Sunday, December 09, 2007

Turn Around, You've Just Missed Delaware!

Chapter 2 in "Know Limpy's States"

Delaware was the first state admitted to the union, ratifying the Constitution on December 7, 1787, which means two days ago was the 220th anniversary of the start of the United States of America. I celebrated by working late. The people of Delaware more than likely celebrated by getting drunk and yelling about how "we were the first state" this and "Delaware ratified the Constitution first" that, just like they're required by law to do every week anyway. Smug-ass Delawarians.

The chief fascinating fact about Delaware is that it's gone from being the first state to being a wholly-owned subsidiary of DuPont Co., a company primarily known for blowing shit up, something that comes in handy when you share a border with New Jersey. Picking up on this fact, many other companies have taken advantage of Delaware's corporate-friendly atmosphere to register as being based in Delaware, even if their only physical presence is an agent for service and a PO Box. Spend any amount of time in law school studying corporate transactions and you'll hear plenty about Delaware. If you're lucky, four years later you won't remember a goddamn thing about it. I think corporations are allowed to rape and pillage the area around their PO boxes every other Tuesday, but I may be mixing that up with the movie "Meatballs"

The state bird of Delaware is the Blue Hen Chicken. Which, when you think about it, is really, really gay. They also named the sports teams for the University of Delaware the "Blue Hens", leading to a massive inferiority complex before games even start. Actually, according to the book ("Our Fifty States", from National Geographic), the name in truth derives from a company of Revolutionary War Delaware soldiers who amused themselves by staging cockfights with blue hen chickens. The name is supposed to demonstrate fighting spirit, rather than a bunch of assholes with nothing better to do than molest poultry when they should've been fighting the British.

The state flower is the peach blossom. Delaware being known for its peaches and all.

The highest point in Delaware is an unnammed spot towering 448 feet above sea-level! I'm pretty sure I top that when I walk upstairs at night. There is a group of people who try to reach the highest points in all 50 states. I would imagine this is one knocked off while having lunch between New Jersey and Pennsylvania.

There are 817,491 people in Delaware.

IF YOU'RE IN DELAWARE YOU SHOULD: Ask someone who lives there what they do for fun. The book says Delaware has nice beaches and is a leader in conservation. Of course, one of it's shoreline wildlife refuges is bracketed by Slaughter Beach and Broadkill Beach, so it seems like there's a good chance you'll meet a guy in a hockey mask and wielding a machete if you do hit the beach.

MISS DELAWARE LOOKS LIKE THIS:


LIMPY'S CONNECTION TO STATE: Slim to none. I've driven/ridden shotgun through it, both ways, twice, going to a softball tournament in Virginia. Granted we were cutting out the northern half, but "blink and you missed it" doesn't seem much of an exaggeration in Delaware. I will say that the local state troopers were nothing but polite when giving my friend Julie her speeding ticket after she blew through a speed trap at about 85.

HAS LIMPY GOTTEN LAID IN THIS STATE: No.

That concludes Chapter 2 of "Know Limpy's States" Next up is the pride of the downeast, Maine. What are the odds I'll mention lobster?

27 Comments:

Blogger Frank said...

I just came across this comic that seems to sum up this whole enterprise rather well.

I'm not sure what it says about those of us who just *read* blogs...

7:40 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

You know...a piture of a naked chick would have made this post a lot more interesting. Or even a picture of like say Miss Delaware.

8:01 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Does anyone really get laid in Delaware? I second Zoe's sentiment, a naked chick would be nice.

8:59 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Frank, I couldn't get that link to come up, but the URL indicates it's from "Pearls Before Swine", which runs in our paper. I think Rat's derogatory observations about us bloggers are probably pretty accurate.

Zoe, funny you should mention that...

RSG, judging from their smallish population numbers, apparently not.

9:25 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Thank you!

10:24 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

It's probably best if nobody gets laid in Delaware. Do we really want them to breed?

10:36 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Thanks limpy. Now you've peaked my interest.

12:40 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Is it just me, or does Miss Delaware look remarkably JUST LIKE Miss Connecticut, except for the banner?

Anyway, all of this sort of begs the question, "What DID Della wear?"

1:00 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Delaware? That's all you got??

1:28 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

RSG, you're welcome

Tysgirl, heck no! There's already no room in that state, and then we'd have illegal immigration from Delaware to deal with.

Zoe, well, that's what I live for. I was really intending to add "Miss Whatever Looks Like This" as an excuse to get some skin in their, so when you suggested it I cracked up and started looking.

Eclectic, oh believe me, it's going to get creepier. All those contestants are Stepford clones.

Trish, hey, if you've got good Delaware stories, I'd love to hear 'em.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

I think Delaware is the only state that still can carry out capitol punishment with either hanging or firing squad. I think the latter.

6:25 PM  
Blogger JTEWhatever said...

So I'm a little slow, I just finally got to get to your page to read this. I haven't laughed this hard since....well since I read Tygirl's adventure in plumbing.

2:23 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

jtewhatever, I'm so glad you take pleasure in my plumbing trauma. Bitch!

9:14 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

If your discussion of Maine, like your discussion of Delaware, includes your sex life it may or may not include lobster but will almost surely include crabs.

1:40 PM  
Blogger RED MOJO said...

This is my first visit here. You seem to be catching a lot of flak over this post, how many states did you say you were gonna profile? What I noticed about driving through Delaware is they collected some money from me to enter the state, and even more, 6 minutes later, to get out!

3:25 PM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Not Delaware related, but Limpy, I need some advice...

I need to appear in court on Monday, and I was wondering what I should wear? If I recall, you have some good information about this subject.

And no, I did not commit a crime, just post-divorce, ex-husband is an asshole and my ex-attorney is incompetent kind of stuff.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

....and yet another state I've never been to...don't care to go now.

Thanks for saving me a trip! ;-)

7:28 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Delaware was first in and first forgotten.

8:06 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Geez Nick, if your comment were from... say, Limpy, and not you? I'd totally accuse him of being harsh to the poor guy...

8:51 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Wow. It's like a super inner dork post.

Awesomeness.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

LMAO... I celebrated their anniversary with ... an enima. Hooray for Delaware.

I think this is a really cool idea, Limpy. I guess this book isn't in alphabetical order? I'm curious to know the title...

9:49 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Dude, don't shoot the messenger, huh? Jessica Alba's pregnant. And I'm guessing it's not yours.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Your informative series got me to thinking and of all the wild sordid sex I have had over the years, it's all been in NY, CA or D.C. which made me feel very inadequate and depressed. Fuck you.

4:14 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Oops, your title was prophetic! I got so excited about Maine, I zipped right by your Delaware post, and had to double-back. Paying tolls both ways, of course, and getting pulled over by the Super Trooper who was hiding behind the second to last refinery.

Ever the conspiracy nut, I suspect "Miss Delaware" is simply a ploy to get people to say "miss Delaware" as if they're actually longing for the state. But nonetheless, she does have yours truly considering opening a box there.

Also, I can't help but wonder if the Gamecocks have ever squared off against the Blue Hens in intercourse, er, interconference play.

I suppose Delaware is okay. After all, it did give us George Thorogood. And anyone who drinks alone and therefore doesn't inflict himself on others (except for his music) is okay in my Road Atlas.

5:06 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Rat, as though a sentence of life in Delaware weren't enough.

Jte, welcome aboard. And don't worry, around here we know that if there are two knobs under the sink, turning both of them will probably stop the flood.

Tysgirl, as do all your readers.

Red, come back often. I don't charge $6.00 both ways.

RSG, I suggest either business casual or a T-shirt reading "Alcatrz Psych Ward"

BP, you wouldn't even realize you'd been there.

Nick, must have some bad memories from The Blue Hen State in your past.

Eclectic, I know. I was taken aback too.

PG, and there's 48 more chapters to go!!! I'm all tingly, but the doctor says that should clear up.

Phollower, actually, Maryland would be more likely to cause me crabs, but we'll get to that later.

Lady K, that seems more appropriate for New Jersey.

Eclectic, of course it isn't mine. I use birth control.

Rat, easy man, so far I've mentioned exactly one state.

Pug, I always thought "The Delaware Destroyers" was a description of what they'd had to do to break out of their state. I'm learning from my own readers!!

8:15 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

You're half way to my total already, with 44 states to go.

9:41 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I'd always meant to visit the museum in Wilmington, DE, on my bus route from New York to Maryland. Hey, I was into PreRaphaelite art, and the art museum there had a good collection. When it came down to it, though, I always stayed on the bus.

Your state by state blog tour reminds me of Stephen Colbert's "Better Know a District" series.

9:09 AM  

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