Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's Like Hannah Montana, Only If Hannah Swallowed

So we're taking a break from our trip through our 50 states, (plus maybe DC, Puerto Rico and/or Guam if I got really bored), to comment on the latest bit of schadenfreude, which is a word that a)I'm sure I misspelled but don't care, and b)means taking delight in the misfortune of others.

Jamie Lynn Spears, 16 and the sister of the very stable Britney Spears, is apparently knocked up. She's the star of a show my kids watch called "Zoey 101". She's Zoey. As I recall my school days, "101" was an introductory class where the basics of a subject were explained. Apparently "Zoey 101" could have done with spending a bit more time in "Biology 101". The news stories, (that I looked up after hearing about this on the news, and watching an episode of "Zoey 101" to see if there were any tell-tale signs, like "next week, on a very special Zoey 101, Zoey learns why she should have paid more attention to the lady putting the slimey rubber dohickey over the banana in that health class"), say that the father is her 19 year old boyfriend, who she met in church, and who now may be facing statutory rape charges, except they're going to move to Louisiana, where I believe it's OK for a 19 year old to knock up a 16 year old as long as they both consent to the sex and are the same species.

Obviously, 16 year old girls getting pregnant isn't really funny, but the news articles are priceless. They quote Jamie Lynn as saying that she and her boyfriend were really surprised that this could have happened. Yes, any time someone gets pregnant after having sex, it's a shocker dearie. This is what happens when you date naive people you meet in church. I met my wife in a bar and we had our first kid three years after we got married because we knew how to have sex and not get pregnant, and I don't mean anal either. While you can't get pregnant from that, good luck convincing your wife that's reason enough to go for it.

But the best part was Jamie's expressed desire to raise the kid in Louisiana, where she grew up, so the kid could have a "normal" life. Because that's worked out so well for the Spears sisters so far. At least they're rich.

So for now, I guess I'll have the kids just watch "Hannah Montana" at least until we get to the episode where Hannah does a bunch of Ecstasy and then bangs three roadies.


Blogger Litlsassy20 said...

yeah, I was highly amused by the I WAS SHOCKED comment lol and the mom couldn't believe because she was always on time for curfew.......and we all know you can ONLY get prego AFTER curfew!!!

11:14 AM  
Blogger SoozieQ said...

Yah that story really SHOCKED me too. I can't believe how fertile those Spears girls are...I mean to be able to get pregnant from sex. WHO KNEW?!?

11:49 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

And shockingly enough, Lynn Spears, mother to both, is putting her book, "Motherhood" on hold (for now.)

Example A of how Hollywood can mess-up an otherwised dysfunctional family. Only this way there are cameras and memories forever.

11:50 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

LS, "always on time for curfew" Yeah, brushing twigs and grass off her shirts and out of her hair, but goddamit she was on time!

Soozie, they are a couple of winners aren't they? Wouldn't the youngest one sort of get a clue from how much trouble the older one has? I guess not.

PG, are you shitting me? The mother has a book about child-raising?? I must get this tome of wisdom!

11:57 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Further proof that stupid people shouldn't be allowed to breed. The stupid just keeps getting passed down generation after generation.

"Know Limpy's States" was more interesting.

12:24 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

It's not done yet, although I was tempted to move Louisiana up after this story.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

I agree completely with tysgirl. Stupidity breeding more stupidity. Makes me shudder.

But I don't understand...pregnancy AFTER sex????
Must be a new thing they've come up with. It's not surprising then, that they were caught unawares.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...


Normal and Louisiana? You gotta be kidding me.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Callie said...

At least she can't lie like her sister, and claim she's going to wait until after marriage for sex.

I just hope Jaimie Lynn is a better mom than her sister.

2:19 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Thank god they're not homosexual, because then they couldn't get married to fix this situation! Y'know, because a 19-year old marrying a pregnant 16-year old is such a great recipe for successful marriage to begin with....

3:02 PM  
Blogger JTEWhatever said...

Come on now, how is this a shocking situation? The girl has a mouth on here to make a sailor least big sister pretended to be innocent until 18, lil' sis barely had a license before she was cussing out middle aged women on TV. The fact that she got knocked up is just icing on the Spears' family cake. And Mommy Dearest writing a parenting book...I'll buy it as soon as Bill Clinton writes a book on "How to Build a Trusting and Faithful Marriage".

4:38 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

I only speak the truth.

Except when drunk, then I only speak in wisdom.

5:14 PM  
Blogger sylvia said...

Whenever I hear about people "accidentally" getting pregnant, I always think of Phollower's Mom. These people always say they weren't trying/planning to get pregnant. She always says that if you were having sex without birth control, you were trying.

9:02 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Damn. I have to race out the door. Okay, looks like I'll be testing the firewall at work again today. Back in a bit.

5:32 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Yes, this was an interesting conversation at our breakfast table as well. I asked my 8 year old how old you should be before you have sex and she answered, "Never! Sex is gross, I'm NEVER having sex."

We had her put in in writing and had in notarized. It's currently in the "very important documents" file of my cabinet, with my will, my passport, and the savings bond my grandmother bought me when I graduated high school.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Callie said...

Oooh! That's a good idea, RSG. I think I'm going to do that with my girls.


11:23 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

LOL. I'm having visions of puerileuwaite trying to sneak past a firewall reading a post containing the word anal.

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing you're proud that you put firewalls everywhere to the test.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m surprised so many folks are shocked about a 16-year-old being pregnant, especially in these days when 6th graders brag about the great blow jobs they give.

7:11 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Actually tysgirl, the firewall is safe from my blogging for yet another day. Sinisterly, work found a way to distract me just long enough until it was too late, and I realized I was back home on my own dime. And that is more profane, in my opinion!

Anyway, this was good news for several reasons:

1) It addresses my concern about the world's "Spears Reserves";

2) It reminds us that you CAN experience the joy of becoming a grandparent before you hit 33 and a great-grandparent by age 48, even if you've never lived in the south;

3) It validates the need for proper installation and usage of car seats as part of High School Driver's Ed.

4) A babysitter with her own kid is more likely to be seasoned in child care from a first-person perspective, and therefore more cognizant of her responsibilities.

5) It means a more seamless transition from baby fat to baby fat.

6) She can't get knocked up again until after this pregnancy is over. This allows us to multitask and track other teen role models.

7) It paves the way for "Zoey 69": The Reality Series".

8:59 PM  
Blogger JTEWhatever said...

I really am not allowed to be that shocked, my sister was 15 when she went and got herself knocked up. The only bonus to her getting pregnant was that she was the good child, I was the trouble maker until that point. Then roles reversed, and suddenly I was the good child. Never again did I here the words "Why can't you be more like Renee?" Yea for me.

6:10 AM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

When did Louisiana tighen up the laws & require the two to be of the same species?

12:22 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Merry Christmas, Limpy!

5:00 PM  
Blogger Prin said...

LOL!! Great post. :) Now I have to start watching Hanna Montana. lol

5:39 PM  

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