Tuesday, June 10, 2008

"Is This Heaven" "No it's Iowa"

Found this over at Nick's. I liked it, so I stole it. Pretty self-explanatory.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was just enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and the dog had been dead for years.

He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while they came to a high white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble.

At the top of a long hill it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my dog come in too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me" he called to the reader, "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate and, sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was standing by then, waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" he asked.

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," he said, "the man down the road said that was heaven too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the jerks who'll leave their dogs behind."


Blogger B.E. Earl said...

That's awesome. Gonna link to this post on my blog somewhere so that all 3 people who read me will come here too.

11:19 AM  
Blogger tysgirl said...

I'm tempted to give you hell for stalling on the list, but this is too cute to dismiss.

I don't understand people who treat their pets like they're disposable. I'm more likely to give up a limb than give up one of my dogs willingly.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Rhonda said...

from one dog (animal) lover...
this is an awesome post!

12:13 PM  
Blogger puerileuwaite said...

Anything to weed those types out. Still, I can't think of heaven without remembering Homer Simpson being told to put his clothes back on, because "it's heaven for everybody".

2:30 PM  
Blogger The Q said...

Well shoot, I thought I secured a place in hell by laughing at your Natalie Wood jokes, but there's no way in......um, hell... that I'd ever leave my dog behind.

I kinda, sorta love my animals way more than I like most people.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

So wait. Is this a Know Limpy's States post? Or have you just gone so gay that you're going to push for NY to finalize gay marriage so you & Giambi can run off with his ultra gay moustache?

7:00 PM  
Blogger Sylvia said...

I am going to join the other dog lovers and say this post was really sweet. I hope if there is an afterlife, my dogs will be with me.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

Ah, shucks.

If only everyone was as happy to see me as Sadie-dog is.

She runs and slides across the kitchen floor as she approaches the back door, and then she gives three perfect spins of doggie glee.

Each and everytime I walk through the door, it's as if she hasn't seen me for years.

9:07 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

You leave your dog behind? You deserve hell. And that's all I'm sayin'.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Alkelda the Gleeful said...

I'm not even a big fan of dogs, and I appreciate this story.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m glad you “stole” it. Of course, the story wasn’t mine, since someone emailed it to me and I have no idea where she found it.

10:49 PM  
Blogger JMEPED said...

Aw... It makes me appreciate the fluffinator enough to not be mad at her busting in on my potty brakes!

6:35 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Earl, stop being so modest. At least 4 people read your blog.

Tysgirl, you of all people, (well, and Q), I knew would get this.

Rhonda, glad you liked it.

Pug, D'oh!

Q, see comment to Tysgirl.

Rat, if refusing to abandon my dog makes me gay, well than spank my ass and call me Sally. If it doesn't, well, then, don't.

Sylvia, there better be dogs in the hereafter. Cats I'm not so sure about.

PG, I've got one of those too. If we're gone for 20 minutes or the whole day, the reaction is the same.

E, exactly.

Alkelda, well, then, my work is done. So I'll waste more time doing this!

Nick, I knew you wouldn't mind, but I try to give credit when I shamelessly swipe material.

6:38 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Jmeped, that's why I latch the door.

8:09 AM  
Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Wow that was a very thoughtful and sweet thing to post Limpy. Next you'll be taking in stray geese and ducks.

4:04 PM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

I have no idea why... but that actually made me get all teary... I need to stop drinking ;-)

6:27 PM  
Blogger Cedar said...

Hey Sally, you want me to kick that guy's ass for you?

8:15 PM  
Blogger Rat In A Cage said...

Oh, is that what is was about, I was wiping puke off my shirt after the first half of it. Okay, it wasn't gay. I apologize. I just figured you fell in love or something with all the mushy feelings. The Royals had me riled up. I need a vacation.

That was a lot of commas, Sally.

8:20 PM  
Blogger Pud said...

Too funny! No wonder you stole it.

9:14 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

RSG, no, actually I really won't be doing that.

Liz, tell you what, I'll drink whatever you don't finish.

Rat, it was a lot of comments wasn't it Alice. No need to apologize; you're auto-post of new breasts every 8 hours is enough for me.

Pud, I only steal the best.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Just lil o me... said...

I would gladly give up any amount of limbs for my great dane. Or any animal, if truth be told. I like animals better than most people any day. Made the boy stop so I could move a turtle off the drive the other day. It's what I do.

Cause no matter how shitty the day, the dane meets me at the door with kisses and nibbles, and that's guaranteed to make it all go away!!!

Gorgeous Weim!! Is that yours??


4:44 PM  
Blogger Callie said...

That was nice.

And for all of you wondering where it originally came from - thank Rod Serling and the Twilight Zone episode.


11:23 PM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Kat, no, that's just a stock picture of a dog. Mine looks almost exactly like that. She's a mutt, with a heavy emphasis on Weim in there.

Callie, was it really a 'Twilight Zone' show? Sounds exactly like one.

6:58 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

It's been a long time since I've seen that one, but makes me really appreciate the "person" lying on my feet right now, no matter how hot it gets in here.

Way to go for the theft. ;-)

OH ~ Happy Father's Day!

7:33 AM  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Thanks LK.

11:46 AM  

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