Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In Which I Disclose The Meaning Of Life To You

If I ever write an authobiography, you can be sure of two things. First, the title of this entry will be the title to one of the chapters, if not the entire book, and two, I will lie about the size of my penis.

But that's not what we're here to talk about today. No, I'm dropping in to disclose the meaning of life as I currently understand it. And that meaning is that you should drop whatever you're doing and go see these guys any time they're within a 3 hour drive of you. I saw them late last week. It was, far and away, the best concert I have ever been to. Ever. And keep in mind, I've watched The Suicide Girls take their clothes off while twirling a Hula Hoop. Try to imagine what it would be like if James Brown dropped acid right before going on stage. Or better yet, what would happen if you dropped acid and went to a James Brown concert. You'd probably see an Indian dude prancing around in nothing but a yellow cape, a plastic Darth Vader helmet and a pair of hot pants.

And by the way ladies, this is not a man who spends a great deal of time, (i.e. "any"), doing sit-ups or push-ups. Here's a picture. And I will tell you that depsite a physique that says "I am far more familiar with Kentucky Fried Chicken than I should be", this is the coolest guy in the room. When he's performing, you will want to be him, although later, when you look down at yourself and see your toes, you'll rethink part of that. But goddamn that voice!

The band Khan surrounds himself with is the tightest group I've ever seen. Didn't miss a note while pounding through what I can only call garage-punk-soul at an energy level that bordered on obscene. As did the hot pants outfit, but whatever. The show was in a small club ouside on Boston. There were probably 200-300 people in there. About halfway through the show I decided that Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers have to die. I can't take the idea that this band is blowing the roof off of small clubs at $20 a ticket while those little shits are lip-synching their way through sold-out arenas with three figure tickets. Fuck them.

I can't possibly do this show any justice, I can only urge you to see King Khan & The Shrines at your first opportunity. If you like music, you'll love this group. I think I got about three hours of sleep that night and I'd have gone back again the next night if they were playing. And my ears had stopped ringing. Bring ear plugs.

Editor's Note: If you click here, and assuming I haven't fucked this up like I usually do, you'll get to a video of Kong Khan & The Shrines doing "Land of the Freak". Gives you some idea of the live show, although by no means the whole experience. Seriously, check them out if they're ever near you. And throw rocks at The Jonas Brothers. I'm pretty sure that's legal.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Oh Good, Another Milestone

I turned 40 at about 7:30 this morning. Hence the 1940's pin-up girl to the left. Classy and semi-pornographic! A few days ago someone asked me how I felt about this approaching age. My response, which I seriously doubt is original, was that it beats the hell out of the alternative.

A friend sent me an email today saying that "40 is the new 30" and then going on to say something along the lines of it really must have sucked back in the old days when they felt this bad at age 30. I don't really feel all that bad, but I do confess to a creeping knowledge that I am never going to feel as good as I did when I was 27. Or that night when I turned 30 and my wife took me to a strip bar.

By the way, I showed my wife this little atrocity of a blog, so all three of you, (and that might be generous), who still stop by here, say "hi". Hi honey.

Anyway, I'd say I'd write more here, but I'd be lying. I'll try. I'd really like to finish the 50 states thing someday. Maybe by the time I turn 50. or I could just get a Twitter account and do it all in one day. 24 states in 140 characters.

My co-workers are buying me lunch today. Which is cool. Honestly, though, the only reason I didn't take today off was that they'd kill me if I deprived them of the chance to get ice cream. Of course, I'd do the same if they didn't show up on their birthdays and deprived me of a chance to get ice cream. Seriously, don't get between me and mint chocolate chip ice cream. 40 or not, I will knock you down.

Hope all is well. I'm going to go take a nap and then yell at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.