Thursday, January 24, 2008

We Now Pause For These Commerical Messages

I was hoping to get a post in about New Jersey this week, but it doesn't look like that will be getting done. There are a number of reasons for this, among them my own laziness and a week long battle to get through one of the tougher levels of Halo 3. But the main reason is the community service I'm engaged in tonight. And not the usual kind of community service I do thanks to those spoilsports in Vice, where I'm picking up trash on the side of the road while wearing some kind of neon jumpsuit.

Nope, this week is the culmination of my law school alma mater's "Moot Court" session. Two of my friends are teaching a section this year, as they have for the last several years. Moot Court is about the only practical thing anyone ever learns in law school. It takes place during winter break, (thereby keeping anyone from getting a job, although not from drinking), and for several weeks teaches would-be lawyers how to write a brief and how to argue in court.

At the conclusion of the moot court session the classes are broken up into teams and they argue in front of panels of "judges". This year I agreed to help out by being one of the judges, mostly because I'm hoping to reduce one or two students to tears through aggresive questions that have nothing to do with the actual case they've been working on. Just like a real judge would.

After agreeing to do this, and promising not to actually swear at the students, (I totally crossed my fingers), I was presented with a stack of documents the size of my head to go over to prepare questions for, and upon which my ever-so-crucial judgment is to be based.

Just as a side-note, how thrilled would you be if you knew your Moot Court grade relied at least in part on a guy named "Judge Limpy"? Personally, I'd ask for my money back.

So after spending much of the week reading briefs, case-law, bench guides and contracts, tonight I'll be sitting down, (dressed in a judge's robe!), and asking young lawyer hopefuls questions like "How do you reconcile that position with the Vermont Mutual decision?" "Isn't that positon contrary to our often expressed public policy of reading insurance policies in favor of the insured, rather than the insurer?" "Do you seriously think that tie goes with that suit?"

I do it for the kids.

And because I'm just kind of a dick.

Just for the hell of it, here's a shot of Indira Varma. I figure something in here should be interesting.


Blogger tysgirl said...

tell us Judge Limpy, will you be going commando under your robe?

Because I'm seeing a plot for your next porn flick unfolding whereby the defendant gets sentenced to 50 lashes with a hose.

What? So I have an overactive imagination. There are worse traits in life.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Okay, thought of you being a hard-ass is bringing a smile to my face.

The thought of you terrifing the kiddies, awesomeness.

The thought of the kids being terrified of you, even more awesomeness and even a bigger smile.

8:26 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Good luck Judge Limpy. Be careful with your "gavel" especially if you DO go commando under your robe.

Since you're not a real judge but just playing one in Moot, do people have to stand up when you walk into the room? If so, you should totally fuck with them and make them keep standing during the entire moot hearing!

8:45 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Tysgirl, I wondered who would be the first to ask about going commando under the robe. And I was right. I do like the movie idea.

PG, that a whole lotta awesome smiling going on there.

RSG, the students do have to satnd when we enter the room. It's taken very seriously. By everyone but the judges. We just fuck with the kids.

WITH the kids Tysgirl, "with" the kids

9:56 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Well, that's cause I am awesomely cute. Duh.

10:04 AM  
Blogger The Q said...

Since I know we won't be seeing any pictures of you (your chicken legs or your "hose") can we see a picture of you in the white haired, judge wig?

10:22 AM  
Blogger Syd said...

God dammit. Tysgirl beat me to it. That was first thought when you said robe.

10:29 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

I'm that predictable? Is there punishment for such an offense?

LOL. I'm going to have so much fun with this judge thing!

FYI: I would have NEVER touched the thing about fucking with kids, that's just wrong man. You know me better than that.

10:33 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Hand down the moot death penalty at the end!! I don't care that it's a civil matter with no criminal implications. You have no choice but to sentence them to moot death. Or, y'know, buy 'em a beer. Whichever.

We didn't have Moot Court for everyone, just the kids on Law Review, of which I was NOT one. The rest of us had to do "Clinic", where actual people with real legal problems paid NOTHING to receive legal advice which was likely worth less than that, from Three-Ls who were nominally "supervised" by law professors that had never practiced. Perfect. No court required.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

So, what are the charges? Shoplifting Twinkies? Show their twinkies?

Anything good?

Remember, Judge Wapner (sp) dated Ava Gardner...

4:12 PM  
Blogger dykewife said...

now that's a lovely judge's robe she's wearing. perhaps you should emulate her sense of style. it certainly would make for a memorable time in the moot court for students and get them used to the vaguarities that are called judges. it would also explain the "judge limpy" moniker on your " name is" name tag.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

So these 'kids'. They're all in their 20's aren't they.

That's how you know you're gettin' old.
You can 20 somethings 'kids'.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Zoe said...

Don't you chuckle every time you say position? Just me?

Yeah, and I won't be posting the weekend either, I've gotta, "get some levels done."

2:04 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Don't forget to reference some really archane cases from the 1800s. Sounds like a great ball breaking time will be had by ... well, you at least. Make 'em cry!

8:02 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

I have a fantasy about making love to Judge Judy SO expertly, that she is no longer irritable, and she doesn't call me stupid.

6:43 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Have fun, Limpy. Playing judge may give you insight into a potential future. What I'm saying is, I have 3 college buddies who are now judges and they always seem to be on vacation. Nice life.

7:22 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

PG, "duh" indeed. I don't know why I was surprised.

Q, Nope. Those pictures are, uh, private. Also disgusting.

Syd, and I had you in a photo finish with Tysgirl for that comment.

Tysgirl, technically, these "kids" arer all at least 22, so Icould literally fuck them without any legal ramifications whatsoever. Other than divorce.

Eclectic, I was in several clinics while in law school too! Tell me, did you have to pee in a cup too? Because I never understood the point of that.

Maggie, what a whore that Judge Wapner was! And no, the problem had to do with the contractual obligations of subscontractor to maintain an insurance policy to indemnify the general contractor for any workplace injuries, and yes, it was about as exciting as it sounds.

DW, it was even worse, I got stuck with the robe that doesn't button all the way down, and Indira is SLIGHTLY more attractive than yours truly.

Tai, I'll be old when I'm calling 20 somethings "my kids". I've got a few years left.

Zoe, tough couple of dungeons to clear out? And no, you're not the only one who chuckles at the word "positions". And it provbably wasn't fair of us to ask the students to show us their briefs either.

Rat, we went after one kid on the definition of "liability" if that helps. I thought he might cry, so we changed the questions to easy stuff like "what color is your tie?"

Pug, if you can pull that off, I'll nominate you to the Supreme Court.

Nick, a friend of mine is a partner at a major law firm and he's just been nominated to the bench at about 1/4 of his annual earnings, so there's gotta be something to the judicial life.

8:55 PM  

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