Friday, May 02, 2008

Kentucky's Gonna Kill Me

Although given what I've written about the other states they're probably not all that upset that I'm stalled on there chapter. Assuming anyone in Kentucky actually has a computer.

As you know, thanks to my publicist and blogging conscience Tysgirl, yesterday was my birthday. I am now 39. Woo-hoo.

I spent the morning knocking off a couple of depositions, then went to the casino for some poker. I play $1-$2 no-limit Hold 'Em, which is a lot of fun to play and incredibly boring to listen to stories about, so I'll spare you any exciting tales of what I did in each situation based on the cards in my hand, on the table, and my own incredible powers of observation. All we need to say about that is that I was there for 4+ hours and lost about $60. I also found out you can get a 15 minute back rub from a professional masseuse for $20, which means I probably should have spent that $60 for 45 minutes of a back massage. Live and learn.

But the most interesting thing was watching the big guy named Brian who was sitting acrss from me the whole time. When I arrived the waiting list for a seat at a $1-$2 table was ten deep, so they opened a new table for the 10 of us. made me feel special. So I saw Brian in action from the time I sat down until the time I left. He told us early on that he'd been up for 30+ hours, had played in a tournament earlier in the week and was now playing cash games to kill time until his bus left, at about 8 pm, at which time he would hopefully pass out for the entire ride home.

Now here's the thing. If you're playing cards, they have waitresses that come around to the table about every 20 minutes, and they'll take your drink order and bring you the drink. AND IT'S FREE!!!! Whatever you order, it's free. You usually tip a buck to make sure she keeps coming back, but otherwise, whatever you want to drink, you can get for $1. I get water or juice, since my drunken card-playing would have us in the poor house in no time. I was sort of pissed off to discover, just as I was leaving, that you can get chocolate milkshakes too. I never even thought of that. I love chocolate milkshakes!! For $1 each I'dve probably put myself in a diabetic coma within two hours.

Brian, however, isn't as much a fan of water or milkshakes as he is off booze. During the 4+ hours I was there he must have had 8-10 shots of various forms of booze. Jack Daniels, Crown Royal, Southern Comfort, sterno, whatever he could think of, he'd order. And they'd bring it to him. The only rule they have is that you can only get one at a time. Which is pretty easy to deal with when you're going to see the waitress every twenty minutes. I've sat at bars and had less frequent service.

As the afternoon wore on, Brian got louder. Hard to believe, I know, but not in an obnoxious way. He kept daring people to bet more money, kept throwing more money into the pot to build things up, and by the time I left to go meet my wife for dinner, (she paid; I had a "game dinner" of venison, pheasant and sausage, as well as an oyster stew. I don't need to eat for another three days.), had lost about $500. And he seemed perfectly OK with it.

The moral of the story is if you're going to skip work and play cards, try to sit at the table with the happy alcoholic with the gambling problem. Hopefully he got home OK, but I suspect he's still snoozing in the back of the bus, now parked at the terminal.


Blogger Syd said...

Dude, you can't drink a milkshake while playing poker. You just can't.

Amazing that you're not a fag.

10:53 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Mmmm, chocolate milkshakes.

Ever have one from Johnny Rockets? They rock. The ship we're cruising on has a Johnny Rockets restaurant right on board. Week after next, I'll be sucking down a chocolate milkshake in the Caribbean. Don't hate.

12:39 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Syd, the guy that ordered it got it with whipped cream and a cherry. I like chocolate milkshakes a lot, but even I'm not going that far.

Tysgirl, Johnny Rockets is pretty good. I like their burgers better than their shakes. But then, I'm spoiled because we live near UCONN's ice cream shop, and their shakes are really, really good.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Just lil o me... said...

Give me a good dark chocolate shake at Steak & Shake and I'ma happy kat...


2:23 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I've never been a fan of chocolate. Call me crazy. I DARE you. LOL

11:26 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

But give me a 1/2 order of some fries with a vanilla milkshake? OH YEAH

11:28 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Thanks Kat, I've lived in the South for 14 years and until now have managed to avoid Steak & Shake.

Now, I have to go. Snatch.

8:35 AM  
Blogger B.E. Earl said...

Did you take a pot off the milkshake drinker and make some lame "I drink your milkshake" comment? No? Good for you.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Phollower said...

OK, I'm basically a casino rookie so I have to ask: How does the house make money off you playing poker with a bunch of other guys? And then bring you drinks on top of it? Is the idea that if they get you into the casino and a little liquored up you'll play other games? Or is there an entry fee or something?

11:15 AM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Milkshake and casino: two words I never associated with each other ... until now.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Cedar said...


They take a percentage of the pot in smaller casinos.

Not that I gamble.


5:12 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Happy belated birthday, you old fuck. No, wait. I'm 39 too. That's young. Hey, whenever I used to go to that shit hole called Atlantic City, I had a set amount it was okay to lose. On any trip / vacation, you spend x amount on stupid shit. As long as you follow the signs they used to post over the ATMs in the casino (by law, I am sure), "Bet with your head, not over it" why not have some fun. Although, the back rub sounds like a great diversionary expense next time.

I never thought of sausage as a game food, but now it makes sense. All my guinea wop bastard friends back in NY are just big game hunters when they go out on the weekends hunting for the babes with lines like "YO!" or "How you doin!"

Nice that the Yankees have won 2 in a row for your birthday weekend. I hope it continues tomorrow. You got a special Wang Chung party on Friday night.

I again reiterate you have the best commenter babes.

"amazing you're not a fag" killed me. It might be in tandem with the beer tonight, but funny regardless. One thing I noticed as I get older. I don't fucking care about that shit I would have been "too macho" for younger. Yeah, I'm ordering a chocolate milk shake (and I would have gotten the shipped cream & cherry), and if you have a problem with it, fuck you. And if you keep mouthing off about it, I'll kick your ass, bitch. Like the Dos XX commercial says, "he's a lover, not a fighter. But don't let that fool you because he's a fighter, too"

We have Johnny Rocket's all over the place out here. I don't ever remember seeing them back east in NY.

Steak & Shake? Sounds so ... uhm ... southern. Good place for the next KKK meeting.

10:25 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Kat, I've never been to Steak 'n Shake, but I hear good things.

LK, OK, you're crazy!

Tysgirl, nice, with the name-calling of poor, sweet innocent....I can't even finish that.

Earl, no, he got there as I was wrapping up. But if I did, I'm pretty sure I could have resisted that line.

Phollower, they charge you $5 a half hour to play. Each table seats ten and they're generally full, so the casino's making $100 an hour off each table. Even so, poker tables don't generate enough profit, so they're basically there to draw people in and hope they'll play some of the other games as well.

Pug, I am all about broadening horizons here. That and cheap sex jokes.

Cedar, I'm told at the higher limit games they take a percentage of each pot instead of the time fee. But I wouldn't know cuz I'm a huge pussy.

Rat, I do have the best commenter babes. None hesitate to call me a fag. usually I have to pay extra for that.

7:12 PM  
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12:37 PM  

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