I've been running low on things to write about here, and I've been putting out what I consider to be half-assed entries just to sort of fill space and keep Tysgirl from slapping me, and not in a good way. Well, that's going to have to stop. So I'm starting what I hope to be a regular feature that should take up the next, uh, well, at least 47 entries.
It's called "Know Limpy's States" and will be based on all of the states in the country and my relationship to each one of them. Sound like a lame-ass idea? You bet it does, but I don't care. I can't think of anything else and someone we know just gave me a big glossy book about the states, and that gave me an idea and that means you're screwed.
Or you could just go read Soozie's blog, except she's quitting, so you're really kind of stuck. Plus I'll post nude pictures in some of 'em.
Anyway, to kick this feature off, we start with, well, whatever the hell one is first in this book, let's see here,
Connecticut? Really? Whay the hell would anyone start a book about the states with Connecticut? Oh well here we go.
Chapter 1 of 46 in "Know Limpy's States"
Connecticut is the 5th state in the union, attaining statehood on January 9, 1788, a date now routinely ignored statewide. The capital is Hartford, a city widely known to be devoid of almost any nightlife that does not involve the active exchange of gun-fire. The current governor is M. Jodi Rell, who succeeded the former governor, John G. Rowland, after he got 9 months in the federal penitentiary for corruption. The largest city is Bridgeport, at just over 140,000, at least 127,568 of whom wish they lived anywhere but Bridgeport, a city in a state of almost constant "urban renewal", none of which, unfortunately, involves napalm. Bridegport's current mayor hasn't been sworn in yet, since he's being sued by the guy who lost the primary, said guy being in his 30's and living with his mother, the last mayor not running for re-election after, among other things, admitting to using cocaine while in office, (although if I were mayor of Bridgeport, I'd be mainlining heroin at the inaugeration), and that mayor having taken over from the previous mayor after he got 9 years in the slammer for corruption.
The state bird is the robin. As far as I know none of them have ever been arrested for corruption.
The state flower is the mountain laurel. Every year in June I hike up Bear Montain to try to catch the laurel at its peak, because it is a beautiful sight and because I am a huge homo. Most years I miss the peak. The one year I caught it made up for it.
There are just under 3.5 million people in Connecticut. Most spend their time complaining that there is nothing to do and how much cooler New York and Massachusetts are.
Connecticut is generally in the top two in the "richest state" category, depending on how well the mob is doing in New Jersey at any given moment. Most of that money is based in Fairfield County, and most of that money is in a town called Greenwich, which is mostly populated by incredibly rich assholes who declare a state of emergency whenever the Powerball lottery gets really big and the town has to deal with Negroes from nearby New York, (hey look, racist alliteration), who cross state lines and then stand in lines outside Greenwich stpres to try to buy lottery tickets so that they can someday live in town and bitch about people just like them. That actually happened a few years ago. Powerball went over $200 milion and New York didn't have it, so folks from NY came over the border in droves to buy tickets. Greenwich called out the cops to maintain order and actually asked the legislature for money based on a "state of emergency". I believe they actually got some.
The highest mountain in CT in Bear Mt., at something over 2,100 feet. But the highest point in CT is on Mt. Frissell, the peak of which is actually in Massachusetts. The state line is on the shoulder of the peak, so the highest point in CT isn't even a mountain top, but a spot on a hill "marked" by a rusty metal pole and from which there is no view. God we suck.
Connecticut is called both "The Constitution State" because it was once governed by something called "The Fundamental Orders, which later served as the model for the US Constitution, and "The Nutmeg State", because, well, no one really knows why, but it may have something to do with CT merchants being infamous for cheating in the nutmeg trade.
IF YOU'RE IN CONNECTICUT YOU SHOULD: Check your ticket to see what time your connecting flight leaves. If you're here, God help you, on purpose, you should check out:
Pepe's Pizza in New Haven. The white clam pizza is incredible, and I'm not just saying that because it sounds sort of obscene. New Haven is also home to Yale University and wandering around the downtown area is a lot of fun. Wandering around outside the downtown area is a really bad idea.
MISS CONNECTICUT LOOKS LIKE THIS:
LIMPY'S CONNECTION TO STATE: Huge. Couldn't be huger. Born and bred in CT. Educated in CT, mostly because all of the out of state schools rejected me, except two that wait-listed me and one that said I could go but then sent us a tuition bill that looked like a budget for a eastern european country. So I went to UCONN, which at the time was easier to get into than Britney Spears' pants after a narco-lollipop bender, and about as cheap. Now, thanks to the basketball teams winning about 8 national championships between them, UCONN is neither cheap nor easy to get into.
HAS LIMPY GOTTEN LAID IN THIS STATE: Yes.
That sums up Connecticut for now. Tune in next time when we discuss Limpy's connection to the alleged state of Delaware.