Random Is As Random Does

So I had a dream last night. Not that one I've had about the bar, although I'm pleased to announce I've been back there on a couple of nights since I wrote about it, and the place seems to have re-opened and is doing quite well. I still don't know the name of it though. On an unrelated note, I'll be trying to see one of my favorite bands, Dropkick Murphys, in Providence this weekend. But last night, out of nowhere, I had this dream where I was with a bunch of Scientologists and they were making a new kind of Rasien Bran. Tom Cruise was standing over a vat of water shoveling two huge scoops of raisens into the boxes. He said it was important that each box could really say that they had "two scoops" in them. So I shoved him nto the vat and said, "Now the boxes can say they have Tom Cruise in them too" He was pissed.

I have no idea what this means. Other than that I'm clearly nuts.

Our first game was this Saturday. Techincally we won 9-0, since the other team only had five players. But we sent them some of our kids and played anyway, at last until half the kids were close to heat stroke. I'm not sure what the deal is with the other town, but the five kids who did show up look like they moonlight in adult softball leagues. My son didn't get hit while batting, but he did take a ball to the ribs while stealing second. He's getting used to the whole "hit by balls" thing, so either he's back on track to play high level baseball or I've got the next Liberace on my hands.

One kid on our team threw, literally, a fit after getting called out on strikes. Threw the bat, threw his helmet, wailed in the dugout. His father's been helping us out and he's a good guy, so rather than beat his son, I walked over to him and told him we couldn't accept that behavior. So he got him calmed down. Next time up he strikes out again. Same performance. I'm coaching first. His father tells him to pick up the bat and he keeps walking. In a voice that would freeze blood, or at least stop everyone on the field from doing what they're doing I let the kid know in no uncertain terms to pick up the bat. My son, (who was playing for the other team, got three hits, made two great plays in the field, stole on of their uniform shirts and in general helped beat his teammates), told me later he thought the kid was dead. Not quite, but you can bet he picked up that fucking bat.

Afterwards I talked to the team about the game and what we'd done right, what we could work on. Then I told them, while not naming names, (even though it was obvious who I was talking about, because he was the only one crying and throwing stuff, including one kid who the other pitchers hit not once but twice), that anyone who acted that way in the future would not be playing the rest of the game. Then after the game the kids mother approaches me to get my email address because she wants to send me something. My wife sees this and asks whats going on. I say I guarantee that I'll be getting something about how the kid has emotional issues and needs additional leeway on behavior problems.

Wife: "And how will you answer that?" (She knows damn well what I'll say)

Me: "I don't give a shit if the kid's got leukemia. He acts like that he sits"

Now I don't want to sound insensitive, even though I am, (I just don't want to sound like it), but if there are 14 other kids on the team, one kid with some sort of emotional wire crossed can't be held to a different standard. Because then you've got 15 kids with attitudes, and not only that but 14 who resent the one getting special treatment.

Anyway, today I got the email. I was right. "Special needs" in the first two sentences. Pleasant surprise? You bet. Mom is backing us up, told her son that he can't act like that on the field, completely agrees with us about setting clear guidelines for behavior during games, and had a talk with him about sportsmanship. I'm thinking that this is probably because she's British. An American mom would have sued me. But good for her. It's nice to know we have at leats one parent that isn't going to whine about their precious having to act in a civilized fashion.

Now if she could just teach the kid how to catch...



Almost forgot, meet Bif Naked. I won one of her CDs on a college radio contest. I had no idea who she was, but I knew the answer to the trivia question so I called in. Got a CD missing the cover and marked at $4. It's called "I Bificus" Two decent songs and one absolutely kick-ass tune called "The Peacock" song. I plyed it about 19 times ina row this weekend. I googled Bif to see what the deal was. She's into punk rock, chicks, guys and tattoos. I like her already. She's also straight edge, (no drugs, no booze) and a vegan, so we can never be married. Bummer. But check her out.