Monday, August 20, 2007

Because Well-Adjusted Kids Are Boring Kids

Part 37 in an ongoing series of me against my children.

Scene: Last Night at Bed Time. Bedroom, (coincidentally), lights about to go out.

Son (age 9): "Dad, can you check the closet for monsters?"

Me: "What are you, 4? really?"

Son: "Yeah, I'm serious"

Me: "OK"

Goes to closet, opens it

Me: "Uh, 1,2,3...yep, looks like they're all in there. Good night son" -click-

Son: "You're the worst father ever" (but laughing)


Blogger Phollower said...

That's officially awesome. I'm totally gonna use that one if I ever get asked to check the closet for monsters when babysitting my nieces and nephew. At which time 2 hours of screaming for their mommy will begin and Uncle Phollower will be off the babysitting hook forever.

My sister-in-law should've known better anyway.

10:43 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

That's great!

He'll probably remember that forever and use it on his own children some day!

10:53 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Ok, that is funny! I don't know what is better though, ridiculing him first or the counting of the monsters thing. Heh.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Litlsassy20 said...

LMAO that sounds like me and my oldest son, I tell him all the time he's either a) a girl or b) rides the short bus........depending on what insanity comes out of his mouth
Good one, Limpy!

1:03 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

That is a very good one. I like it. :)

Start giving the monsters names...."Sprack - Eater of Nine Year Olds"

2:29 PM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I tell my kids that the monsters aren't in the closet, they're under the bed.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

That's a good one. I would have jumped back screaming, but I like your approach. Tell him it's just the ghosts of the Red Sox lead past.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Zoe said...

I'm going to have to remember that one for future use.

7:10 PM  
Blogger dykewife said...

lol...that's marvelous! i'm sure the psychologist is going to name his/her boat after you! i think that tysgirl is right, he's going to use it on his own kids someday.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

At least you got a sense of humor about the whole thing. That's a good thing. That means you will only slightly warp your kids.

9:41 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Let me remember: Ah! It was the kid in Berkeley Breathed's Bloom County who had monsters living in his bedroom closet. You really need to find a book of those old comic strips to give to your son, especially of you're to live up to his expectations

3:34 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

LMAO you are so evil! I love it!

7:24 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Phollower, I'm not sure I could take the two hours of screaming, but if it works for you, feel free to use it. I won't even ask for royalties.

Tysgirl, no, he'll remember and try it on his sister tomorrow.

Soozieq, I try to cover all the bases.

LS, thanks. Sounds like our kids will meet in therapy in the future.

Maggie, ooh, specific names. I like it!

RSG, are you really going to leave an "in the closet" straight line just hanging there? Really?

Rat, since the lead is back to 5, I'm trying to avoid any jinks. But I like the screaming part.

Zoe, um, are you trying to tell us something?

DW, psychlogist schmycologist. They can just brak into the liquor cabinet like all the other kids.

Pud, slightly warped kids are half off!

Nick, I have a collection of "Bloom County" books, but right now he's mostly into "Calvin & Hobbes" It's a good start either way.

LK, if only DCF would see it that way.

8:08 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

LMAO that was so funny.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Lovely! We only have one real closet in the house, and it's in our bedroom. The scariest things in our house are dust bunnies and ghosts.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

I'm looking forward to the stories where son (9) becomes son (16) and gets back at dad (age, 40-something).

9:45 AM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

As I've been saying all year, would someone please tell Mussina he's not good enough anymore to demand his own personal catcher. I'm really starting to fucking hate him even more than when he was great & beating the Yankees as an Oriole. I just have this horrible feeling of hopelessness when he pitches this whole season. At least he didn't make me suffer for long tonight. Freaking 2-0 after 1 inning. Bitch.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

Your son is going to have an awesome sense of humor when he grows up!
You are giving him a treasure.

8:10 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

I finally checked the archives & they showed the game with the Angels announcers on Monday night. Anyway, Michael Kay & Al got into it big time on Sunday discussing the so-called "Chamberlain Rules" regulating his pitching appearances. Al got pretty fired up then, and in his defense Kay was being a total douchebag just inciting him.

9:31 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Pixie, we do have our moments here don't we?

Alkelda, my wife wishes he lived in a house with ghosts. I'm not sure the kids would be up for that.

PG, and that's why Dad is considering taking up mixed martial arts as a hobby.

Rat, I think Mussina just doesn't like Posada, since he takes the back-up catcher as his guy all the time. But I'm with you, Mussina isn't remotely good enough to pull that shit.

Rhonda, he's already well on his way to that.

Rat, the "Chamberlain rules" need to go. If he's on the major league roster, he ought to be available just like any other pitcher.

8:52 AM  

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