Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Gravity's Done Gone, Sweetie.

There's a song I like entitled "Gravity's Gone" by the group Drive-By Truckers. Good stuff. At any rate, the song has a lot of good lines, like "she woke up sunny side down and I was still thinkin' I was too proud to flip her over", which I consider poetically beautiful. This should give you a good idea of what a degenrate I am, and should also give you pause to wonder why you keep reading the stuff I write. But suit yourself.

The chorus goes "I've been falling so long/It's like gravity's gone/and I'm just floatin" Which brings me to today's newspaper, where, ironically enough in the comics section, (which I do read first), there was a story about a young woman for whom gravity is indeed gone, and who may very well think she's floating, and from time to time might be so fucked up that she is actually floating, but who is going to land, hard, soon. Yep, Britney Spears was ordered to give sole custody of her children to, of all people, the guy on the left, Kevin Federline. Yep, a judge actally determined that K-Fed is the more responsible parent of the two. Who saw that coming a few years ago?

Personally, I think the kids would be better off if the judge ruled that they had to be abandoned in the woods to be raised by the first pack of wolves that took pity on them. At least the wolves would probably not agree to allow a reality show to follow the kids around. "And now little Jaden is poised to leap onto the haunches of the wounded elk, while Sean prepares to take the throat. You viewers will also not that while these kids are being raised by some of the most vicious representatives of the species canis lupus around, unlike their mother, they are in fact wearing underwear."

That possibility aside, I have to think that when the court looks at K-Fed on one side of the aisle, then looks at you and your narco-lollipop on the other side, and decided that the first side of the aisle is the better option for two kids under five, well, gravity's been gone for quite awhile, but it's about to make a sudden and dramatic reappearance in your life. Incidentally, if there isn't a band named "The Narcotic Lollipops", there should be.

Try to land on your feet and roll.


Blogger eclectic said...

I'm just glad they don't live in Washington, because I handle the occasional dependecy matter, and really? I wouldn't have the energy for this one.

11:56 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Sheesh. Some people just seem to ignore the gravity of this situation.

Heh. I couldn't resist.

But in all seriousness, I do feel really sorry for those two kids.

Money can't buy a sense of stability and love.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I think Britney's mother should have custody of the kids.

Sure....Britney's a fucked-up mess NOW...but she wasn't always that way. I think her mom did a pretty good job raising her and the other two kids.

K-fed is nas-tay!


Those poor kids.....

5:39 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Okay, I'm actually not going to take a sarcastic spin on this one, let the wolves commence.

One, where the hell is her mother? Mine would have locked me in the house and beaten my ass until some sense got into it. I also realize her mother has a restraining order against her, but shouldn't a mom risk jail to save their daughter and grandkids?
My mom would risk jail to save me. Ah, the beat-down filled with love.

Next, I realize they are celebrities and they bring on the photogs, but I still can't image living out every demon, sorrow, let-down, disappointment, and upswing be presented in the press.

Next, I'm afraid the next headline will be: Brits Dead.

..and really, what will the hypocrites (media) say then?

Last point for the wolves: I can't help but wonder how much post-partum is playing in all of this.


Sarcasm and cynicism will return tomorrow.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

As much as I dislike the whole Britney-KFed thing, it was hard to read about her losing custody of the kids. And then I realized that we probably look at children in a completely different light. All was right with my world again.

"Narcotic Lollipops"...isn't that when you put cocaine on the head...nevermind.

8:57 PM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

At first when you mentioned gravity I was really afraid you were talking about my boobs. Got me scared a second.

I'm so sad for Britney. I agree that her mother should have stepped in and beat some sense into her. Hopefully she'll get her head out of her ass before it's too late.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Well written, Limpy. Excellent points. And, were kids not involved, I would add “who gives a flying fuck about either one of those idiots.”

10:19 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Eclectic, they don't live in Washington YET. You know those kids will be changing their names to something like "Asia Happiness" and moving to a commune up your way.

Soozieq, no, money can't buy that stuff, but it will allow me to send a hit man after your ass if you keep making awful puns like that!

BP, I'm not sure I'd send the kids to the woman who raised the mother who lost custody to a poor white rapper, but maybe that's just me.

PG, settle down there. Here, have a lollipop.

Maggie, great, now I've got a new band name to deal with. "Cocaine Head" has a certain j'ne sais quois to it doesn't it? And no, I don't speak French.

RSG, Maybe she'll find Jesus in rehab. As in "the dealer down the street from me is named 'hayseuss' (I think I just stole that line from Phollower)

Nick, I agree, the kids detract from the humor of the whole situation. But the wolves will teach them self-sufficiency.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

Those kids were gonna be fucked up no matter what happened to them. If the wolves had any sense they'd make dinner out of the little bastards.

Wolf: "Damn, I just killed and devoured one of Brittney Spear's kids. Ooops, I did it again! Man I crack myself up."

1:50 PM  
Blogger CP said...

"Personally, I think the kids would be better off if the judge ruled that they had to be abandoned in the woods to be raised by the first pack of wolves that took pity on them."

Now that's what I call justice.


8:30 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

It's hard at this point to remember a time when there ever was gravity.

Brings to mind Major Tom.

11:30 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

I never looked half that hott when i was pregnant!! i'm jealous.

ok. maybe not so much....

11:31 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Shellibells ~ Nobody looks that hot when pregnant.. her pic is PShopped out the yin-yang!

Limpy ~ I think you need to start that Narcotic Lollipops band... GREAT name. Can I be a back-up singer? LOL

10:32 AM  

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