Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Worst Father Ever

Apparently I have some stiff competition in this category.

Two nights ago I took my kids to a minor league baseball game. Field level seats for $10, can't beat that. Although with my kids you can expect to double that on hot dogs, lemonade, cotton candy and beer. Oh wait, the beer is me. We also took the family dog, because they had some kind of Humane Society benefit where you could bring in your dog. I'm not sure ours was all that thrilled to be surrounded by other dogs, as she's a giant wuss, but I gave her half of a hot dog and she seemed OK. I wonder how Moto would have done. Soozie?

At any rate, as the game went on, (our local team was again losing), I had the kids and the dog over in a grassy area to the side of the field. We're right next to the seats along the right-field line. In the front row there is a father and his two kids. A player launches a line-drive right toward them. This family isn't paying particular attention. Someone yells to them, the father looks up....and moves.

You could hear the sound of the ball hitting his youngest kid from where I was standing, maybe 50' away. If it was a head shot I wouldn't even be writing this. If it hit him in the ribs, he'd have left by ambulance. Instead, it got him right in the side, kind of above the hip. He'll have a nasty welt for a few days, but was up and walking within ten minutes. He'd even stopped crying. His father looked like he was about to start.

Now I understand that when a person turns around and sees a line-drive headed toward them, and they aren't particularly athletic, (and this guy looked like more of a NASCAR driver than an athlete), the understandable reaction is to get the fuck out of the way. On the other hand, if you're kids are behind you, CATCH THE DAMN BALL!!

On the plus side, the kid seemed OK, and there's no way that his father can ever punish him again, for anything.

"Son, did you drink all my beer and then drive the car through your mother's prize-winning petunia patch?"

"Yes, Dad, I did. Hey remember that time you stepped out of the way of a line drive that hit me in the gut when I was 6?"

"Carry on son, carry on"


Blogger Syd said...

I'm gonna overlook the stiff competition line and go straight to what a weasel dick of a father. My dad is the world's biggest asshole, but i have no doubt he'd take a bullet for me. (no, I'm not planning anything)

11:11 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I think he was just surprised and didn't even think. But you can't go to a ballgame and sit in the first row and not think about keeping foul balls away from your kids.

What, no comment on the NASCAR crack? That was for you.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Litlsassy20 said...

oh man, that brings back some painful memories!
Both myself and my youngest son are guaranteed to get hit if we are even in the vague vicinity of flying balls. However, when possible I DO take the hit for you can't compare me to this dad ;o)

But, you know, in some circumstances, a flying ball to the face is OK
:-D I couldn't resist LMAO

11:36 AM  
Blogger Litlsassy20 said...

and my man Tony Stewart will kick your ass over that NASCAR comment!!!!!

11:37 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

...there's no way that his father can ever punish him again, for anything.

I wish I got hit in the belly with a line drive when I was a kid. Man, I never get to do nuthin'.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

My kids would go to the extend of screaming hysterically at the sight of a baseball to get what they want.

12:44 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

LS, now see, if it was THAT kind of a ball's to the face game, I wouldn't be taking my kids there now would I? And Tony Stewart ain't kicking anything around here.

Phollower, hey, you got fried spaghetti didn't you? Ingrate.

Maggie, they'll quiet down if the baseball hits them hard enough.

1:29 PM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Um dog at an event like that? Hmmm, lets see.... A) He isn't fond of children (they scream and move quickly) B) He isn't fond of people of the adult variety that much either (they always want to pet him on the head and he doesn't like anyone messing up his hair) and C) There were balls being thrown around (not *those* kind of balls) that he couldn't chase

I'm pretty much thinking he would have been an edgy, uptight, bundle of Freaktard. That being said, had he been anywhere NEAR that family he would have taken an diver for that ball and most likely caught it before it hit the kid.

2:06 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

See, not so sexy.

2:15 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

I want the mug I gave you back. It's going to that guy.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hmmm. I wonder if that's the reason why, when my uncle took me to pro baseball games, he always got seats behind home plate--and the screen.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Now see, I'd be worrying the entire time at a ballgame that the ball was going to hit my kid. I'm a worrywort that way.

I'm reminded of the story a colleague told about what happened during the Nisqualy earthquake back in February 2001. My colleague was presenting storytime when the earthquake hit. The librarian was pretty calm and got the kids to a doorway, but one of the mothers ran out of the storytime room, leaving her kid behind.

There's a young adult short story in there somewhere, I'm just sure of it.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

What a PUSSY! Holy shit. I can't have kids and there's THIS motherfucker?

Seriously, I'm not bitter, but that slice of ASS is better off in a museum or something.

8:48 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Soozie, I was pretty sure the freaktard would not do well in a game situation, but I did chuckle thinking about it.

Tysgirl, no really, he was hot. At least as hot as those guys in the kilts a few posts back.

PG, you'll have to come and take it from me, and I fight dirty.

Nick, I get those seats when I'm with my daughter. One less thing to worry about.

Alkelda, see, and I thought mothers were the more protective of the offspring. Another assumpton blown away by ugly reality.

LK, he obviously felt bad about it afterwards, but he clearly didn't have enough experience at ballgames to be sitting where he was with kids.

8:31 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Oh-oh-oh, will mud be involved???

8:36 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Jello too if you play your cards right.

9:46 AM  
Blogger sylvia said...

I always think these things when I see parents sitting with their kids at the end of a hockey rink. How did that little thought go? Let's see...where to sit?...I know let's plop our kids who can't protect themselves within range of a frozen piece of rubber moving at about 100 mph. Yeah - those seats are a little less expensive and we can catch a puck! And those parents are never the ones paying attention to the game. It is better now that they put the nets up, but I have still seen pucks go whipping over the top of those toward the stands.

5:35 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

I had a comment, but got distracted by all the mud and jello fighting going on...

5:30 PM  

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