked up some stones and threw them at it. The third or forth stone hit the cat on its nose and it turned and ran off.”
His mother then asked, “What did you do then?”
My son replied, “I cleaned the shit out of my pants.”
So much for hiking in the wild.
That's right!
"I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you!"
Are you TRYING to get poison ivy?
LOL Sounds like a GREAT time.
funny
You're the most bestest dad ever!
With a little luck we'll spot one next week on the AT as well.
If I never post again, I saw one. Or at least he saw me.
Zoe, well, there's that lesson and the one about always wearing sunscreen.
Eclectic, I really don't see a bear even slowing down to eat the papillion. It'd probably just swalow it whole and keep running.
Maggie, Papillions: The Bob-Bons of the Ursine World.
BP, indeed, I have to be Top 5 by now.
Soozie, yes, yes I do.
Tysgirl, we see coyotes weekly here.
Syd, it's right up there isn't it?
DW, well, if you're not likely to leave an inheritance, you might as well leave a complex!
Nick, I saw the samw rules posted in Yosemite. My alternative plan was just to whack my hiking partner with a stick and run off.
Rat, that's why I hike with slower people. Glad you're back.
LK, I don't have to try. It finds me.
Rhonda, yet scarily true.
PG, I want "most bestest" on my trophy now.
Phollower, I doubt you'll see any wildlife anywhere on the trail. Our bear was on a side trail. The AT right now is like a highway with all the thru-hikers coming through. Apparently it's the high season.
That will probably only mean about two more hours of therapy for your kid, good job!
RSG, we get out with two hours and we're way ahead of the game!
LOL!!!
I'm reading along thinking, "what a good lil daddy you are out playing w/the kids & all"... then I got to the last line.
Nice clincher. LOL!
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