Friday, November 02, 2007

You Know You've Hit The Marital Lottery When...

I'm sitting around watching TV last night when the wife gets home from a company dinner she'd had to attend. Kids are in bed, dog safely ensconced in my lap, which is her favorite place in the whole wide world, to the point that my wife is jealous of her.

Wife goes upstairs and changes into sweats, wanders into the kitchen and calls the dog in for a treat. Which she will do just to get her off the couch so that my wfie can take her spot. They're so cute together. But after some unuusal rustling sounds I hear the dog commanded "OK, go lay down", and back she comes, eagerly plunking herself back on my lap. My wife heads down to the basement, where the laundry is. After a second or two, I notice that there's a note attached to the dogs collar.

Never mind what the note said, all you need to know is my ass got down to the basement without touching any stairs.

The dog stayed on the couch.

In a somewhat related note, because I was watching it at the time, is there a more annoying group of people than the crew on HBO's "Tell Me You Love Me"? A friend of mine swears I'm just missing the point, so if I stumble on it I'll try to watch it, but christ almighty, they really should change the name to "Just Tell Me To Fuck Off Because I'm A Whiny Little Bitch". It would be more accurate. For pretty much every single character.


Blogger Litlsassy20 said...


6:57 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

But, I want to know what the note said. I assume it had nothing to do with laundry?

8:15 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

LS, I prefer the Spanish guy on the soccer games. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

RSG, the note had nothing to do with laundry.

8:34 AM  
Blogger LouLaughlin said...

You sure it had nothing to do with Laundry? That's where dirty things go, isn't it? ;-)


9:08 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

My luck, I probably would have let the dog out to pee, w/o noticing the note.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Travis Erwin said...

Now that is a truly resourceful wife.

But watch going down those stairs when you have other things in mind.

10:18 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

So, 7 minutes this time? Or did ya go for the full 10? We all know what a giver you are.

10:41 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

But did it at least involve the washing machine?

10:43 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

No. No, we *all* don't want to know.

10:44 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

If you hadn't gone down to help her with "the laundry" she probably would've had to do the load by hand.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Was your wife on "spin cycle"?

11:18 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Lou, other than moving some clean laundry, there was no laundry involved.

Syd, but if you were on a Singapore Airlines AirBus, you couldn't let the dog out, so you wouldn't miss the note. (Go read Syd's blog, it'll make sense)

Travis, that's why I jumped them in one shot.

Tysgirl, before all was said and done, it may even have been 11 minutes.

Soozieq, nope. But there's a;so a weight bench, a pool table, a dryer, a fold-out couch and a bar down there. It's sort of like a great big "create your own porn story" isn't it?

Syd (II), no kidding, nosey fuckers aren't they? Really, the point of this was more the dog carrying the sex note. I'm shocked that my readers are more interested in the actual sex than...Nah, I can't even finish that sentence.

Phollower, she probably had to finish it by hand anyway. Sportscenter was on.

Zoe, more like "agitate" I don't really know what that means either, but it sounded funny.

11:37 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

I see. So what you're saying is you also folded a load of clothes and cleaned out the lint guard in the dryer while you were down there.

You're my hero.

12:05 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

There's a lint guard on the dryer????

12:54 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I hope the basement is at least a bit cozy.

3:46 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Blah, blah, sex, blah, blah, laundry.... What happened to the g**damn goose??

9:08 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

Reduced to the basement, eh? Guess that's what happens when you have kids!
Oh, but way to go!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

I was going to bust your balls on the no update on the goose thing, but who really cares when you're getting (or reading about) hot top of the vibrating dryer sex!

Way to celebrate the hiring of Giradi!!!

10:34 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Did it involve the washer? The dryer? Was the washer washing? Was the dryer drying?...a little jiggle whith toastiness with sex = lucky dog.

..the one in the basement with the wife, not the one left on the couch.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Sadly we do not have basements in our area of coastal Texas.

1:06 PM  
Blogger CP said...

I want a scanned copy of the note on my desk by the end of the day.


10:07 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Nick, and dry too!

Eclectic, answered in today's exciting (HA!) post.

Tai, no shit on the kids. On the plus side, it does require one to raise their level of creativity.

Rat, I can't say I was exactly thinking about Joe Girardi at the time, although if I did, maybe I could go longer than Tysgirl's 7 suggested minutes.

PG, the laundry machines were not involved. Which elaves the weight bench, the bar, the pool table and the couch as alternatives. Fill in the blanks as you wish.

Trish, there's always the attic!

CP, sorry, we recycle paper up here. It said "meet me downstairs for a good time" and had a little smiley face on it. I'm still kinda surprised the dog didn't eat it.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

I pick all of them, thus leaving no blanks. Unless you were shooting some.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

Ok, you got some in the dirty clothes (hot, lol) .... and that relates to this HBO show how exactly?? LOL

3:58 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I don't have HBO, but I am SO jealous of you right now. I'm just catching up. And I'm sure you barely got up the stairs to sleep after that. LUCKY!!!

9:37 PM  

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