Friday, July 20, 2007

Yes, I Am Still Here

Once again, Tysgirl's world has ground to a halt with me not posting anything for a few days. Much as me and my throbbing ego, (yeah, like any of you thought "ego" was following "throbbing" in that sentence), would like to think she and the rest of you just can't live without my sparkling wit and poorly constructed run-on sentences, the fact of the matter is more probably, (seriously, what the fuck is with that phrase? "the fact of the matter is more probably"? Come on!! That's not even good grammer in Esperanto for Christ's sake! Why do you come here?), that there's just nothing going on in Tennessee this week except another Civil War re-enactment where folks sit around longiong for the good old days before the Yankees came down and whipped some ass.

Remember when the Yankees whipped ass? Like say, two days ago? Instead of, for instance tonight, when they lost 14-4 to the worst team in Major League Basbeall!!!


Sorry about that.

I have been away from the blog for a bit, but there's a good reason. My wife left me.

For four days.

With the kids.

Who are on summer vacation and therefore never go away!!!!

Yep, she's in Key West, sucking down margaritas, (and hopefully that's all), while I sit up here in Connecticut where it's been raining for three days in the company of a 6 year old girl and 9 year old boy who between them throw off enough energy to power a small city. I relaxed today by mowing the lawn for two hours after the sun came out. Otherwise it's basically been going to the local pool where I tread water for an hour in the deep end, (I wish I were exaggerating that), while my daughter jumps to me and I catch her with one hand while frantically paddeling with the other to keep us above water. Sometimes I get a break when my son challenges me to a cannon-ball contest. I am growing gills and looking for Dennis Hopper to suddenly materialize on a rusty oil tanker.

What, no one got the "Waterworld" reference?

But tomorrow the kids go to Grandma's for a week. I play in a wiffle-ball tournament, which loosely translates to "I get drunk with my friends in a park", and on Sunday my wife comes home and we have a week with no children.

You're not getting many posts then either.


Blogger SoozieQ said...

Ok who loves you more, me or Tysgirl? I'm here FIRST!!

Have fun next week Stud.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

...and hopefully that's all...

I don't know how I didn't spit my Guinness out.

Anyway, I feel like Torre's given up on the game every time he puts Wil Nieves out there. I'm sorry, but if we weren't going to give The Big Eunuch his own personal catcher (rightfully so), why in the world are we letting Moose do it? I've been a fan of Moose for many years, although I was much more afraid of him when he pitched for the O's than I am safe with him pitching for us. I guess that means he scares me even more now. He should consider a new career using that big old Stanford cranium they can never stop talking about.

I felt like we threw out our rookie team or some shit tonight. I felt hopeless in the 2nd when it was still 0 - 0. I just had a bad vibe like we weren't taking it serious tonight. Yeah, the new guy got his first hit. He's 1 for 4, .250 which sadly means he's way above Johnny Damon. Can't someone break his leg so he has to sit out the rest of the season.

I wonder if Ken Phelps is still available to DH. Maybe Mattingly can still DH.

I really want to see the Yankees get within 5 games so I can watch A-Rod fold up like a cheap tent and shut everyone up who thinks he comfortable in NY now & is Mr. Clutch. If you're 15 games out, he's your guy. Same as if your down by 10 runs.

9:29 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Sooz, are you challenging me to a game of who loves Limpy more....because I'm thinking that's not going to help with the throbbing issue he's having.

Oh and Limpy, I thought I may have felt a little tingle, but I'm pretty sure my world didn't grind to a hault- you're good, but not that good baby. Sorry.

10:41 PM  
Blogger dykewife said...

do you mean to say that you'd actually rather spend time alone with your wife than posting scintillating entries on your blog for us to read?! it's a scandal!

11:40 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Well, that's understandable. With the kids gone, I would expect all posting to be in the wife's direction.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

So we know what you're doing for the 5 minutes alone with your wife, but what are you doing for the rest of the week that would keep you from posting?

9:55 AM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Tys comment made me snicker, but Zoe's comment made me bawl out loud. That was a good rip.

Anyway, I was just checking in to say it's 7-2 in game 1 and I've seen enough to give Damon's DH job to the man girl Shelley.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

In other words, when the wife (and kids) are away, Limpy will play. Most appropriate.

8:39 PM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Why? Do you have something better to do? Hmpf.

4:28 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Soozie, I have long since come to the conclusion that Tysgirl is just using me to get to you.

Rat, I haven't liked Mussina since that crap job he did against AZ in the 2001 Series. Quit worrying about who your catcher is and just pitch. Whiny little douchebag.

Tysgirl, oh it always starts with a tingle, but then it turns into a burnign sensation that won't go away no mater how much penicillin you take. Wait, what was the question again?

DW, well, at least for the first couple of days...

Pug, well-playewd sir, well played.

Zoe, traveling to your grandmother's house to tell her you still play D&D.

Rat, I don't know, Damon seemed to do alright in left field. Face it, we're stuck with him for two more years. I hope the Yanks bid for Torri Hunter and Damon becomes a high-priced utility player. And yes, Zoe did score big points on that one.

Nick, well, there's not much else to do.

JDR, listen you'd be doing the same thing. Don't bother denying it; I've read your blog.

9:57 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Oh, were you gone? I hadn't noticed.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

LOL! Dammit, Eclectic took my post! Grr. ;)

You're stilllllllll in the pool?
So, see! - You *could* related to the "Ever wonder pt.2" post I did... you grew GILLS! ;P

6:49 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

See, there you go with that throbbing ego again. I don't need you to get to Suzie!

As for the burning sensation....
you sound as if you speak from personal experience- did Ecstasy give you the gift that keeps on giving?

5:46 AM  
Blogger Litlsassy20 said...

sadly, I totally got the Waterworld ref :(

Have fun w/ the wife.........

7:16 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Eclectic, I'm going to slap you right on that sunburn.

Lil Bit, true, but now my superpowers are basically being Aquaman, and let's face it, he's a pretty lame superhero.

Tysgirl, don't denigrate my relatonship with Ecstasy. You, you just don't understand our bond! (sob)

Lil Sassy, thanks. Waterworld really is a wretched movie. But you can't turn away from it either.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Just be sure you get it right when you tell her. I'm an ELF, NOT and orc. Oh, and be sure to have her take you to ReddaMax for lunch.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Your posts always make me laugh.
I can just see you in the pool with your kids~*LOL*

....and sadly, I too got the 'Waterworld' reference.

Have a great time with your wife. :)

5:35 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home