Sunday, December 30, 2007

Happy New Year

And what a glorious year it's been too. If you haven't noticed, (and really why should you?), I've been on a bit of a vacation lately. Almost as long as the one I'm taking from work. I might go back for a couple of days next week, but not more than one if I can help it. And the only reason I'm doing that is to meet some arbitrary deadlines so that my supervisor's life will be easier, thereby making my life easier.

In the meantime, I've been occupying my time in a variety of ways, from making the kids quit playing XBox and going outside, (then getting on XBox for the next two hours myself), to getting the wife out without the kids for a dinner that does not involve pre-wrapped food, to staying up until 3 am and getting up at 11 am, (you get your 8 hours when you want them, and I'll get my 8 hours when I want them), to pestering the judiciary in states thousands of miles away from me to keep gay people from getting married, to growing sea-monkeys, to replacing dead fish with identical fish so my daughter doesn't know about the dead one, to dealing with a balky furnace, to having the following conversation with my son:

Son: "Dad, what's sex?"

Me: "About $100. Now go away, I can't watch the Cowboy game through you."

Alright, two of those things may have been somewhat exaggerated, like me even remotely giving a shit about what two consenting adults do with their relationships, and also my response when I was asked that question by my son this past week. My actual response was to take a deep breath and then, because his mother wasn't home, thereby preventing me from my preferred parental strategy known as "passing the buck", sitting him down and explaining what sex is. It's kind of awkward deciding on the fly what to include and what to leave in. I'm pretty sure a 9 year old can handle the whole "penis+vagina=baby" discussion, but I'm also almost positive he doesn't need to know what a rim-job is. Everything is else is kind of a grey area.

Oh, well, that's what the internet is for.

More regular posts to resume when I get back on a more regular schedule, including the resumption of our tour of Limpy's 50 states.


Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

The rim job comment killed me. I agree on the internet. It should make parenting much easier, but I would just check the browser history to make sure they aren't surfing www.shecan' or, etc.

10:45 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

you got it all wrong, babe.

penis+vagina=years of heartache, being broke, an itch and occasionally a funky discharge.

what's this rim-job you speak of oh wise one?

6:29 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

don't even start with me, I'm kidding!

6:30 AM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Rim Job? As in Spinners, right?

How about a stripper for his tenth birthday party?

Here's to a happy 2008!

7:06 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

Thank GOD I don't have to field the sex questions. When one of the nephews does ask me something, they get the standard "STFU".

Nice job on the goldfish switch. You know you'll have to do it about once a week, right?

8:29 AM  
Blogger Suzie said...

Happy New Year Limpy!

I'm counting on my Brother and SIL handling this question when my Niece asks it and she (my Niece) better not try to get several versions to check for consistency.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

You and your wife should start to find son's socks stuck together...soon-ish.

Have a great NYE!

11:11 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

Happy New Year buddy!

1:40 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Sex questions from your offspring should always be answered using a condom as a finger puppet, and talking like a ventriloquist.

Bring on 2008!

4:24 PM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I was wondering what legal genius ruined my cocktail party.

Have a happy, be safe. (With sex and other items.)

5:58 PM  
Blogger Motor City Monk said...

Good move leaving "rim jobs" out - however, fellatio and cunnilingus discussions are mandatory.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hmmm… You’ve been a hell of a lot busier than me. But, then, I’m supposed to be retired.

3:07 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

Ah, the dreaded "sex talk." One more reason I'm kinda glad I can't have mom broke out the encyclopedia for THAT one, and for the LONGEST time, because of looking at the pics upside-down, I thought my ovaries were in my breasts...

7:07 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

P.S. Happy New Year!!!

7:08 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...


11:48 AM  
Blogger Tai said...

I like tysgirl's comment.

If you want your child to know the truth, I think you should send him to see tysgirl!

Education should be spared no expense. :)

2:37 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Happy New Year! :)

6:23 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Consider me mildly disappointed. You actually had a dead fish available as a prop for the sex talk, and you didn't use it? For shame!

5:10 AM  

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