Fine, YOU Try Saying "No" To Tysgirl
Get ready for the longest list you've ever slogged your way through.
1. I am right-handed. Not that this is at all interesting, (although that lack of interest will probably be a prevailing theme throughout this list), but aways back someone tagged me to write 8 things about me, and that's the one I started with. Consistency may indeed be the hobgoblin
of little minds, but I've always had a soft spot for hobgoblins.
2. I have a very good singing voice, assuming you enjoy the sound of a cat being raped. And who doesn't enjoy that? Besides the cat.
3. My favorite color is royal purple. In a related note, I am very secure with my sexuality.
4. If I am ever fortunate enough to run over Ann Coulter with my car, the only reason I would slow down is to make sure she heard me yell, "Take that cunt!"
5. That goes double for you Fred Phelps. Except I'd probably call you a "closeted fag" I like to make my derogatory name-calling fit the situation. It seems more civilized.
6. Thanks to a dedicated regimine of abdominal exercises, sometimes including up to 500 repetitions a session, I have rock-hard, well-defined abs. Thanks to an equally dedicated regimine of donuts and beer, I am able to protect those same abs with a thick layer of insulating blubber. But they're under there, trust me.
7. I have two tattoos. I have a third planned.
8. I used to have a pierced ear, but it kept getting infected. This is probably because a friend of mine pierced it by ramming the earring through my earlobe after "disinfecting" it in a glass of sambuca. Yes, I was drunk, why do you ask?
9. I've been married for 13 years. She has introduced me at weddings as "This is my first husband". Bitch.
10. I have two children. There will not be a third.
11. I cannot imagine living a full life without a big dog in it.
12. If I'm watching NASCAR, it's for the crashes.
13. The last book I read was "You Suck" by Christopher Moore. Knocked it off in one day. It is a sequel to his book "Bloodsucking Fiends", which I've also read. I recommend each book very highly, but only if you enjoy bitterly humorous books about sex, San Francisco, vampires, blue hookers and late-night frozen turkey bowling. Which should be pretty much all of you.
14. Christopher Moore did not pay me for #13, but I'd take his money if he did.
15. My favorite sport is baseball. My favorite team is the New York Yankees. My favorite player growing up was Don Mattingly. My favorite player of all time who died long before I was born and got a disease named after him is Lou Gehrig.
16. My favorite food would be hard to pin down, but on a consistent basis I'd have to say it would be a deep dish white pizza with sausage, eggplant and mushroom. Not least because no one else in my family likes mushrooms and therefore I am left alone to eat in peace.
17. In the warmer months. In the winter/colder months
18. Any time.
for some reason this won't line up correctly, but after finishing these bottles I don't think I can really be blamed for screwing up the margins here.
19. I spent two and a half years shoveling shit on a chicken farm to help pay for college. I've collected eggs, culled chickens and slaughtered turkeys. And I still eat poultry.
20. I am not a member of PETA.
21. My favorite band is The Supersuckers. I once read a review of one of their albums as "whiskey-fueled, hell-bound, tattooed rock and roll" Pretty much sums it up. Generally speaking I like loud bands with an emphasis on the guitar and who are still unknown enough to play in bars and smaller venues.
22. I can't see any point in paying $100+ to go to a stadium to see a band, I don't care if it The Rolling Stones. Stay home and watch it on TV; you'll be closer to the band and you won't get arrested for smoking pot.
23. I haven't smoked pot
since law school, (there's an advertisement for law school!), but for the life of me I can't see why it's illegal to smoke a joint but perfectly legal to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels.
24. I couldn't tell you what my favorite movie is, but if I had to divide it up by type, I'd have to say Slapshot or Bull Durham for sports, Unforgiven for westerns, ("deserve's got nuthin to do with it" has to be one of the best lines ever), and Roadhouse for comedy. Wait, Roadhouse isn't a comedy? You're shitting me. I laugh myself hoarse every time I watch that one. There are many other great ones out there, but "Miami Vice" isn't one of them.
25. I'm no world traveler like Party Girl, (not yet anyway), but of the cities I've visited, San Francisco
is probably my favorite, followed closely by New Orleans.
26. My least favorite cities are probably Miami and Los Angeles. In fact, if I were allowed to blow shit up, (and for obvious reasons, I'm not), I'd probably tell the residents of LA and Las Vegas, (where I've never been), to start running while I solve the west's water probelms.
27. I am a huge pain in the ass to travel long distances with. I don't stop unless urine is actually coming out my ears, and I don't care that much about your ears. I drive until I get there, and if I'm flying and have to deal with layovers I'm just an asshole. Which should make our upcoming trip to Disney a fun experience for everyone.
28. Oh yeah, I once won on Jeopardy!, but you knew that. And Alex Trebek seems like an obnoxious prick in person too.
29. The highest I've ever been, (literally as opposed to metaphorically), is when I climbed to 12,600 feet in Yosemite Park. I beleive the peak was called Mt. Lewis.
30. If I had to pick one celebrity to fight, I think it would have to be Dr. Phil.
31. Best hot dogs I've ever had can be found here. You have to get them with the relish; otherwise you're missing out on the experience. And if you put ketchup on them I will hit you. What are you, 8?
32. If I had more time, I think I'd like to learn to cook a decent meal. My current repetoire consists of throwing meat on a grill and waiting until it changes color. Sometimes I get real crazy and put olive oil on a piece of fish, wave it over the grill, and call it dinner.
33. I am very impatient and don't like following directions. Instead I prefer to just start whatever project I'm working on and try to finish as quickly as possible. based on past experience, I can tell you that this works much better with trials than it does with putting up a screen door.
34. If I have to wear a tie,
it might as well be colorful. Jerry Garcia ties are my favorites, even though I think the Grateful Dead sucked.
35. I have friends who have run for Congress. Unsuccessfully.
36. I have friends who stripped for a living. Succesfully.
37. I probably donated more money to the latter than the former. And got more out of it.
38. No one I know in the real world knows about this blog. So now's your chance to blackmail me. Except I'll just say 'fuck you' and tell 'em.
39. I'll be 39 in a week. I've noticed that I'm losing interest in birthdays lately. If there's something I want, I usually just buy it myself.
40. My father and I have the same birthday. He's older.
41. I find that things are much more interesting at 2:30 in the morning than they are at 2:30 in the afternoon.
42. If I were a male prostitute, I would starve to death. Within 4 days.
43. I would much rather have my kids hear The Supersuckers say "fuck" in a good song than that they listen to anything by The Jonas Brothers. I don't get too worked up about language, but bad music drives me nuts.
44. I say 'fuck' a lot.
45. My wife is the sexiest woman I know. And I'm not just saying that because I get to have sex with her. Although that doesn't hurt. I totally do, too.
46. The Bronx Zoo is one of my favorite places. I've been going there for years. I remember when all the apes were stuffed inside in little houses. Now they've got a huge outdoor area to hang out in. I'm not sure if the gorillas are any safer in the Bronx after dark than they would be in the Congo war zone, but they always seem content.
47. I really hate whiny people. Get the fuck over yourself.
48. You know what a really under-rated dessert is? Fresh watermelon.
49. This is the best roller coaster I've ever been on. "Superman" at Six Flags New England. The first time I went on it we were going up the main hill. And up. And up. And up. And so on and so forth. Long enough for me to start thinking, "you know, this may not have been the best idea I've ever had" I've rideen it 3-4 times since, but now I can't take the 90 minute wait in the lines. On a slow day.
50. I recently alphabetized all of my CDs, after getting pissed off that I couldn't find one. Which later turned out to be in my car, but whatever. Now I can find any CD in 30 seconds. As long as I never, ever buy another CD.
OK kids, it's taken me since Tuesday to come up with these 50 fascinating bits of information. So this is looking like a two-parter. Assuming you've read this far and haven't gouged your eyes out. Or just clicked to another site, which would have been easier, and probably less painful. We'll come back to this another time. Besides, I have to get to Kentucky before a bunch of bearded yokels in coonskin caps show up on my lawn with musketry and such. Although that could just be our local Chanber of Commerce now that I think about it.