Friday, June 13, 2008

Because Now Cedar Won't Quit

51. I'm strangely addicted to the show "Deadliest Catch" I have no idea why; it's pretty much the same show every time. Ship goes out, ship catches crab, the waether in the Bering Sea can be rough.
Nonetheless, I watch it every time.

52. I can guarantee that my gravestone will not say "He Wished He Spent More Time At Work"

53. I can't guarantee that it won't say "What A Dick"

54. As I've remarked earlier here, hockey used to be my faovrite sport, (to watch. I can't skate for shit), but I lost interest after Peter Karmanos, that sack of shit, took the Whalers
to Carolina. This year, however, I was able to start watching it again with renewed interest, although I still don't have a favorite team. Whoever it evetually is, it sure as shit won't be the Hurricanes.

54. I can hold a grudge for a long-ass time. And I'll do it. I do not forgive easily.

55. The Stanley Cup
is easily the coolest trophy in all of sports. I'd like to steal it and threaten to melt it into tire rims unless the Whalers are returned.

56. I wasn't kidding about the grudge.

57. I am very bad with new technology. Answering my cell phone without electorcuting myself is cause for rejoicing. I would be much better at these things if I read the directions. But I don't.

58. I am over-competitive to a fault. An ex-girlfriend once got mad at me because I would n't let anyone else on my team, including her father, answer questions in "Trivial Pursuit"
My response? "Yeah, but we won."

59. If I had to pick a favorite porn star, (and thanks to late night Cinemax reruns, I don't!), it would have to be Savannah Samson. Also, I really hate the filters on my work computer right now.

60. I think panda bears are cool.

61. I am running out of ideas.

62. When I was about 12, a rock hit me right in the mouth, knocking a permanent tooth out and resulting in my taking 50 stitches in the lips. Which really fucking hurts.

63. In a related note: Hey kids! That broken down dam down the street from your house? The one you and your friends are going to ride your bikes to and then climb up? Yeah, about that. Don't do it.

64. I love snow. There's no such thing as too much of it. But then, I don't live in Colorado.

65. I work out a lot. It's my outlet. As a result I don't have much stress and I'm in pretty good shape for a guy pushing 40.

66. Also as a result of #65, here's a list of body parts that currently give me at least occasional trouble: right foot, right knee, right groin, low back, left hand, left elbow, left shoulder. I think I'm falling apart diagonally.

67. Lately I've been trying to improve my gas mileage by coasting down any good-sized hill, and driving at or near the posted speed limit, as opposed to my usual 80 mph. As a result, I've been getting 490 miles per tank, as opposed to the 380 or so I was getting. Feel free to make use of that yourself.

68. One of the bravest things I've ever done was to charge into a swarm of white-faced hornets
to get my first dog off his line, where he was under attack.

69. White-faced hornets hurt like a motherfucker.

70. The best places to swim are always illegal. I swim in them anyway. And bring my kids.

71. I'm currently reading "The Fatal Shore", afine novel explaining why one should never trust an Austrailian. Actually a very good book. This is my second trip through it.

72. I want to put solar panels on my house, becuase I'm not real eager to find out how much my electircal bill is going to be in the future.

72. I was raised Catholic, but have long since fallen away from the church.

73. I can't beat my son at Halo3.

74. I kick the crap out of him at NHL '08.

75. Today I went to a funeral for the mother of a person I don't particularly like. But her husband is one of my best friends and I went because it was the right thing to do. If my kids learn nothing else from me, I want them to learn to do that.

76. I think that most of the world's problems could be easily solved if we just addressed the problem of over-population. To that end I support the elimination of groups of undesirables. And I'd like to suggest we start by eliminating wacky drive-time radio DJs.

77. I wasn't kidding about the population thing. If we don't slow things down, everything else means dick.

78. I like to sweat. Make of that what you will.

79. I'd like to see some lurkers comment about this. You know who you are.

80. Oh dear go there are 20 more of these to go. Hey, if I type that 19 more times...

81. When I was a kid I used to love to read the historic battles section of The People's Almanac. I probably knew a lot more about the Battle of Agincourt than any other 12 year old.

82. Yes, I am a nerd.

83. When Little League season ends I'm going to join my friend's gym and learn to box. Can you say mid-life crisis?

84. One of my favorite comic strips is the old Bloom County, (the new/returned one is just OK), with Opus and Milo and Co. One of my faovrites is an exchange between Opus and Milo when Opus is going on a date. Milo asks him if he's got his wallet and Opus gets all snooty and says 'Sir, money cannot buy you love" and Milo
responds, "No, but it does improve your bargaining position. Here's $10." I always liked Milo.

85. The best comic strip ever was "Calvin & Hobbes" If you disagree I will fight you.

86. I take my comics pretty seriously. In fact, its the only reason I haven't canceled my subscription to our local paper, which increasingly seems to be run by high-schoolers.

87. I wish I knew about Tom Waits and his song "Long Way Home" when my wife and I debated the song for our first dance. You'll be happy to know I managed to rule out a Tiffany song.

88. There is no better candy bar than a Kit Kat. If you disagree, I will not fight you, but will just figure "more for me" and probably munch my way into a diabetic coma.

89. I have a picture of my wife in a bikini in my office.

90. Right now I find the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue a little boring. If you're going to do porn, just do porn. quit kidding us. But in high school that thing was more precious than gold. I think Kathy Ireland made me realize I had hit puberty.

91. Shit, I just had a good one and now I can't remember it.

92. I think this is one of the creepiest things ever. I would, however, have liked to handle the cross-examination. "So, nothing to say for yourself eh? I think that speaks volumes! Your witness."

93. I type in the "Hunt & Peck", two-fingered style, but still do it pretty quickly.

94. I'm always amazed when people are concerned about what other people, who they don't know, think about them. Which is short-hand for telling anyone out there you can say whatever you want about me here. I promise not to lose any sleep over it.

95. I know how to ride a horse. Haven't done it for awhile though.

96. One of the best things about our yard is that every couple of summers a snapping turtle lays eggs in the pines in the side yard. If we find her afterwards we always throw her in a wheelbarrow and give her a ride back to her pond.

97. One of my favorite Xmas gifts ever was the canoe I got two years ago.

98. I won't set up my Xmas tree until Xmas Eve. People with Xmas trees up the day after Thanksgiving are weird.

99. The first 50 of these were definitely more interesting, weren't they?

100. But fortunately, we're done now.


Blogger puerileuwaite said...

First! Yeah!

12:44 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Okay, now that I've childishly "locked in" the first comment, here goes ...

Re: 51 - I was once on a flight from Anchorage to Seattle seated next to one of those guys. Ever since, I find myself rooting for the Bering Sea.

Re: 59 - I worry that naming your child Savannah is predetermining that particular fate, especially if it's a girl.

Re: 60 - To me, the IDEAL zoo exhibit for pandas should be a large scale recreation of a child's bedroom.

Re: 68 - You were already a hero BEFORE I learned of this deed. Now to us canines you may be a god.

Okay, let me stop here ... can't hog all of the comment space ...

12:57 PM  
Blogger B.E. Earl said...

I'm going to agree with you on Bloom County and Calvin & Hobbes, but only because you are right.

My favorite Bloom County saw Cutter John and the school teacher (I forget her name) on their first date. They were a bit nervous, so they decided to start over. After staring at each other for a whole blank panel he asks "Legs shaved?" and she quickly responds "Half way." Perfect.

PS - I get that way at Trivial Pursuit too. Fuck 'em. They wanna be on the winning team, they gotta come to me.

12:59 PM  
Blogger B.E. Earl said...

Oh, and I watch Deadliest Catch too. But only because people actually die on that game show.

It's a game show. Right?

1:01 PM  
Blogger Just lil o me... said...

You crack me right the fuck up!
I could be on your Trivial Pursuit team; having kicked 3 other adults (with college degrees, I might add) asses terribly (6 pies to 1) on Saturday night.
Pandas are cool. I would like to tickle one. Then give it some eucalptus or bamboo and go on.
Relo'g the snapping turtle is a sign of a cool man (helping any type of animal earns points with me).
I would like to send my co-worker on the Deadliest Catch, since Earl says it is a game show. The bitch doesnt do anything here, so she might as well earn her keep/fall overboard up there. Then I wont be convicted of bitch slapping her, and you wont be forced to defend me!


2:09 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

the more I get to know you...if reading your blog merits that?
the more I think you're a pretty cool guy.

we love Deadliest Catch at our house too! Sometimes I think the poor bastards are gonna die but usually it all works out. :)

8:24 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

I'm not sure whether to be amused or alarmed that you and Mr. E are similar: He loves and swears allegiance to Calvin & Hobbes; Kathy Ireland was his favorite (and Elle MacPherson his second-favorite); also, he "hunts-n-pecks" on a keyboard but SWEARS he types quickly. Yeah... right.

I could go on, but, that would get boring.

10:02 PM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

I'm delurking.


11:03 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Yes, to Calvin and Hobbes, best comic, ever.

The only thing I am competetive over is trivia games. I warn people before hand.

Cool for you on the hornets nest.

The right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do.

...I can't remember the other ones I wanted to comment on.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

Re. 92, those popes got up to some crazy stuff. My favorite is Alexander the VI (a Borgia), who, if I remember correctly (see The Bad Popes) quarreled with his son, Cesare, over the love of his daughter (Cesare's (half-?)sister) Lucretia.

Not sure if it's the same Lucretia referenced here.
(there's some trivia for ya)

Good on you for 68. Wasps scare me silly. I got stung so often as a kid and each time the reaction was worse. I can't imagine getting hit by more than one at a time...

5:39 PM  
Blogger Emotional Mullet said...

Do I count as a lurker if this is the first post I have read? I'll get to the others soon...

Did you ever hear Kathy Ireland speak before she had vocal lessons? Rent "Alien in L.A."


7:35 AM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Loved Calvin & Hobbes. Would have done them both. Simultaneously.
Yes, I'm a nerd too. Just a pervy one.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Cedar said...

I am glad that TYSGIRL pushed you to do this. Calvin and Hobbes were wonderful. I especially liked the little scenes he made with snowmen.

For a Lawyer and a MAN you are a damn fine person.

Hope you had a Happy Father's day. I actually think your kids are lucky!

8:55 PM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

Thanks for indulging me, it was worth the wait...even if the wait was 4 months!

Of the last 50, I think 93 surprised me the most. As a well endowed Porn Star, I'm wondering why you don't use the 3 finger method though?!?!

Hope you had a great Father's Day!

6:04 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Pug, I believe that you're the first person to ever do that here. Congratulations.

Pug, (again) One can hardly imagine the ramifications of naming a boy Savannah.

Earl, the storyline about Cutter John's romance with the teacher, (who's name completely escapes me) was great. The competition from Steve Dallas, particularly when he french-fried the spaghetti.

Earl, The people on it keep track of their catch and get paid more based on catching more, so in my book, yes, that's a game show.

Kat, Koalas eat eucalyptus. The Pandas are exclusively bamboo eaters, thus leading to some of their population problems. And apparently you wouldn't want to tickle a koala. I read somewhere that while the look all cute and cuddly, they're actually really ill-tempered little bastards.

Rhonda, that's going to be an interesting TV strategy session when one of those boats does go down with a camera crew on it.

Eclectic, why stop now? HA! kidding. Elle MacPherson is actually my all-time favorite, but Kathy was my first. Ahem. Metaphorically.

RSG, ecstatic. Wise-ass.

PG, you are allowed to go back and look again. We're pretty loose about rules here.

Frank, I'm definitely ordering that book next time I'm in Borders. I love that medieval soap opera stuff. It does put current disputes with the papacy in perspective. "Well, I don't really agree with Benedict XVI's position on marriage for priest's, but on the other hand I have to say I was vehemently against Alexander VI's position on screwing his daughter."

Emotional Mullet, first, great name. Second, I do remember the early Kathy Ireland voice. It really wasn't her strong point.

Trish, wow, you really have a thing for pre-18th century philosophers!

Cedar, oh yeah, you just sat quietly by and said nothing while Tysgirl pushed for this. You're not fooling anyone. My sons and I love the snowmen scenes in C&H. Classics.

Tysgirl, because it hurts too much to hit "enter"

10:01 AM  
Blogger Just lil o me... said...

It's such a simple little mind, I get confused sometimes. Pandas seems so mellow, like bamboo is their pot.
Yes, koalas are evil little fuckers. My brother was on cruise (Navy) in Australia and of course, me being 12, I said "pet the koalas for me". When my brother got home, he kicked me in the ass and said "that's for telling me to pet the little fucker - he bit me". Whoops.


12:20 PM  
Blogger Ookami Snow said...

I say that you should root for the Colorado Avalanche... no real reason why, it's just the team that I go for.

5:27 PM  
Blogger JMEPED said...

I agree with #1. What is it with that show?!
As cute as that Panda is, he will steal your Kit Kat and eat your face. He doesn't care what you say about him either.
I bet you don't have the trivial pursuit for your car version. If you get in my car it's in the passenger door, and YOU WILL have to play.
Ok, 92 is gross...

5:24 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Damn! You did make it to 100!

4:41 PM  
Blogger Persnickety Ticker said...

Not only did I learn something new with #92 (education, yay!) I am completely and forever creeped out to the point of having the heebie-jeebies, and will never be able to view the catholics in an un-skeeved out way again...gee thanks.

I love the Deadliest Catch game show. I root for the Bering Sea. I also adore Mike Rowe on a completely naughty level. His voice just makes me all happy in my pants.

Oh...and Calvin and Hobbs rocked!

7:46 AM  
Blogger Kari said...

WooHoo! so glad to have the conclusion. :-)

LOVE Calvin/Hobbes and Opus. As a senior in high school, a boyfriend gave me a stuffed Opus. Best gift EVER! I have about 15 of the snowman Calvin makes as a screensaver.

Pandas are adorable.

I would have loved for the dad to kick his son off the boat for buying that TV and bringing it aboard. :-) Dummy!

You crack me up! Love your answer to TysGirl. LOL

12:57 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

In regards to Hockey...

Pred - a - Tors! (picture the budweiser frogs saying this). It's on our jumbo tron. :-)

12:58 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Kat, as long as he didn't then give you a koala skin purse.

Ookami, too far away. Also they used to be the Quebec Nordiques, and I hated those fuckers.

Jmeped, I try not to eat the bamboo Kit Kats, so I think I'm alright there.

Nick, against all odds.

PT, I root for the crabs. They never win. Kind of like the Whalers now that I think about it.

Kari, I actually knew one of the original Predator goalies. You know; back when they sucked.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Trudi said...

Love hockey...but it helps when you are a fan of the Stanley Cup winners this year.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

I too am a fan of the old Bloom County. I have the Deathtongue one in my office.
I'm also a fan of the Deadliest Catch. My friend, Erin, got me addicted to it when she was pregnant. The hormones hit her hard and they were the only 'real men' she could find. It wasn't pretty, but she got me watching the damn show.

12:19 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Trudi, yeah, I never really had that problem as a Whalers fan.

Maggie, apparently your friend knew at least one man.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Lil Bit said...

*snagging these 50 to respond to, INDIVIDUALLY, which is a continuation of the exact post in your archives which I've planned to do the same thing*

when I can find the time, that is. lol

Checked your settings and get your comments to your in-box yet? =P

4:47 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I'm so behind on reading blog posts. I found these Limpy tidbits interesting. Re: Bloom County, I remember when Deathtongue was Billy and the Boingers. Also, I was a Tess Turbo fan, and appreciated it any time Bloom County made a reference to Joan Jett.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

"Hmmmm..." said Dr. Freud. "Very interesting."

5:20 PM  

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