Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Jessica Biel Thinks I'm Sexy

Yowza! So I'm watching ESPN the other day to find out if the Yankees won or not. I live in an area of CT where I can't get YES, but where the ESPN Yankee games are still usually blacked out, and the MLB package on cable didn't include Yankee games. Which sucks. So I watch a lot of Sportscenter and Baseball Tonight to keep up. And because it cuts down on my porn intake.

One of the problems with Sportscenter is that they frequently get involved with stuff that has little to do with what's going on in sports, and more to do with entertainment, which I could not care less about. Although in today's paper I did read that Lindsay Lohan got arrested for possession and DWI within days of being released from rehab, and Britny Spears is pregnant again and has the father narrowed down to two guys. I want to party with them.

At any rate, Sportscenter is now in the midst of this stupid segment called "Who's Now" The "purpose" of this segment, other than to give Stuart Scott something to do besides try to find matching contact lenses, is to determine who the most "now" athlete is. In other words, who has the most buzz, the most current fame, the biggest entourage, and a whole bunch of other crap. Usually I play along by engaging in my own game called "Where's The Remote?", but last week Jessica Biel was on. So I watched. During an incredibly pointless conversation about whether or not Tiger Woods was more now than some other bozo, Jessica announces that Tiger is sexy, because he's a father and "that's always sexy"

Hey, screw Tiger Jessica, he's only got one kid, (and like 18 golf titles and about $400 million dollars and his own island), I've got two, (and I don't golf, have about $40 and some kick-ass lilac bushes)!! I'm way hotter!

Just to reiterate: "Who's Now" is really fucking lame, whoever thought of it should be shot, and Jessica Biel made a statement that I am going to interpret as she thinks I'm sexy. Also Lindsay Lohan is 10-1 to be dead by this time next year.


Blogger Nonny said...

I've gone on record as saying I think you're sexier than Tiger. I think Lilac bushes are a natural aphrodisiac or something.

Why does stupid celebrity bullshit have to infiltrate every aspect of our lives? Seriously, I'm sick of it, and now even sports programs are trying to cash in.

I didn't hear the Britney story yet, Lohan is a total loser.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

10-1? No, I'm not taking that action. I'd feel bad taking your money. Sonny Vegas has the odds at 2 to 3.

I flipped around & saw Jessica with I forget who discussing A-Rod & I forget who. Maybe it was the same show. As hot as she was, after 30 seconds, the stupidity of the discussion made me change the channel. Maybe I should have used the mute button.

Maybe I knew she was the prejudicial type and turned away since I have no kids. Bitch.

10:21 AM  
Blogger sylvia said...

Is that who that girl was? I asked Phollower and he had no idea. Her comment was dumbest I had seen thus far - and from how dumb the comments usually are, that is not something to be proud of. I asked how she got on there. I have such better things to say and they never ask me. Phollower said it was because she was hot - but I've seen way hotter. I wouldn't even let her in the bedroom, let alone in the bed. I think he is lobbying for letting her in.

I agree. I hate the "Who's Now" segment. And I reiterate - provide some coverage of hockey if you run out of sports to cover. It won't hurt - at least not more than watching "Who's Now"!

10:29 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

See! Should've stuck with the porn!
At least you expect the plot to be thin!

11:00 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Nonny, I'm twice as sexy as Tiger. I have two kids. The Britny story is a rumor, but since it made the newspaper, and since I don't really care anyway, I present it here as fact. And I am not one of the candidates for the father.

Rat, I was pretty sure that 10-1 was too high, but I just threw it in there. 2-3 wouldn't surprise me. There's a flaming car wreck in her future. I just hope it's a one car accident.

Sylvia, well, I disagree on Biel, I think she's smoking hot and I would let her go pretty mch anywhere she wanted. But I wholeheartedly agree that "Who's Now" is the dumbest fucking thing ever, and that ESPN should carry more hockey. And that the Whalers shoudl return to Hartford, even though you didn't bring that up.

Tysgirl, I hate plot with my porn. I'm not there to think!

11:21 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

She thinks you're sexy? Yeah? So what! Tell her to take a number and get in line, and I was here first. BUT: it's not your kids I want... it's the scotch.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

I all have to say is thank god someone used "I could NOT care less" correctly. Most people say "I could care less", which in the context they are using it doesn't make any fucking sense. It drives me insane.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

You ARE sexier than Tiger. Lilac bushes make me sneeze, but they sure are pretty.

I KNOW Lohan is headed for hell. Soon.

12:54 PM  
Blogger little sister said...

If I ever had to choose (likely I won't), I'd so take you over Tiger any day. Mr. Wonderful is such a fan of Tiger that it would feel like incest with him anyway.

and zoe makes an excellent point on caring less!

1:54 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Well of COURSE you're sexier than Tiger!

Jeez! We all knew that.

Britney gives losers a bad for Lohan?

Who knows?

4:18 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

So Sports Center is looking for the Nowest sport dudes and dudettes? I know there was a reason I avoid the TV 95% of the time.

By the way, the local radio celebrity gossip monger announced a few minutes ago that Lindsay Lohan is facing up to 5 years in the slammer for her latest escapade. And I asked me self, “Self, do we really give a damn?”

7:31 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Eclectic, you come to CT, I break out the good scotch. And the sun screen.

Zoe, Power sister! I hate stuff like that. My pet peeve is when people say someone "drowned to death" If you drown, you're dead. It's repetitive.

LK, if Lohan's headed to hell, a bunch of us will be seeing her eventually!

LS, um, thanks, I guess. Any time I can beat incest, I'll take it.

BP, I'd actually put Lohan ahead of Spears in the loser category. I'm sure she's ecstatic about that.

Nick, and I sincerely hope your self said "no"

7:47 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

Tiger, eh?

Well, you know what they say. "Once you go..."

Uh, nevermind.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Lindsay and Jessica in the same post? Now THAT'S what I call entertainment. At least for about 45 seconds.


Hey, I'm not as young as I used to be.

And the Whalers should absolutely go back to Hartford.

6:27 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Oh, and I'd let Lindsay or Jessica play "Where's The Remote?" with me anytime.

6:28 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Maggie, oh come on, finish your thought!

Phollower, as "Brass Bonanza starts playing in my head. I wonder if Lohan likes hockey?

8:52 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Well, duh. Of course you're sexy.

On the LL front, I'll raise your bet and see you $20. Them odds is a wiener in any book.

Brit-Brit is preggers again? On second thought, forget the bet cause we's all goin' to hell and there ain't gonna be no handbasket involved in the trip. Cause if that's true, we're all doomed. The world will be ending.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

My ten year old and I always comment on how stupid that Who's Now segment is, whenever they're promoting it.

I also turn the channel when it comes on. Stupid, stupid ESPN. Someone needs to get fired for that.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Did someone say Scotch? :)

7:21 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

Jessica Biel is ricockulously hot. I'd fawk 'er. Except the only vagina I like to touch is my own.


7:56 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Yeah...lilac bushes are sexy.

I agree that Lohan is going to live fast, hard and leave us her corpse. Sadly...her dropping dead is going to be the most talented thing she has ever done.

6:00 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

PG, I'll take you thinking I'm sexy over Jessica Biel thinking it any day of the week.

Monk, last night I was waiting for the Yankee highlights so I didn't want to change the channel. But I did have to mute it.

MD, I didn't say it, but I did drink it last night.

Blondie, well, that wasn't the least bit distracting. Um, what were we talking about again?

Pud's alive!! Yay!

8:09 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Your bush is LILAC?

*screaming & running away*


9:34 AM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Ok, I don't even know what you look like and think you are WAY sexier than Tiger. He may be rich beyond all belief, but you are wickedly funny.
Lilacs though? Are those a manly bush?

6:35 PM  

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